HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Argh! When people say this to me I want to scream, I know they really do mean well, but I don't want anyone else, maybe I will prefer to stay single from now on. Having a new partner isn't a cure all, it doesn't work for everyone. When they say it I feel a wrench in my gut, the idea repulses me. It's like saying your ex can be replaced, well no he can't. I know in a lot of cases people WILL move on to have better relationships but there is no better relationship for me than the one we had, he thought the same too until my neglect. If you already feel you've had the best relationship of your life, then what? Isn't it like saying to a parent whose child has died, you can always have another one?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Printer Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 With you on this one HorH. I get fed up with people telling me the same. When you know you were with the right person and you lose her, how can she be replaced. Just wish I could have second chance. I can't see me moving on for a long long time if at all.:(
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 Aw yeah, me too I think some people think I'm being negative, but I think I'm being realistic. Some people do only have one true love and they don't find another which comes close. Some say love is a choice but I don't really feel that. I couldn't choose to not love him, it is THERE in my heart, a feeling I can't deny. It's like we found ourselves when we became a couple, we could be ourselves, discover who we were, gained confidence, for the first time in our lives. With you on this one HorH. I get fed up with people telling me the same. When you know you were with the right person and you lose her, how can she be replaced. Just wish I could have second chance. I can't see me moving on for a long long time if at all.:(
USMCHokie Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Isn't it like saying to a parent whose child has died, you can always have another one?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I might have to start using that line every time someone tells me the same thing... But I'm also on the same boat...what if I don't want someone new...?
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Glad I am not the only one who feels like this. I have accepted my loss. Accepted that love is not real and don't want to play this game again. I don't want anyone new, I liked the illusion I had, but it was just that....an illusion. Wish people would stop telling me to go flirt and meet some guy. Why? I don't want one.
Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Argh! When people say this to me I want to scream, I know they really do mean well, but I don't want anyone else, maybe I will prefer to stay single from now on. Having a new partner isn't a cure all, it doesn't work for everyone. When they say it I feel a wrench in my gut, the idea repulses me. It's like saying your ex can be replaced, well no he can't. I know in a lot of cases people WILL move on to have better relationships but there is no better relationship for me than the one we had, he thought the same too until my neglect. If you already feel you've had the best relationship of your life, then what? Isn't it like saying to a parent whose child has died, you can always have another one?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally feel you on how annoying that can be...as right now you feel like shyt and that little comment does NOTHING more than prove to be aggravating. It doesn't actually help you process things and be better. If you feel you neglected him and were at fault in the relationship ending and feel he is worth it, maybe you should express wanting to work things out and work on yourself so you guys may have a second chance. As for the moving on thing....honestly, ONLY time can tell. It is all too common that for months we feel as though our exes were the best thing ever and we cannot even imagine being with anyone else ever...that is normal...but many times as time goes by you realize that you actually can go on to be w/ someone else and you can be fine. But again....time is the only thing that will tell. Is it possible that you may never find a relationship like that again and that was the best? Yes....but the opposite is also possible. So since you are not focused on moving on...you can either try to let your ex know you want to try again and make the effort to work on fixing the problems you brought to the relationship or if he doesn't want that, still work on those issues and leave it up to the universe.
XKatieX Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I'm in the same boat right now. My ex left me, and even though he doesn't have feelings for me anymore I will always have feelings for him. Time can go on but I will always feel like no one could ever compare to him, and I could never feel the way about anyone the way I do him. But ya know what we don't ever really NEED anyone, we just want them in our lives..if you think about it we are alone no matter what.
JaggedRoad Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I guess it has the same amount of value when people tell you, "Oh, you guys will be together forever." What is this forever that they are referring to?
billy356 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 There are other fish in the sea.....we should be allowed to punch anyone that says that... But we do move on and time does change our perspective. And there is always this....I found my true love 12 years ago. We went through a horrific breakup that caused us not to speak for 5 years! She is travelling over 3500 miles in 2 weeks to come see me and it looks pretty positive that we will try one more time to see if we both believe that we made a horrible mistake 5 years ago. That is the short version but things arent always final....unrealistic hope can be a pitfall to recovery for sure but.... Love isnt a straight road going from A to B. it is a windy, twisty path that brings us back to where we started so many times it can be frustrating. But getting out of the car wont help us get to the destination...it is way to far to walk
JaggedRoad Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Love, and everything else in life, is a jagged road =) And congrats, billy! I hope things work out for you guys.
dazzle22 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I met the first great love of my life at age 15. We had an amazing connection. In fact, I KNEW WE were born on the same day of the same year BEFORE he told me...it just came to me. One of the spookiest things that ever happened to me... Anyway, fast forward to age 22..he was not ready to be married, I got impatient and upset, and I married someone else. And I thought of him every day of my marriage, and even had haunting dreams like going somewhere and finding out he had just left and had been asking for me...TORTURE...for 25 years!! I finally got divorced, my heart was never into that marriage, and I was absolutely convinced that was it for me. Done. Finito! Then something amazing happened, and I NEVER believed it would. I mean, it had never happened before to me. I've always worked and tried and tried at things and always got back about 70 % of what I put into things....I met someone. We knew each other awhile, and suddenly, I got another one of those weird moments where I just KNEW something...and the words that came into my head were.."you are going to have a relationship with him. It is going to be very important." An epiphany, is all I can say. Anyway, I looked at him strangely because this was only the second time in my life this kind of thing ever happened...and fast forward 3 1/2 years.. we are MARRIED AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVED MY FIRST LOVE THAT I HAD LOVED FOR OVER 30 YEARS!!! So to all you other posters, I know exactly what you mean. The feeling is torture, but another love CAN happen to you. It really CAN. I would NEVER have believed anyone who tried to tell me this. It was 25 years (which is a bit depressing, but hey, better than NEVER). Keep your eyes open, you never know where you will find the OTHER 'ONE' !!
kizik Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 IMVHO meeting someone new is not something that one should do until he or she is safely a year or two down the road after a breakup, simply because one must do lots of self-work post-break-up in order to avoid making the same mistakes that got you into that very situation. The longer you're single the more lonely it is, but the more you learn about yourself as well.
Cora Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Of course there will always be someone new, but it will never be the one you want. I hate when people say that too. It's really a stupid thing to say. I'm probably guilty of saying it myself, but now that I really think about it....my god it's silly. Hang on, it will get better! But no, getting someone new isn't the answer. HA I found that out right quick. I'm sorry you are hurting.
EricaH329 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 It's like saying your ex can be replaced No, it's not like saying that at all. but there is no better relationship for me than the one we had How do you know? If you already feel you've had the best relationship of your life, then what? Well, then i'd simply say that you haven't experienced better yet. As the old saying goes, 'You never fully get over your ex until you meet someone that you care more about.' Yes, that was from the movie 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Pasts' but my mother used to say that to me all the time. And it's true. So when someone says "You'll meet someone new" they don't mean that you need someone else, they simply mean that there will be someone else in your life, at some point, that will mean more to you than your ex did. I know this is hard to understand, I am in the same boat you are... so please do not think I am trying to preach to you, but you need to have an open mind in this sort of situation. I try to see it this way, every relationship that we have is our most intense. If not, then we haven't learned anything, and we are continuing the same cycle of relationships. Our next is bound to be our greatest. Whether we are actively seeking it or not. Do not assume that there won't be anyone that will not 'beat' our most current idea of love. There will be better. There will be greater. Have faith.
bluestraps Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Each of us has a different situation. There are no two people alike in the whole world. Heres something I 'm up in the morning at 4:31, and Im watching some concert video of my favorite music group, and I actualy feel pretty good .I miss my girlfriend because of the history we have and all we went through. I still love her and I just want to talk to her and touch her beautiful hair and hold her close. But Im still me and I have the things in life that I do, and damn it if I let her ruin my life. I read something from a self help relationship type book, it's an attitude change. It goes "This or something better". I refuse to believe what I had is the best I can do. After all I deserve respect. And a love of who I am not for what I can give her I also found a quote from David lee Roth of Van Halen where he says This made me laugh right away "It does'nt get better, it does'nt get worse, but it sure get's different." [sIZE=5][/sIZE]
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 I don't accept that our next is bound to be greatest, if my other exes don't match up to him why would any future partners.
EricaH329 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I don't accept that our next is bound to be greatest, if my other exes don't match up to him why would any future partners. If it's not your greatest, then you are settling for less. Do you really think that this guy is the only guy that will ever make you that happy? I know it might feel like that sometimes, but that's only because you haven't met that other person yet. It all comes in due time. Honestly, I hate that expression more than 'you'll meet someone new'. Time takes time, which sucks. I'm impatient
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 When I found him, it was like I'd come home, there was no need to look any further, I'd found what I wanted for life, he felt the same until I neglected him. It really would not be easy to find someone I would be as happy with or happier, I'm VERY unconventional and fussy and being with him has spoilt me now.
EricaH329 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I'm thinking that you just aren't ready for something greater yet. Maybe you should re-evaluate your past relationship, and really take it for what it was worth, as opposed to holding him on a pedestal which i'm sure shouldn't be the case. I mean all of this with the utmost respect. I am in no position either to be looking for something greater than what I had with my ex. There are still things I need to sort out not only with the relationship I once had with him, but with myself. I am very optimistic that once I am ready for something greater, then it will happen. Right now though, I think we should both take advantage of the time given to us and try to sort things out. Take the experience we went through and learn something from it.
Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 There are other fish in the sea.....we should be allowed to punch anyone that says that... But we do move on and time does change our perspective. And there is always this....I found my true love 12 years ago. We went through a horrific breakup that caused us not to speak for 5 years! She is travelling over 3500 miles in 2 weeks to come see me and it looks pretty positive that we will try one more time to see if we both believe that we made a horrible mistake 5 years ago. That is the short version but things arent always final....unrealistic hope can be a pitfall to recovery for sure but.... Love isnt a straight road going from A to B. it is a windy, twisty path that brings us back to where we started so many times it can be frustrating. But getting out of the car wont help us get to the destination...it is way to far to walk I LOVE THAT! It is so true too
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 That's amazing! Let us know how you get on Have you missed her in that 5 years? Have you seen other people? There are other fish in the sea.....we should be allowed to punch anyone that says that... But we do move on and time does change our perspective. And there is always this....I found my true love 12 years ago. We went through a horrific breakup that caused us not to speak for 5 years! She is travelling over 3500 miles in 2 weeks to come see me and it looks pretty positive that we will try one more time to see if we both believe that we made a horrible mistake 5 years ago. That is the short version but things arent always final....unrealistic hope can be a pitfall to recovery for sure but.... Love isnt a straight road going from A to B. it is a windy, twisty path that brings us back to where we started so many times it can be frustrating. But getting out of the car wont help us get to the destination...it is way to far to walk
floods88 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 they said in sex and the city that we have 2 great loves in our lives. i know quite a few people that this is true for. heres to hoping. does anybody else think there is truth in this? i am so cool for taking relationship wisdom from tv programmes
Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I met the first great love of my life at age 15. We had an amazing connection. In fact, I KNEW WE were born on the same day of the same year BEFORE he told me...it just came to me. One of the spookiest things that ever happened to me... Anyway, fast forward to age 22..he was not ready to be married, I got impatient and upset, and I married someone else. And I thought of him every day of my marriage, and even had haunting dreams like going somewhere and finding out he had just left and had been asking for me...TORTURE...for 25 years!! I finally got divorced, my heart was never into that marriage, and I was absolutely convinced that was it for me. Done. Finito! Then something amazing happened, and I NEVER believed it would. I mean, it had never happened before to me. I've always worked and tried and tried at things and always got back about 70 % of what I put into things....I met someone. We knew each other awhile, and suddenly, I got another one of those weird moments where I just KNEW something...and the words that came into my head were.."you are going to have a relationship with him. It is going to be very important." An epiphany, is all I can say. Anyway, I looked at him strangely because this was only the second time in my life this kind of thing ever happened...and fast forward 3 1/2 years.. we are MARRIED AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVED MY FIRST LOVE THAT I HAD LOVED FOR OVER 30 YEARS!!! So to all you other posters, I know exactly what you mean. The feeling is torture, but another love CAN happen to you. It really CAN. I would NEVER have believed anyone who tried to tell me this. It was 25 years (which is a bit depressing, but hey, better than NEVER). Keep your eyes open, you never know where you will find the OTHER 'ONE' !! Awwwesooome story And you are very correct. One thing my friend said to me that is so simple but profound, she said "Why worry about what's going to happen. Things can change so much in a day, furthermore a week or 3 months". It is very true. None of us know what the future holds, and thus I try to live my life in a hopeful manner. Our feelings in the now are very intense and real and sometimes we see no end to them....but stories like yours and MANY others show that we are resilient and can move on to lead even HAPPIER lives. I feel like what is to be will be, and trying to have a positive attitude about it helps a lot.
TheLoneSock Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Argh! When people say this to me I want to scream, I know they really do mean well, but I don't want anyone else, maybe I will prefer to stay single from now on. Suit yourself. One less woman with baggage in the dating game for us guys. Having a new partner isn't a cure all, it doesn't work for everyone. When they say it I feel a wrench in my gut, the idea repulses me. For now it does. It's like saying your ex can be replaced, well no he can't. I know in a lot of cases people WILL move on to have better relationships but there is no better relationship for me than the one we had, he thought the same too until my neglect. If you already feel you've had the best relationship of your life, then what? Then I guess you'll learn from your mistakes and not repeat them with the next guy. Isn't it like saying to a parent whose child has died, you can always have another one?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely not. The two aren't even comparable.
TheLoneSock Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I met the first great love of my life at age 15. We had an amazing connection. In fact, I KNEW WE were born on the same day of the same year BEFORE he told me...it just came to me. One of the spookiest things that ever happened to me... Anyway, fast forward to age 22..he was not ready to be married, I got impatient and upset, and I married someone else. And I thought of him every day of my marriage, and even had haunting dreams like going somewhere and finding out he had just left and had been asking for me...TORTURE...for 25 years!! I finally got divorced, my heart was never into that marriage, and I was absolutely convinced that was it for me. Done. Finito! Then something amazing happened, and I NEVER believed it would. I mean, it had never happened before to me. I've always worked and tried and tried at things and always got back about 70 % of what I put into things....I met someone. We knew each other awhile, and suddenly, I got another one of those weird moments where I just KNEW something...and the words that came into my head were.."you are going to have a relationship with him. It is going to be very important." An epiphany, is all I can say. Anyway, I looked at him strangely because this was only the second time in my life this kind of thing ever happened...and fast forward 3 1/2 years.. we are MARRIED AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVED MY FIRST LOVE THAT I HAD LOVED FOR OVER 30 YEARS!!! So to all you other posters, I know exactly what you mean. The feeling is torture, but another love CAN happen to you. It really CAN. I would NEVER have believed anyone who tried to tell me this. It was 25 years (which is a bit depressing, but hey, better than NEVER). Keep your eyes open, you never know where you will find the OTHER 'ONE' !! Whadya know, another girl that remained confused, unhappy and overly wishful for 20 years. This is a prime example why guys shouldn't take most girls seriously. She wasn't content with anything until her 40's. "OMG I met my soul mate! But he won't marry me, so I'll just marry someone else even though I don't want to." "Hmm, well that didn't work... divorce. Add me to the nation's statistics." "OMG I met my soul mate, again! And now I'm finally happy (I think?), it only took me 30 years!" This sounds like a horrible romance book. Hysterical. But uh... yeah, there's still hope for all you lost ladies out there! Obviously! I love my cynical moods. They cut the naivety out of my life.
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