dreams13 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Last night Pat came over. As friends. We hung out, watched some movies and just talked. I had a revalation last night. We only really talk to eachother because in our minds college and the time we were together was one of the best times in both our lives. That's ok, but I think I finally realized that I can't keep thinking he is the one for me. He is not my soul mate, and he isn't what I want in someone for the future. Last night sitting across from me on the couch I realized Pat is a very broken man. I never quite saw it until last night. He kept saying he thinks about our times and those times a lot more then anything because it was the best time in his life. I am glad I am that person for him, that he can remember so fondly, but honestly this isn't good for me. I told him I cant be 35, 40 and so on, inviting him back into my life, couch or heart whenever. 10 years has been a long time. I think what made me re-think all this was, in the middle of looking at his i-phone, KRISTEN, texted him. The weird thing is Pat and I have both had many other relationships, and right there in the moment I realized this girl was another piece of him, another piece of who makes him and I am not the only girl in his mind/heart. She is an x girlfriend who when he broke up with her claimed she was going to kill herself and I guess it was very dramatic for him and he bsaically told me she broke his heart. In that very moment I was like wow, I never knew this and my heart dropped maybe knowing that he really doesnt love me the way I thought he did. Maybe he always loved someone else and only really talked to me because of comfort and that's it. I woke up this morning, but having a lot more clarity on this, but realizing this situation with Pat is bigger then both of us and I don't know how it got this way. I know we are never going to be together again, and at this point I am not so sure I would want to. I think after the whole Kristen thing, I shut up a little more last night and I kept asking myself why I felt that way. It's not like I have never slept, or had a relationship with someone else who broke me heart, but I guess, for me Pat is the one who broke me in half more then anyone else I have been with and it is sad to me, for him I am not that person. I am more confused now then ever and doesnt even involve sex.
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