DenverBachelor Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Tonight I went out again and drank my usual 10-12 drinks a day. Smoking and what not. I went to a nice club in Denver and saw a woman who looked just like my ex and realized I'm not quite there yet. Anyway, I am quitting drinking and smoking cold turkey. I am tired of going down the downward spiral. This is a heartfelt post -- because I've been drinking around 10 drinks average over the past month. I don't know what the next 72 hours will bring, but I am finished living my life like this. I know there's a possibility that I could experience alcohol withdrawal which can sometimes be fatal. My ex is still the beneficiary of my life insurance policy. Not only am I quitting drinking but I am done smoking a pack a day. I started all of this after the breakup. I've fallen into a deep hole that was not unlike the problems I brought into the relationship when I first moved out here (opiate abuse, alcohol, etc). I have quit opiates now for awhile, but I just sank deeper into alcoholism. I've been retreating into altered states of consciousness to shield myself from the pain of loss and the chaos that has enveloped my life. I haven't been true to myself or my goals. I've fallen down and now I'm going to walk alone through a vast desert of recovery. I'm very scared because I don't know what the next 72 hours will bring. What I do know is that I am going to focus on my health, my job and my personal growth. I am done with the drinking and going out every night. I've been avoiding the recovery through all of this. I'm very scared. I truly believe the next few days will be the worst of my life. I won't have a shield from the pain. I'll be dragging myself through the hot sands of the desert alone and I'm so very scared of the challenges that await. I feel as if I've hit rock bottom and I must claw myself back out. The only thing I have is my strong will to move forward and get through this with the help of determination, God and discipline. I'm so very scared.
Toki Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Sorrow happens, hardship happens, the hell with it, who never knew the price of happiness, will not be happy.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Oh man, do you have help with coming off the alcohol? Please try get some support if you can. This is such an honest post and I am PROUD of you for facing these demons and standing up to them. You sound determined and I know you can do it. Keep us posted, ok? Tonight I went out again and drank my usual 10-12 drinks a day. Smoking and what not. I went to a nice club in Denver and saw a woman who looked just like my ex and realized I'm not quite there yet. Anyway, I am quitting drinking and smoking cold turkey. I am tired of going down the downward spiral. This is a heartfelt post -- because I've been drinking around 10 drinks average over the past month. I don't know what the next 72 hours will bring, but I am finished living my life like this. I know there's a possibility that I could experience alcohol withdrawal which can sometimes be fatal. My ex is still the beneficiary of my life insurance policy. Not only am I quitting drinking but I am done smoking a pack a day. I started all of this after the breakup. I've fallen into a deep hole that was not unlike the problems I brought into the relationship when I first moved out here (opiate abuse, alcohol, etc). I have quit opiates now for awhile, but I just sank deeper into alcoholism. I've been retreating into altered states of consciousness to shield myself from the pain of loss and the chaos that has enveloped my life. I haven't been true to myself or my goals. I've fallen down and now I'm going to walk alone through a vast desert of recovery. I'm very scared because I don't know what the next 72 hours will bring. What I do know is that I am going to focus on my health, my job and my personal growth. I am done with the drinking and going out every night. I've been avoiding the recovery through all of this. I'm very scared. I truly believe the next few days will be the worst of my life. I won't have a shield from the pain. I'll be dragging myself through the hot sands of the desert alone and I'm so very scared of the challenges that await. I feel as if I've hit rock bottom and I must claw myself back out. The only thing I have is my strong will to move forward and get through this with the help of determination, God and discipline. I'm so very scared.
Kaya Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Rooting for you DB, remember that you're strong enough to get through this. Take care of yourself and stay determined!
GrayClouds Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) You are in my thoughts DB. God's speed. Denver AA: http://www.daccaa.org/ . Edited November 28, 2009 by GrayClouds
mickleb Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 We're here, collectively, 24-7. Check in on this post when you need to. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. You'll be fine. x
AliveAndKicking Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Prayers up in full force! Listen up champ: As you know alcohol withdrawals can be fatal. Why don't you think about checking yourself into a rehab for a quick detox? That way you'll be safe. There is no shame in taking the safe route ya know! In any case I hope you make it and I hope to see you around here in the very near future. I'm really proud of you. I've been down the same road you've been down and I ain't easy. You want it so you can do it! You can do it!
johan Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Good luck, DB. I'm hoping for the best for you. Maybe after it's all over, you will think it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.
Art_Critic Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 What I do know is that I am going to focus on my health, my job and my personal growth. I am done with the drinking and going out every night. I've been avoiding the recovery through all of this. I'm very scared. Good for you.. Facing who you are isn't an easy task and the steps to improve your life you are taking right now are among the hardest things a person can do.. Post if you need to... I have almost 23 years of sobriety so I've been down your road before so you are not alone. "Serenity is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it."
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