JaggedRoad Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I'm looking back at how I was when my ex broke up with me the second time in 2006. I was so strong. I had my emotions in check, I held my ground, differentiated my feelings from hers, her needs from my own, her interests from mine, and I had a grip on reality. I don't know what the hell happened to me this time. It's like I'm an entirely different person, and I don't know if I'll ever be as strong as I was back then. Is it because of my depression, my faults, my mistakes, or is it just my exhaustion? *knocks head on desk*
USMCHokie Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I have a feeling you'll come out even stronger...even if it doesn't feel like it right now...each experience we have makes us a little better in some way, and perhaps this is just a little low point you're in...obviously that strength and character is in you, it's just a matter of time before it comes back out to play...and it'll be even better this time around...character comes from adversity...can't grow without some crappy times...
dazzle22 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 We need much more info to be able to comment. Is this the same girl all over again? Someone new? Are you depressed at this point while you weren't the last time. So many reasons. You may also have been "more out on a limb" and gave yourself over to loving, I don't know, but when you stick your head far out of the turtle shell and get whacked, it is going to hurt.
kizik Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Often times in relationships we tend to become enmeshed with the other. We take on their emotions, feel what they feel, are only happy if they are, etc. This is a bad thing and it's what we can call codependency. It's not a healthy thing and it comes from a loss of self in the relationship, which is terrible. It's taken me almost two years to find myself again after the breakup, but I'm back now, better than ever and getting better all the time. Don't worry about getting back to yourself again - you will, but it takes a lot of work and self-reflection, desire for old/new friendships and a total re-haul of self. Getting over the loss of a relationship is sometimes harder than the death of a loved one... because the ex is still walking around, and they're choosing not to talk to you. Ouch. Don't stress it, but DO think a lot about what happened, what you've learned. Forgive your ex and forgive yourself.
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 This is the same girl. We were only together for about 7-8 months when she broke up the second time. It was my first semester in college and I was still very carefree. I've always had bouts of depression, but it's definitely worse now. I'm going through a quarter-life crisis and I only have 3 semesters left before I get my first degree in Humanities. Maybe I'm afraid of being alone when I have to enter the real world?
AliveAndKicking Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 You're a little older, you're more heavilly invested in the relationship, you've got more concerns about the future now, and perhaps you're depressed now whereas you weren't before. Many factors at play here. Try not to expend precious energy figuring this out- it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are hurting, here and now, and you are working your way through your present pain and moving towardrs a better future. A better life. Your new life! Remember- this pain is temporary. It will pass given time and some effort of your part. You know this. Be good to yourself. Stay focused on your studies. Stay positive. Read and post as needed. You have everything it takes to pull through this and get to a better place. You CAN and you WILL be okay at the end of the day. You can and you will!
GrayClouds Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Maybe you were more committed, more invested the second time around, o you lowed yourself to depend on the realtionship more. Maybe because you did it allow you the strength to feel like it was time to deal with your depression. It is amazing how people can keep it a bay until they are ready or able to deal with it. It does not feel like it at the time but often in hindsight it comes out when you are able to handle it. Not to say you want to but none the less able to, and again, it never feels like it at the time. We have a way of protecting ourselves from dealing with life's really hard sH#t until we are able to. That may be the case with you now, not fun, but now your able to. Hang in there JAG
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) Thank you all for the help and support =) I was more committed until I withdrew myself from everything when I fell into depression. I guess there were times when I didn't know who I was unless I looked at myself as being one half of the relationship, and maybe that's the reason I was depressed. I don't know... I'll just go back to eating my cookies 'n cream ice cream. Edited November 28, 2009 by JaggedRoad
mickleb Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 No turning back, I'm gonna get on my ducati 848 pearl white and hit the twisties, life is too short for us to be mpoing around!!!!! get out there and live! Just wanted to say, SOOOOO nice to read this, JR. You're doing great. And a Ducati, no less???
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Wait, what? o_O That's not me =s
mickleb Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Wait, what? o_O That's not me =s Oh b*llocks. I am a bloody idiot. Sorry! I have noticed the blood coming back to your veins over the past few days, though, JR and wanted to let you know. *Bit embarrased now!* x
Recommended Posts