Spider322 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 This may get long, but i don't want to post it wrong. That being said, I'm not a very good writer so bear with me. We've been married only for 4 years and we have one 2yr old daughter, not nearly as years and kids as most of the threads i have read. From the beginning i guess. My wife is military and for her first duty we were stationed in Maine were are both from OR. we have just been stationed in WA. moved in this month. in january out of the blue she said she doesn't want to be married anymore, she's not happy she just wants to be single, and said she had felt this way for awhile and finally had to tell me. after 2 days of talking about it she agreed things would be better when we got back around family in OR. and she agreed go to MC. at that time we were unable to start MC due to about to get out of the navy, and go to school full time, so we decided to postpone it till we returned home to OR. Change of plans, 2 months later for reasons out of our control she had to stay in the navy. about May of this year she suddenly she wants a divorce again, another day of talking, she agreed again to MC. later that month when browsing the phone bill i saw in 3 days since the billing period started there were over 300 txts to one # not thinking anything of it i put the # in my phone to see who it was (our phones are backups for each others copy phone # to each others every couple months) we had synced about a week before and a name didn't come so i grabbed her phone and it was saved as only "D" not normal for her, full names always, since those were all data i checked her msgs and it was empty, inbox and sent (at any time she always has 2-300 in each folder) asked her the next day mostly amazed at her cleaning her msgs (i always do) and to ask her who D was so i could put it in the phone, she wouldn't tell said she didn't know a # she probably put in really quick not to forget. so then i asked why there were hundreds of msgs to and from it some of which from the time stamp she said were her best friend who didn't even txt that day took 3 days of lying before she admitted it was someone we worked with and that the txtn was sexual i felt cheated on it took a week for her to agree never to see him except for work related or to ever txt or call him again, 2 weeks later i found out she was using a site to txt flirts to him again she agreed to stop as far as i know it did and nothing physical ever happened i love my wife and have been deeply in love with her since nearly the day i met her and still am despite all she has put me through. since may i have been on here reading alot of similar threads trying to follow the advice, but ours is that little bit different that confuses everything. She doesn't want me to leave but hugging her and kissing her make her feel uncomfortable it doesn't feel right it feels like she want me around because she doesn't have a guy, because we just moved to WA. this month and she needs me to "babysit" on her two week trips abroad. About a month ago she said she wants to separate and doesn't want to go MC she was saying that so i would stop asking yet she doesn't want me to leave. this last month has ripped me up more than anytime in the last year and everything i've done that she wanted has just seemed to push her farther away. last week it all came crashing down, i had to leave to regain my balance as is the only way i can put it, i am normally a very controlled person this month i've been closer to bi-polar than sane i return home this sunday because my wife has to leave for 18 days, I believe i have regained my balance to continue the fight for the love of my life, i just don't know what to do, we are going to try to keep living in the same house (different rooms), not jump into a divorce, but be separated together for our daughter. think of me as the wife in the military, no home is ever anything but hers (owned by the military). most recently her reasons for wanting to not be married she wants to do things on her own, wants to be independent, meet people and wants a life with me as her daughters father only. that is a life almost without me. we are now current and i hope i didn't screw things up to far trying to fix it myself any questions or advice would be great
Navin_R_Johnson Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210295/ Read how this guy handled it. It is the only way. Good luck.
mark982 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 spider, your wife being military,is the other guy military also? if so that's a big military no-no, i'd take copies of texts and calls to their higher ups. brass takes a dim view on this type of action. by your wifes actions she's using you as a back up plan in case this one fizzles out,your going to have to be proactive here,affairs(and it is a affair) thrive in securcy, expose this now. don't go whining to her or tell her what your doing--just do it.
Author Spider322 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 No he is not military he is a civilian contract owned by the military i know in my rambling i was not as clear as i would have liked but he now is 3200 miles away and no longer the actual problem. and i do feel like a crutch to help her through her career of deployments. sadly almost a year has passed before i finally asked for help, and despite my hard work at evasive action and repair i keep loosing ground, i have done some of the things that hav been said not to do, but i have seemed to make the most ground when the possibility of me not being there for her needs are coming true, well at least the "im not telling you to leave when you have no job" remember im the mr wife i follow her from base to base giving up jobs to go to our new home. sorry all i tend to remble when i write, hope you understand
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