dieharder Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 i met a girl...k 3 and a half years ago, me and k were best friends for months before we got together. she was my first love, first everything. her home life wasnt the best, abusive mother with differant boyfriends every week, one of which was also abusive when he was drunk. k never had any friends, was bullied in school for being differant and had to drop out to become home schooled. i was always there for her no matter what. a year later she got some new friends who lived a long way away, she had to get 2 buses to get there. she met a guy and left me for him. he ended up cheating on her and then k came back to me for support, only lasted a week before she found someone else up there. but that again didnt work out and he broke up with her on new years eve. she was with me at the time at the same party, just as friends. we ended up sleeping together that night and got back together a few days after and was together for 6 months with no arguments, it was perfect. buttt then she became homeless after a row with her mother, her aunt took her in but only temporary. her dad lives at the other side of the country...she had to move there and leave me behind. we still talk, shes told me she doesnt love me anymore because "its hard to love someone when theyre not around" ..which i dont believe is true because from the moment she drove away in the car till this day, i havent stopped thinking about her and im still in love with her, its been 4 months now since she left. she told me if she hadnt of moved then we would probably still be together. shes not the most perfect person, but with her upbringing im not sure she understands what love is and how it feels which is not really her fault. im writing this for any advice really, anyone had any similar experiences where things just always got in the way of you being happy with the one you love or have they just got over you within a few months? im not ready to give up on her, but should i? thanks x
dazzle22 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 When we are young, we unconsciously seek out situations and relationships that remind of us something we grew up with. This is all unconscious. Your friend is drawn to chaotic situations, because to her that feels "normal", as odd as that sounds. She grew up seeing her mom with abusive men, and what does she do, she leaves you for someone who cheats on her too. You appear to be drawn to someone who needs help. You may be repeating a situation where you were relied on to caretake at a young age, I don't know, but something is drawing you to troubled women. You really need to look at this, because, let me tell you, that will lead you to nothing but misery. I know, because I always felt compelled to be with troubled men, who needed help, who were having trouble finding direction, on and on. It is NOT a happy way to live. I advise you to carefully look at this and consider that she is not going to be good for you. Hold relationships more loosely when you are young. People are immature, they come and go, they are fickle, they don't even know who they are, let alone who they want to be with at your age. Just look at relationships as learning experiences, and some of them will "run their course" if you will, and you will need to move on from them. She will not bring you happiness....
Author dieharder Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 thank you, that makes alot of sense to me. at the beginning of our relationship she would find a reason to argue and cause a scene in the middle of a street and become very obsessive with me. you're right that ive always tried to take care of her and protect her from all the bad things like drink, drugs and the wrong type of people. to turn her life for the better and not turn out like her mother. she was doing really well, college and a job. but when she met those friends she dropped out of college and hardly turned up for work, started drinking every night and taking drugs. since shes moved away she told me she has a new boyfriend, new job and a small group of friends but also tells me she feels lonely and sad often which i cant understand why if she has these things. is it she is missing me and not realising it or missing the chaotic situations as u said. i will get over her eventually and look for someone more stable but until then i feel in my heart that she will be back one day.
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