WhereDoesTheGoodGo Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I first registered here about 4 months ago when my now ex broke up with me. At the time he wasn't sure if he loved me but then he came back 4 days after claiming he had made a mistake, that he was only scared of commitment etc then progressed to show me and tell me that he does want in my life for the next 3 months of so. I admitted that I had been often unreasonable with me, but that it stemmed from lack of communication. We talked and talked how to make things better. After all this we were communicating better, talking about the future, he even said how good things were going until about a month and a half ago. We both got new jobs, which meant less time for us, less dates, less communication. Then we had a final argument in which everything fell into pieces. He has a history of not dealing well with conflict, and once again he ran away from it rather than dealing with it. I panicked and bombarded him with messages, taking all the blame and apologizing over and over again. On that final night I felt his distance, and that caused a reaction in me which I'm not proud of. I admit some words were said in the last argument that were very hurtful towards him, I did not shout but was emotionally abusive. I've since started seeing a counsellor and he knows that I want to work on my issues. The next morning we talked about it, make up but things were clearly not right. He then wanted space and stopped communicating with me for 5 days. He then broke up with me with an email stating that he had been trying to hold us together for too long, and he was emotionally exhausted, and did not want to be with me anymore. I rang him and asked him if this was really what he wanted. He wasn't sure. We met 3 days after this incident when his mind seemed made up. He said he loved me but could not be with me. I guess all I want to know is if he does/did truly love me. I feel that yes I pushed him away, but also he was already on his way out. I recognize a lot of it was my fault but perhaps he was going to go anyway. I've apologized so many times, and I guess I'm not looking to win him back, but just closure. I feel like I should send him one more apology or talk to him just to apologize one more time. I guess I'm wondering if he really did love me and didn't want to break up but could not handle it anymore, or used my recognition of my own faults as a get out cause because he was too afraid to admit that he'd fallen in love with me in August already, but staid for his own convenience. Any ideas?
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