hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 what you are going through. Those are the words from my stbxh in his latest email and it angers me. He has no clue. Am thinking of sending him to this site and yes, my username as well. How dare he say he understands, what bullcrap! Stop me please. No, I don't want him back.
LisaUk Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) Hi H & D Cannot belive he is STILL doing this! SO disrespectful to you. My advice is don't read anymore of his e-mails, texts, just delete without opening, anything he sends to your place, don't sign for and return to sender and letters, unopened return to sender, phone calls ignore. If he persists, go see a lawyer and get a b*****y interlocatorary injuction taken out on his a**, you can get one is a little as 4 hours here from a court. Then he won't be able to be in 50 yards of you or contact you without being arrested for contempt of court (punishable with a sentance of up to 5 years in jail!), go all out nuclear on his a** the man is a selfish idiot. Edited November 27, 2009 by LisaUk
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) Am thinking of sending him to this site and yes, my username as well. How dare he say he understands, what bullcrap! Stop me please. No, I don't want him back. No, don't do that. This is YOUR site. LS is yours. He has taken so much from you. And cr*p like that email is to only make you feel worse and make him out to be the victim. What a jerk he is. hopes. This is OUR site. And start NC if possible. Don't read his emails anymore. Edited November 27, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
Cranialrupture Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 DON'T DO IT!!! lol. Seriously, the only thing that makes waw/wah's feel better about what they are doing is to play the victim. Its always the same, "you did this or didn't do that" bs. Feelinglonely is right. Do not make him out to be the victim and stop victimizing yourself. It will only become a pi$$ing match between whose the bigger victim and will only end in more pain, guaranteed.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I spent 10 years of my life with a man I would have died for. Where the heck did he go???
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 No, don't do that. This is YOUR site. LS is yours. He has taken so much from you. And cr*p like that email is to only make you feel worse and make him out to be the victim. What a jerk he is. hopes. This is OUR site. And start NC if possible. Don't read his emails anymore. I have been NC, on my end, for almost 2 months? I don't know how long, stopped counting the days, weeks. You are exactly right. Every email, text, delivery of something he got off ebay knowing I would like it, is all self-serving. Everything I get, a few words here or there, etc just plays on my mind for days. I have not written him. But, I feel very helpless right now.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Hi H & D Cannot belive he is STILL doing this! SO disrespectful to you. My advice is don't read anymore of his e-mails, texts, just delete without opening, anything he sends to your place, don't sign for and return to sender and letters, unopened return to sender, phone calls ignore. If he persists, go see a lawyer and get a b*****y interlocatorary injuction taken out on his a**, you can get one is a little as 4 hours here from a court. Then he won't be able to be in 50 yards of you or contact you without being arrested for contempt of court (punishable with a sentance of up to 5 years in jail!), go all out nuclear on his a** the man is a selfish idiot. It's gotten to the point where I am envisioning myself driving to his place, knocking at his door..his you know what answers and I tell her all that has been happening since he has left. He would come to the door and then what? I would laugh hysterically and tell them both what losers they are, then walk away. What rubbish!! He won't leave me alone Lisa. He NEEDS to be in my thoughts every waking minute for HIM. He enjoys my pain.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I first stumbled onto this site looking for answers to my questions and there they were staring at me, from those who took the time to help. I feel so bad because only the responses I wanted were the ones that were listened to. I have really made a pigs ear of it. Did all the wrong things!! In hindsight is how I give advice on here to those who are suffering. I did everything so wrong. If only I had listened.
Cranialrupture Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I first stumbled onto this site looking for answers to my questions and there they were staring at me, from those who took the time to help. I feel so bad because only the responses I wanted were the ones that were listened to. I have really made a pigs ear of it. Did all the wrong things!! In hindsight is how I give advice on here to those who are suffering. I did everything so wrong. If only I had listened. Don't beat yourself up. If only a lot of us had. Its normal for us to seek out advice that we want to hear. Its goes against everything to listen to advice and have an open mind when its not what we want to hear. Thats why so many of our ex's seek out justification so hard because they only want to see and hear what they want. example...My ex got ticked off at me because I contacted her family and some of her friends awhile back. I thought it was weird and gave in because I didn't want a fight. Looking back now she got mad because she was so scared of me talking to her family and friends (even though they were our friends) and them going to her and telling her what she didn't want to hear. She only wants to talk to her family and friends if they will tell her what she wants to hear. Imagine that. Its what we all do so don't be hard on yourself.
hurting_in_nw Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 DO NOT read anything he sends you. The time to turn things around is now. Don't send him to this site. Don't let him know anything about you anymore. He made his choice and now must start learning to live with it. This is about YOU, not him.
LisaUk Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Everything I get, a few words here or there, etc just plays on my mind for days. I have not written him. But, I feel very helpless right now. H & D You are not helpless, you have the power here to not read anything from him and stop having the thoughts go round in your mind for days. I know it's hard, you open those mails and everytime you hope that it says what you want to hear, but each time it doesn't. You must trust your gut that this man is playing with you. If he truely wanted you back, he would be back, he's cake eating, reliving his guilt, put an end to your suffering and take control of your life and happiness back from him, don't read anymore. It's gotten to the point where I am envisioning myself driving to his place, knocking at his door..his you know what answers and I tell her all that has been happening since he has left. He would come to the door and then what? I would laugh hysterically and tell them both what losers they are, then walk away. What rubbish!! He won't leave me alone Lisa. He NEEDS to be in my thoughts every waking minute for HIM. He enjoys my pain. He is harressing you, see a lawyer if needs be, seriously, send him the message you are done with this and his behaviour is unacceptable. This is about YOU now, we have to get you through this and one of the best ways to start is to go NC, both ways. I first stumbled onto this site looking for answers to my questions and there they were staring at me, from those who took the time to help. I feel so bad because only the responses I wanted were the ones that were listened to. I have really made a pigs ear of it. Did all the wrong things!! In hindsight is how I give advice on here to those who are suffering. I did everything so wrong. If only I had listened. Well, as a law judgement I just read said "even a fool can see the possibility of damage in hindsight", in other words even the law looks upon what damage could have been foreseen in culpability, so don't feel bad, what you felt was normal and totally understandable. It's all part of the process and as long as we get there in the end, that's all that matters. Don't beat yourself up. If only a lot of us had. Its normal for us to seek out advice that we want to hear. Its goes against everything to listen to advice and have an open mind when its not what we want to hear. Thats why so many of our ex's seek out justification so hard because they only want to see and hear what they want. example...My ex got ticked off at me because I contacted her family and some of her friends awhile back. I thought it was weird and gave in because I didn't want a fight. Looking back now she got mad because she was so scared of me talking to her family and friends (even though they were our friends) and them going to her and telling her what she didn't want to hear. She only wants to talk to her family and friends if they will tell her what she wants to hear. Imagine that. Its what we all do so don't be hard on yourself. Oh so TRUE! My ex went to a counsellor for goodness sake and after only 4, 50 min sessions had "discovered" that he didn't have the same feelings for me. Hmmm, maybe you went looking for justifications for your Commitment Phobia?! I later found out the "counsellor" isn't even qualified, totally bogus! LOL As for the friends, I have a friends couple (his friends as well), she saw him only once after he jilted me, she expressed how she felt about he had treated me and low and behold? They have never heard from him again! So true, all you have said is so true.
LisaUk Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 PS. Sorry for the legal references, when you live, eat and sleep law school you soon become a law bore!
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Did you or did you not send the STBXH to this site?
Author hopesndreams Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 No, I did not send the egomaniac to this site. Why give him something he would enjoy reading? He wouldn't feel bad, he's incapable of it, he only pretends to be sorry. He is a walking, talking piece of sh*t. When the hey does indifference happen? This site is about ME! He ain't welcome. Ever. We are finished, done, kaput. I am not in communication with him and I refuse to go into hiding. My email and cell phone will remain the same. What thrill is he getting by sending unanswered emails and texts? It's warped. I am not usually a "thread starter" but so glad I reached out. I like to think and act tough but that weak, helpless person comes out at times, and I still blubber at the very thought of him and the life we used to have together. To all those that have reached out, many thx. Much appreciated.
Cranialrupture Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 H&D your doing good. We all have weak moments. Nothing to be ashamed of. You did good posting your ideas here. Hang in there and be tough.
JaneDoe35 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Hi hopes - I knew you wouldn't send him to Love Shack - but I also know why the idea appealed. I have fantasised about my husband reading all my posts & the responses, seeing how horrible he has been & what a huge mistake he is making and begging for my forgiveness!!!! Ha ha - how stupid the mind becomes when desperation sets in. I think maybe this time of year is especially hard - if it can get any harder!!! You are a fantastic lady hopes and you have given me so much great advice and I will never forget that... JD
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 No, I did not send the egomaniac to this site. This site is about ME! He ain't welcome. Ever. To all those that have reached out, many thx. Much appreciated. Good for hnd. That was a quick turnaround from a little more than 24 hrs earlier. Did something happen to change your mind and make you so sure of your feelings now?
Gunny376 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've for the past couple of days have been pondering your situation along with others ~ and I've simply have come to the conclusion that its comes down to the diversity of life. There are biological and psychological factors to be considered. As well as nature verses nurture consideration (that is to say who we were born as, vs. the family were born into and raised in.) And I've read quite a bit on the subject ~ (which does not make me the "duty expert' by any length of the imagination. But for me it comes down to this. There are simply people (both men and women) who are incapable of maintaining and sustaining long term relationships. They simply lack the relationship / communication / EG (Emotional Intelligence) to pull it off? And so they bounce from one relationship to another. When the going gets rough? They get to going! They know the gig is up! And the reason that there's so much hell, hate and discontent in 'relationship' la~la land is that too many of us that have what it takes to sustain, nurture, tough it out in a relationship? Tag up with those that don't. That don't even have a clue as to how to do so. Indeed aren't even interested in taking the time, energy and effort to even begin to make the effort. Think about it? Most of us here on Love Shack have been blessed by God to be of above average intelligence. Most of us are educated both formally and informally, (that is to say we go to the library, book stores and read non fiction books) We found Love Shack and became members because we were looking for the answers to the questions and solutions to the problems. The people that become members of Love Shack are not of the common herd of people. They care and have a lot of love to give ~ to the right person. They've got a lot to give ~ and they're willing to grow and learn. They're willing to accept and own their short-comings. Their faults and their failures. They're willing to adapt, improvise and over-come. And that says a lot about the people that they are. DO NOT succumb to his level of pettiness! This forum is yours and yours only! Besides if he were to post to one of your threads? I'd have to get "Gunny" on him and it wouldn't be pretty and it wouldn't be fun. (I went 'ape' on a 'Traveler' (Someone that travels around doing roofing jobs, asphalt jobs at half the cost ~ because they do a half-@zz job of what a normal contractor would do? The job specks call for three inchs of asphault ~ they lay one and half inchs) They generally rip off retirees and old people. To the OP, forget this guy! Anything he's got to offer? You can find just as good if not better! Anything he's got to give? You can do better! Now go out and find youself a decent guy that you can grab the by the ears and who will grab you by the ears ~ from time to time and has the balls to tell you ~ LISTEN TO ME!
trippi1432 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 what you are going through. Those are the words from my stbxh in his latest email and it angers me. He has no clue. Am thinking of sending him to this site and yes, my username as well. How dare he say he understands, what bullcrap! Stop me please. No, I don't want him back. H&D - I've had the same thoughts as you...wanted to send him here and let him see how his stupidty affected me...the fact is, he doesn't care about me....only himself. Time to move on...yeah, it's hard to do that but you have to learn how.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Good for hnd. That was a quick turnaround from a little more than 24 hrs earlier. Did something happen to change your mind and make you so sure of your feelings now? I've had those same feelings before but had lost them for a little bit. I am an obsessive person and have been getting triggers, many of em, this past week, which brought me down. He must get out of my thoughts. The communication from his end must stop in order for that to happen.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Hi hopes - I knew you wouldn't send him to Love Shack - but I also know why the idea appealed. I have fantasised about my husband reading all my posts & the responses, seeing how horrible he has been & what a huge mistake he is making and begging for my forgiveness!!!! Ha ha - how stupid the mind becomes when desperation sets in. I think maybe this time of year is especially hard - if it can get any harder!!! You are a fantastic lady hopes and you have given me so much great advice and I will never forget that... JD Thanks Jane. You have helped me out as well. Our stories are so very similar. You are doing all the right things and I admire you.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 There are simply people (both men and women) who are incapable of maintaining and sustaining long term relationships. They simply lack the relationship / communication / EG (Emotional Intelligence) to pull it off? And so they bounce from one relationship to another. When the going gets rough? They get to going! They know the gig is up! This, right there, hit home with me. There was nothing I could have done to save us. He was weak and a coward. There was no communication from him, to give me the heads up, that there was even anything wrong with our life together. He was stressed and felt neglected, in his mind, because my teenage daughter had a baby. That was something he just couldn't handle. He was jealous of a little baby. Did he communicate any of that to me? No, he did not. I had to figure that out on my own but by the time I did, it was too late.
Recommended Posts