hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 What are the positives in your life without your mate in it? Whenever I think of him, I imagine he is in my life now, sharing the moment and sharing what we did with our day. The thing is, I would never be experiencing what is doing being done now, with him in my life. The people met, I would never have met them, and I have met some very cool people! My life, as it is now, would be completely different. I no longer plan my life around his life and what he wants to do. It's all about me. It seems as though my strengths and intelligence were overshadowed by him. This is self discovery. These thoughts came about because someone asked me, "What is it like living alone?" I started to explain, but then felt embarrassed and the first time, in such a long time, I blushed. Truth be known, I am proud of me. Scared for me as well but the trials and tribulations of life makes us who we are and what we are to become.
Cranialrupture Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Ha I was just talking to my friend about that today. I am returning to be ME!! I am honestly scared and excited at the same time. I have been so weighted down its hard to believe I didn't see it before. I am going out more often, meeting alot of new people, have more freedom and can and am doing whatever the hell I want and I don't and won't answer to anyone. I am starting to love it. I look at my ex and all I see is all of her old baggage weighing her down that she won't let go of and I can't help but feel sorry and smile at the same time. My old life is over. My new life is just beginning and there are so many doors its hard to choose which one I want to open lol. I am eating better, getting back into shape, more energy, actually getting excited for upcoming events. Get to decorate the house the way I want. I never even had so much as two feet that I could decorate. Its was all my ex's decorating. She saw I had taken down most of her decorations and said "you don't have to give me all the decorations, you can keep some". That was awhile ago, I left a few up, but they are down now. I was just keeping them because I was trying so hard to not let go. Now I can't get it all out fast enough lol. By old me, welcome new me =). Sure I miss her. But I don't miss the supression. I feel like I can breathe again. In a way its refreshing. I
Cranialrupture Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 oops I double posted, not sure how I did it, sorry.
trippi1432 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Great question! I would have to say the biggest thing is being able to go out with friends (was never allowed to do that before, should have been suspicious when he tried to encourage it the last year or two). Also just generally trying to enjoy life with a little less screaming and yelling.....at least it gives my nerves a break until he breaks LC...(I find it takes a few days to get that center back).
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) I eat when I want. Where I want. What I want. The house is cleaner than ever. Get up when I want. Go to sleep when I want. Don't have to be quiet and tiptoe around because she is sleeping in again. Can make last minute spontaneous decisions to do whatever. I may take up SCUBA lessons. Will probably start going to more sporting events. Not so worried about money and saving for the future. (She had lots of debts and took them with her when she ran - and she was terrible with money.) If I want to stay out all day with my teenage sons, no worrying that she is back home alone. Can go out with any friends or family whenever I want without explaining where I'm going. Don't have to worry about whenever I get to wherever I'm going to text here that I am there. ETC. (But I'd give it all up to go back a few months when we were happy and in love.) Almost 3 weeks of NC now - and I'm flying up and down the rollercoater of emotions now. I know back then her A would probably have happened eventually ... but I am different now. And most of the elements (mostly her unemployment) that contributed to her MLC are gone now... I doubt if she would do it again with the new me and greater stability she has now because she is employed again. Good thread hnd. PEACE! Edited November 27, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Ha I was just talking to my friend about that today. I am returning to be ME!! I am honestly scared and excited at the same time. I have been so weighted down its hard to believe I didn't see it before. I am going out more often, meeting alot of new people, have more freedom and can and am doing whatever the hell I want and I don't and won't answer to anyone. I am starting to love it. I look at my ex and all I see is all of her old baggage weighing her down that she won't let go of and I can't help but feel sorry and smile at the same time. My old life is over. My new life is just beginning and there are so many doors its hard to choose which one I want to open lol. I am eating better, getting back into shape, more energy, actually getting excited for upcoming events. Get to decorate the house the way I want. I never even had so much as two feet that I could decorate. Its was all my ex's decorating. She saw I had taken down most of her decorations and said "you don't have to give me all the decorations, you can keep some". That was awhile ago, I left a few up, but they are down now. I was just keeping them because I was trying so hard to not let go. Now I can't get it all out fast enough lol. By old me, welcome new me =). Sure I miss her. But I don't miss the supression. I feel like I can breathe again. In a way its refreshing. I We lose ourselves in the M don't we? Their problems are paramount to ours, yes? Their wants and needs take precedence over ours, forever and always, and maybe, just maybe that's why they can bail so easily. When things stop being just about them they start to look elsewhere. Yeah, get rid of the old decorations and onto the new!!
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Great question! I would have to say the biggest thing is being able to go out with friends (was never allowed to do that before, should have been suspicious when he tried to encourage it the last year or two). Also just generally trying to enjoy life with a little less screaming and yelling.....at least it gives my nerves a break until he breaks LC...(I find it takes a few days to get that center back). My h would be able to go out with friends, go to his "meetings" with the boys, a lodge...while I would be sat home awaiting his return! He was able to go out boozing til all hours "with the boys" and whenever I wanted to go out with the girls there would be the big sulky face and all the questions! It got to the point where I lost all my friends because I wasn't able to spend any time with them. He became my world. He won. That is why I have been struggling for so long, my identity was lost in him.
Author hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I eat when I want. Where I want. What I want. The house is cleaner than ever. Get up when I want. Go to sleep when I want. Don't have to be quiet and tiptoe around because she is sleeping in again. Can make last minute spontaneous decisions to do whatever. I may take up SCUBA lessons. Will probably start going to more sporting events. Not so worried about money and saving for the future. (She had lots of debts and took them with her when she ran - and she was terrible with money.) If I want to stay out all day with my teenage sons, no worrying that she is back home alone. Can go out with any friends or family whenever I want without explaining where I'm going. Don't have to worry about whenever I get to wherever I'm going to text here that I am there. ETC. (But I'd give it all up to go back a few months when we were happy and in love.) Almost 3 weeks of NC now - and I'm flying up and down the rollercoater of emotions now. I know back then her A would probably have happened eventually ... but I am different now. And most of the elements (mostly her unemployment) that contributed to her MLC are gone now... I doubt if she would do it again with the new me and greater stability she has now because she is employed again. Good thread hnd. PEACE! We certainly are different now. They wouldn't get away with 1/2 the sh*t they did at one time, if they didn't leave and make us "different". We now have different outlooks on what a relationship really is. What a healthy relationship entails. They were diseased but we were there for them and loved them.
bloggervenus Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Happy and scared. That is how I feel. I am excited about the future but at the same time unknown scares me a bit. What is going to happen? How can I be sure that it will be good? I hope I don't end up with a guy who will break my hard? How do I meet people? All my friends are married. Don't really have any girl friends to go out with! But yeah, I love it that it is about me. I can now discover what "I" want...Love it.
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) We certainly are different now. They wouldn't get away with 1/2 the sh*t they did at one time, if they didn't leave and make us "different". We now have different outlooks on what a relationship really is. What a healthy relationship entails. They were diseased but we were there for them and loved them. I do not even rememebr the person I used to be!!! Every freaking thing has changed - all for the better. My STBXW even told me recently are now the perfect H, the H I always wanted you to be. So they why didn't you f*ck*ng come home W?!?!?!? Edited November 28, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
nobmagnet Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I am excited to about mine and the kids future. Its our future and nobody change have a say. I love goingto bed when I want, having the girls round when I want goingout looking more confident than I have for years and years. He put me down to the point I was a nobody...............it shocks him every time he sees me because I look better and have plans. He too looked regretful about how good I am. He put me down and I am back to my old self......mostly. More confident and deffo happier in general. Bring it on
PWSX3 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 For me it is different because I was the controlling husband most of the woman are running from. What I was doing I thought was what a husband supposes to do, watch over his wife, protect her. What I didn't know is that was controlling & I really do believe a lot of it was because I was insecure with myself. Because I was that controlling H I was able to come & go like I wanted yet I would get mad when she went out with her dumb friends. (sound familiar for some here?) Even though it was her idea for the divorce I have learned a lot.... I learned I like my house cleaner then she did & now it is clean. I can cook as good if not better then she did. I learned that it hurts when you look at yourself & except what you do wrong. Stop blaming others for what you did....(best thing that could have happened for me) It's nice just to do what you want without having to worry about the other person & what they want to do. You don't have to compromise... Learned that you shouldn't let others control how you live. Yes even though she blamed me for everything she also had her ways of controlling me....We both battled for control instead of working together.. I have more money now even though it's just my income. I don't have to have a picture hanging on every wall. Doesn't matter what the position of the toilet seat is anymore. You get to use up all the hot water in a shower!!!:laugh:
Cranialrupture Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I don't have to have a picture hanging on every wall. Doesn't matter what the position of the toilet seat is anymore. You get to use up all the hot water in a shower!!!:laugh: HAHAHAHA so very very true. I actually have no pictures on my walls and it honestly looks better. I never realized how bad her design ideas where. I spent a little money on an end table, lamp, new curtains, rearranged the couches brought the book case up from down stairs and it looks so much better now. I am not embarresed when people come over now because it looks so nice. Yes I am bragging a little bit. And the toilet seat and shower thing you so nailed on the head lol.
trippi1432 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 For me it is different because I was the controlling husband most of the woman are running from. What I was doing I thought was what a husband supposes to do, watch over his wife, protect her. What I didn't know is that was controlling & I really do believe a lot of it was because I was insecure with myself. Because I was that controlling H I was able to come & go like I wanted yet I would get mad when she went out with her dumb friends. (sound familiar for some here?) Even though it was her idea for the divorce I have learned a lot.... I learned I like my house cleaner then she did & now it is clean. I can cook as good if not better then she did. I learned that it hurts when you look at yourself & except what you do wrong. Stop blaming others for what you did....(best thing that could have happened for me) It's nice just to do what you want without having to worry about the other person & what they want to do. You don't have to compromise... Learned that you shouldn't let others control how you live. Yes even though she blamed me for everything she also had her ways of controlling me....We both battled for control instead of working together.. I have more money now even though it's just my income. I don't have to have a picture hanging on every wall. Doesn't matter what the position of the toilet seat is anymore. You get to use up all the hot water in a shower!!!:laugh: Great post PW - yeah...I can relate alot of my marriage to your post....
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