clingymon Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 my gf and i had been 2gether for 4+ yrs. with very few issues in our relationship...we hardly ever fight and if we did we always would work it out relatively easy...good communication and lots of mutal love and respect...she has 2 young boys and they have started alot of activities in the last yr and a half which has put a strain on our time we get 2gether...between work and having the kids half the time and all their activities...ie soccer...cub scouts...karate... and trying 2 find time 4 me she has been really overwhelmed in the last yr...the togetherness and intimacy has dropped off which has made me more needy when it comes 2 spending the little time i have with her...and also has me questioning her about interest in other people...which she flat out denies...she says she barley has time 4 me let alone some1 else...bout a month ago we had a disagreement and that turn into her saying she is overwhelmed rite now and emotionally and physically drained...she said she wants up to 6 months alone 2 have some time 4 herself and 2 get her head straight...i agreed 2 this and she said it would be easier with nc which i agreed 2 also...it has been 3 1/2 weeks of nc and i think i am going 2 lose my mind...i love her with all my heart...i feel like fighting for this relationship but i know continuing nc is the best thing 2 do...she says she loves me with all of her heart and dont want 2 lose/hurt me but this is something she needs 2 do...says she understands if i cant wait 4 her and dont want me 2 put my life on hold.... promises 2 contact me when she gets herself in order...does it sound like she is done with us and just trying 2 let me down easy...or can these things work themselves out??? i am in agony over this and i just cant seem 2 move on!!! i want sooo bad 2 contact her or write her a letter asking her if there is a chance 4 us in the future...i know i shouldnt but the draw is almost unbearable...i miss her soooo very much!!! does any1 out there know how 2 help this hurt and misery go away??? she consumes my thoughts day and night...i cant go on like this!!!!
DenverBachelor Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 My vote is that she *IS* seeing someone else right now. I've never seen a situation where someone said, "I need some time alone to get myself in order" and not have actually mean, "I need some time away from you so I can pursue this other person." It just doesn't make sense to me -- because unless you're beating her or being emotionally abusive, why does she need to get her **** straight without you? That's not a very strong way at looking at a relationship. What makes a lot more sense is the fact that she said, "you don't have to wait around." You would be surprised how much gap there can be between words, intentions and actions.
GrayClouds Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 My vote is that she *IS* seeing someone else right now. I've never seen a situation where someone said, "I need some time alone to get myself in order" and not have actually mean, "I need some time away from you so I can pursue this other person." It just doesn't make sense to me -- because unless you're beating her or being emotionally abusive, why does she need to get her **** straight without you? That's not a very strong way at looking at a relationship. What makes a lot more sense is the fact that she said, "you don't have to wait around." You would be surprised how much gap there can be between words, intentions and actions. Sorry but DB is right. "Myself" means "myself and someone new". The best course of action is to read and then do: So you want a second chance?
dazedat39 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Hey man sorry for your troubles I'm in the same boat at the moment we broke up seven weeks ago she said she needed to focus on herself and her kid. That is true. She's got way too much stress right now. She's about to turn 40 is twice divorced first one beat her the second cheated on her and drove her crazY through the divorce wouldn't move out until they could sell their house. She and her kid are living in her dads basement right now. She's sooo unhappy with life. We dated off and on years ago and started again a!out six months into her divorce. Anyway mine is definitely not with anyone new I'd know small town and all and she's best friends with the wife of my best friend. I get regular updates. I heard she's sounded like she's having a breakdown at times. Don't think it has to do with me though just her situation right now. She's been keeping tabs on me as well but we don't talk on the phone. I have had some text and email since the break and we slept together one night. She sugessted we keep it on that level as we both have needs and all but don't think I could keep things sparated on my end though.I love her and miss her like crazy. she doesn't want to get married again told me so early into this and knows that at some point in my life that I want to. She told me she can't give me what I need right now. I guess I respect that at least. Everyone says she's not done with us she just needs time to get her act together. She told me she doesn't love herself right now. She's seeing a therapist which I guess is good and hope it helps her and her kid. So long story short is yes it is possible that she needs time. Sounds like mine does but it doesn't mean I'm going to wait around for her. I've got my life to live too. I guess every situation is different.so don't jump to any conclusions about someone else being in the picture. Only u know your girls character. Sorry typing on a backberry here. If u want to talk more to me let me know. Compare notes and all but anyway Good luck brother.
Author clingymon Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 hey dazedat...wow!!! sounds almost like a carbon copy of my siuation...except she kept her house from the divorce...she was divorced twice...1st was a closet druggie and attacked her 1 nite...2nd she settled for cause she wanted 2 have kids and was never truly in love w him...she says she never wants 2 get married again either...but i somehow thot i could change her mind down the road...1st week of our break i contacted her and went over her house(we own a boat 2gether and it needed 2 go in storage) so we did that 2gether then back 2 her place and talked...she assured me adamatly that there was no 1 else!!! she was just overwhelmed with everything work...kids...their activities..household responsibilities...she has been stressed for a while now...extremely stressed!!! she has gained weight over the last few yrs and is miserable bout that...u know how girls can b about their weight..shes completly miserable bout herself....she told me that she loves me with all her heart...is still very attracted 2 me...and thinks she just needs time and therapy 2 get her stress under control...she holds alot of guilt towards her kids for going thru the divorce with their dad...her character is not the cheating type @ all...all her relationships have been long committed ones...u see i been feeling miserable bout myself cause i put so much stock into our relationship...and when things started goin a little off kilter...i started panicing and pushin 4 more of her time that she didnt have...i was smothering her!!! so i can understand how she would kinda pull away...she wanted nc cause shes afraid that im gonna talk her into getting back into our old routine again...and she really feels she needs this time 2 catch up and get herslf 2gether...she hasnt had the time for therapy either and now she is goin again so that is good...all in all i believe there is a very good chance that we can work this out...i just need 2 give her the space she needs and hope for the best...i am discovering that i dont need some1 else 2 b truly happy and i am finding my old happy self again....lot of soul searchin workin out ect....makes me feel better...but i know that i will be miserable without her in my life...but i gotta focus on me 4 now and hope that she can get herself 2gether...i think if we end up back 2gether we will be a much stronger couple and better 4 it!! if not i will be on my way 2 healing and finding some1 else who can be there for me 100%...srry so damn long...but this is therapy 4 me too!!! nice 2 hear some hopeful comments rather than all the negative stuff...but i do appreciate every1s opinions...thaks for the insight dude...lets talk more
9Lives Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 My vote is that she *IS* seeing someone else right now. I've never seen a situation where someone said, "I need some time alone to get myself in order" and not have actually mean, "I need some time away from you so I can pursue this other person." It just doesn't make sense to me -- because unless you're beating her or being emotionally abusive, why does she need to get her **** straight without you? That's not a very strong way at looking at a relationship. What makes a lot more sense is the fact that she said, "you don't have to wait around." You would be surprised how much gap there can be between words, intentions and actions. I agree. She is seeing someone else. now that you know..,.play your cards right. which is not RUN AFTER HER. So many of us on here have been thru so much of what you are going to go thru so listen. let her be and if she comes back around...i dont know if you should...people leave again and again
EYECANDY000 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Maybe she does just need time to herself. And her kids.. I seems like she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, and she's using the whole ' don't put your life on hold for me' excuse.. I know its hard not to do NC, but sometimes its the best. Before you two went your seperate ways did you try asking her if there is something that you can do ?
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