Nightwolf Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I live with my Girlfriend and her son that just turned 14. We have been dating for about 4 years and have lived all together for 3. The first month that we moved out, My girlfriends dad died. Her mother had to stay with us and it drove me nuts. After a few months of "overstay" and arguments, Her mother finally moved out. My girlfriends son got into alot of trouble after all that and I don't feel close to him at all anymore. Though a good hearted kid - I don't believe that I will ever trust him as I once did. I am the only one that has a license, So I do alot of running. My girlfriend is very insecure both about her weight and is very clinging in general. (I don't think that I can leave the room for 4 minutes without her following me) It's hard to sleep when she won't leave me the hell alone. I mean, I love her. I just feel so overwhelmed. All the changes, and combined with her insecurity, Am I just holding on to something I should be running from? I find myself happy in knowing/believing that I love her and her son. Taking care of them. But on the other hand - I never seem to be at peace. I feel as if all I do is work or spend time trying to not get annoyed by her bord son that seems to need constant attention. Where is the line? She pushes sometimes about marriage and more children. So often that I wonder if she's trying to just "lock me in". On the other hand, Those things are appealing to me. But only after we get some of the other things straightend out. I find myself depressed and resentful. At times thinking of how much easier it would be to walk away from all of this. But they need me. And I guess, (love) I need them right?
GrayClouds Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I live with my Girlfriend and her son that just turned 14. We have been dating for about 4 years and have lived all together for 3. The first month that we moved out, My girlfriends dad died. Her mother had to stay with us and it drove me nuts. After a few months of "overstay" and arguments, Her mother finally moved out. My girlfriends son got into alot of trouble after all that and I don't feel close to him at all anymore. Though a good hearted kid - I don't believe that I will ever trust him as I once did. I am the only one that has a license, So I do alot of running. My girlfriend is very insecure both about her weight and is very clinging in general. (I don't think that I can leave the room for 4 minutes without her following me) It's hard to sleep when she won't leave me the hell alone. I mean, I love her. I just feel so overwhelmed. All the changes, and combined with her insecurity, Am I just holding on to something I should be running from? I find myself happy in knowing/believing that I love her and her son. Taking care of them. But on the other hand - I never seem to be at peace. I feel as if all I do is work or spend time trying to not get annoyed by her bord son that seems to need constant attention. Where is the line? She pushes sometimes about marriage and more children. So often that I wonder if she's trying to just "lock me in". On the other hand, Those things are appealing to me. But only after we get some of the other things straightend out. I find myself depressed and resentful. At times thinking of how much easier it would be to walk away from all of this. But they need me. And I guess, (love) I need them right? If your depressed then walking away will like not help that, that little friend depression has a way of following. It does sound like you need to make some changes to help you with you situation. I suspect your GF has always been a bit needy, which in the beginning you like because it rewarding and put you in control. You were about to take care of here and her problems and got to be the white knight. But now it is more of a burden, hence the resentment, because you solve the problems rather then helping her to learn to solve her own. I recommendation is for you to find a good counselor to work through your depression and resentment, understand how you contributed to it, and how you can better understand healthy boundaries with the ones you love. Doing this work give you quality "me" time that your in need of plus will make you a better partner. As you do that couple/family counseling would be good too to help you and your GF find a better pattern of behavior that will give both of you more satisfaction in the relationship. More importantly, giving this boy an example of how real men handle problems in a relationship is one of the best gift you can give him. The rewards of working through this will be much greater then any temporary relief of walking away before you know you have tried your hardest.
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