Devil Inside Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 i know i have a issue with her job, i dont want her to quit i just want her to realize that its pulling us further apart and not to do it cuz things will only get worse. I will without a blink of an eye do anything to fix this, if she needs me to understand i will. But i just think if she takes on too much she wont have time for me or the baby. I will gladley admit anything that i have done wrong and belive me i keep looking for it. This is like splinters in my head. But ive never had her just not want to even try for us. This seems reasonable my brother. You just don't feel like you and your daughter are a priority in her life. She may be getting defensive about this because she may have some guilt. Either way...I agree that MC would be a good idea. It may not help everyone, but it is going to give you the best chance, and if she is willing that is a great sign. Good luck...I hope you two can figure this all out.
The Midnight Rider Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Sierra, I am old and wise. Well, old. Anyway, at face value it appears that your wife has just run smack dab into the edge of the ocean. She looked out at it's vastness and saw that it is bigger than herself and that's what a marriage is. It's bigger than one person and that is the way it is supposed to be. It is designed to be permanent and with that comes a large dose of reality and for some when they first get married it can be an overdose. This isn't gonna be over quickly for you but I have a little advice on how to deal with it. 1. Take the lead. She's confused and angry and misery loves company. Don't take the bait. You have a goal and that's to keep your marriage together. Don't deviate and don't relent. Dig in and get ready. 2. When she tries to go over the edge and take you with her, just settle down, smile and let her go about her way. There's no sense in both of you getting upset because she is confused. 3. Try to be as accommodating to her as you can be within reason. If I'm reading this right, she is looking for you to leave not the other way around because she doesn't want to look like the bad guy. She's trying to escape by framing you as an insensitive jerk. 4. MC is the place to be, but be VERY choosy about who you use. You don't want a referee that will tell you which of you is right or wrong in every situation. That's a never ending game and in the end, neither of you grow from it. Find one that will teach you both some coping skills and find out what's at the root of her fear. To be fair, I don't know you and I haven't asked one question so my answers and advice may not be the best qualified. I've posted from face value of what you've said and what others have posted. But I think it's solid. If anybody disputes it, my ears are open. I hope this helps. Heres a bunny.
Author sierra60 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 well all, ive have tried to be done with this and just wait things out, unfortantly she still is standing here ground...she just says she needs to be alone. ...lol.. i dont know makes no sence to me but what can i do right. She told me " dont you expect to be happy in a relationship" i said " yeah but with all that it brings good or bad" she said" well im not happy" so i rather not do this forever. Im lost cuz to me its like "why did you get married" no one decides their not happy overnight or in 2months. So she just shuts down and says " i dont want to talk about this anymore my head hurts,from talking about it" Its hard to live with her, i have to sit on the couch and look at this girl that i was and still am crazy about and know that she wants me out, i dont think she realizes that im going to be around forever cuz of our kid who is almost 2 in july...this is terrible but i have no choice...now im sleeping in the basement...so guys we know what that means now no sex but im not real worried we used to be amazing with that she's got to come around..(yeah right) anyway im going to hang looks like leagaly i have to will take a solid year to be seperated.
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