Tommy G Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Me and my ex split up at the end of August but only I initiated NC 11 days ago. She split up with me and I spentthe time between aug and then (regrettably) trying to win her back. Since these 11 days, the only way I know how she is doing or what she is doing is by damn facebook. A lot of lads have been relentlessly posting on her wall, chatting her up basically. This is very hard for me to take after 18 months together. She seems really happy now but maybe that is just a front? It gets me down and upsets me everytime I see it. I am tempted today to delete her, block her and the same to our mutual contacts. This way she will have no idea what I am doing or wont give me the temptation to look at her profile and get hurt. as anyone gone ahead and done this? I fear that if I do, that wil be it for us forever. that was my last open line of contact on checking up on her (she still has my num and email address) Just right now I can't deal with it, anyone done this and regretted it? Or did it help them..? Many thanks Tom
Kaya Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I think we should make it a policy to keep facebook for friends only, no SO's and no relationship status. It seems to cause so many problems for people. You have a couple of options: 1. delete her for now, and when you're over the breakup, and if you still want to, you can add her back as a friend someday in the future 2. if you can control yourself enough to NOT look at her profile page, then you can leave her as a friend, but just set your account to never see her feeds. I would go for option 1 though. It's not making you happy to see what she is up to, and I think it's highly unlikely that you won't be tempted look at her profile from time to time. It's hard, but we all need to move on.
Author Tommy G Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I agree. I think I am going to delete and block her. What will her reaction to this be? I am not going to give her any reasons why I have done it. She should realise that it's painful for me to see her being chatted up by other guys. I don't know whether I will regret it, but at the min it's stopping me from moving on and being myself on facebook. She's trying to make me jealous perhaps, but after facebook goes I guess there is no way she can contact me apart from a phone. It's just horrible reading it..
ditched Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Speaking from experience, the best thing to do would be to delete her and not look at her page. For me, it was one of the biggest steps in getting on the road to healing. For the first few weeks after we broke up, i was constantly on her myspace page. Overanalyzing EVERY syllable of every Status update or comment left for her. One day, i made a decision to NOT look at it. Which sounds like a simple thing, but it wasn't. Its still not. I still think about looking at it every day. But i just keep telling myself "there is nothing on that page that can make me feel anything but worse". The few times that i slipped and went back to her page, i regretted it immediately. I mean, her page isn't set to private, so i can still look at it. but at least by defriending her, i can't see her silly posts and bulletins and surveys. but thats just me.
Author Tommy G Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Doesn't it worry anyone that it will be the last contact you have with them? At least having her facebook I know what she's doing and that she's ok. I loved her so much but hate her now it seems. It's heartbreaking knowing that other lads are persuing her when once she was all mine? it's like she is enjoying it. But how can she when after we wen't nc 11 days ago she was like ''I don't want a bf, I wont be with anyone else etc etc'' maybe me deleting her will make her realise she can't keep tabs on me anymore. But probably not and she'll carry on for a car crash with a rebound.. Depressing really
Thebob Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Because your broken up, now guys are goin for it, it's the way of life. I know it is hard man, just control yourself and don't look at her page. Thebob
northstar1 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Man, delete/block her. I made the mistake of keeping my ex on my list for months after we broke up. Yes, i removed seeing her news feed, but I still gave into temptation every so often and would be setback and hurt by seeing how much 'fun' she was having, or trying to be sherlock holmes with her photos to see what her life was like. It's nothing but painful and you never even know if what are you seeing is truth or not, so the mind will make up it's own truth and go from there Who cares what she thinks about if you remove her? If she's got a brain and any compassion, she'll realize you are doing it for yourself to heal. If she is insulted, then she's selfish. One day, down the road, when you are well over her (when the thought of her with another guy doesn't bother you), then maybe try back being friends. For now, there is nothing to gain by sticking around on FB with her.
aboynamedmike Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Yea man, you gotta delete her page. I broke up with my ex at the end of June and have deleted her/refriended her probably like 3 or 4 times already. Each time I thought I was able to see pictures of her with other guys and see posts made by "interested" guys, but I couldn't take it. She claims that she isn't over me, but has slept with one guy already, and is pursuing another. Whereas I haven't been interested in finding anyone else. It's a cruel thing sometimes, Facebook that is. Skype, AIM, all those things. There are so many ways one can "cheat" and find other people online. It's crazy
Author Tommy G Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Good advice - thanks all. Man, delete/block her. I made the mistake of keeping my ex on my list for months after we broke up. Yes, i removed seeing her news feed, but I still gave into temptation every so often and would be setback and hurt by seeing how much 'fun' she was having, or trying to be sherlock holmes with her photos to see what her life was like. It's nothing but painful and you never even know if what are you seeing is truth or not, so the mind will make up it's own truth and go from there Who cares what she thinks about if you remove her? If she's got a brain and any compassion, she'll realize you are doing it for yourself to heal. If she is insulted, then she's selfish. One day, down the road, when you are well over her (when the thought of her with another guy doesn't bother you), then maybe try back being friends. For now, there is nothing to gain by sticking around on FB with her. this is brilliant. I know for a fact she will probably wonder why I have deleted her, suddenly out the blue. But maybe if she looks at her stupid facebook wall she might realise the countless lads persuing her. How can she even be interested? Is she dead inside? I can't even contemplate on even thinking about dating. It's really hard and cruel but even if I never see her again, I wont be in the pain of going through her facebook profile on a daily basis trying to figure out if she is seeing anyone else. I sound like such a sad idiot/stalker. She probably frequents my page too, I haven't a clue. If she really wanted me back then she knows how to turn up at my door. I'm not fooling for any bredcrumbs BS B*TCHES aren't they
northstar1 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Good advice - thanks all. this is brilliant. I know for a fact she will probably wonder why I have deleted her, suddenly out the blue. But maybe if she looks at her stupid facebook wall she might realise the countless lads persuing her. How can she even be interested? Is she dead inside? I can't even contemplate on even thinking about dating. It's really hard and cruel but even if I never see her again, I wont be in the pain of going through her facebook profile on a daily basis trying to figure out if she is seeing anyone else. I sound like such a sad idiot/stalker. She probably frequents my page too, I haven't a clue. If she really wanted me back then she knows how to turn up at my door. I'm not fooling for any bredcrumbs BS B*TCHES aren't they See, you know what you need to do and what she is offering you (breadcrumbs), the rest is just sticking to it. Always remember that you deserve more than what you are being offered. And, it will get better man, trust me.
earner Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 You need to delete her ! I was in the same position as you for a few weeks after her and me broke up. I was constantly checking her page/status/photos and it would drive me mad seing her out partying/chatting with other guys. Also I was overanalysing every little comment/status update etc. I wasnt strong enough to stop myself looking and in the end I had to delete her to save my sanity.
twinklecat Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Delete her! Best thing I ever did, stopped me snooping for one, and I felt that he decided he didn't want me to be a part of his life anymore, he didn't deserve to be, as I'm a bit of a facebook addict so alot of my life is on there! It will make you feel much better, trust me
Devil Inside Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Delete/Block her. I know it hurts, but this is only making it worse. You will keep looking at her page if you have the means...it's like a car wreck. Don't worry about her reaction, or this being the only line of communication open...because if she wants to she will get a hold of you. Good luck brother...it will get better in time.
WTFO Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Delete/Block her. I know it hurts, but this is only making it worse. You will keep looking at her page if you have the means...it's like a car wreck. Don't worry about her reaction, or this being the only line of communication open...because if she wants to she will get a hold of you. Good luck brother...it will get better in time. I concur. Well, The stbx blocked me from her page when we got Separated in Apr 09' We have children together,so I still talk to her on the phone/Text. Anyway, I confronted her and her excuse was "I honestly didn't mean to take you off the friend list".. bla bla bla. So the next day, she requested me as a friend and still didn't except. She is in love with another man and I want to look at her page,now I can't,by my choice. So,listen to these people. I agree. Get rid of her. It will only make you more miserable. Plus, she THINKS you have moved on and could be good for your situation. Good luck.
adamt Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) remove her as a friend and then block her. it is hard to do but it does help. it stops your imagination running away with things. what you dont know cant harm. with xmas and newyear on the horizon it is a tough time for someone who has been dumped so youhave to help yourself as much as possible. Facebook is not real life, people make it sound they are busy with an exciting life. you get all this bollock like cyber flirting. if people are having such as exciting life then they wont be posting on facebook. Edited November 28, 2009 by adamt
SushiOji Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 After I deleted her she asked was pissed and asked why I couldn't just hide her, which makes me think that she thought it's ok for me to not see what she's up to but it's ok for her to keep tabs on my life. The nerve.
JaggedRoad Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Networking sites are the bane of humanity!
dazzle22 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 First of all, it is always harder to be the dumped and not the dumper. It leaves you wondering and second guessing yourself unnecessarily. I think that one thing that helped me was something I found reading relationships books. It said, most of the time, people break up with you because of their own issues, having to do with what is called their "love map". What someone grows up with is what they seek. Perhaps you just didn't fit that map. And it is not always the good things that people seek! Men all know women who go for bad boys! Why? Not because they are not great catches, but because she may be trying to subconsciously replicate some issue from her home life! Sounds like she is not looking for another BF but is enjoying the attention from "playing the field". Why is it, that it is always the nice guys like you who get thrashed by some mean girl, and then are ruined for the next relationship when a good woman comes along?! Life is strange! DELETE HER.
Author Tommy G Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Just an update. I deleted her on saturday, it was tough but I did it. I felt really low afterwards as now I have no line of communication to see if she is ok/see pictures of her etc. But I know that I could not carry on viewing it because it hurt. I think got this txt yesterday after 14 days of NC. It read.. ''Hi, Im pretty shocked that you have deleted me off facebook, thats a very final thing. So I just want to say hankyou for what we had and for everything you've done.I really did enjoy our relationship and I loved you more than anythingin the world. We had some really good times so thanks for them. If you genuinly dont want that bag of stuff, i will seriously throw it away. It's not my stuff to deal with. I have all the stuff like that too to deal with. I would have thought you would like to keep the memories, maybe not. I really am proud of you for doing so well with work so well done. take care of yoursel and i hope your bro goes to uni after all. Thank your mum and dad for always makingme feel welcome, they're lovely. So please take care Tom, I'm sure I'll see you around at some point'' I didn't reply to it before anyone says. I cried for about 2 hours like a baby, it may have been the shock of getting such a txt. I refuse to break NC as I've done two weeks of it so far. If she wanted me back then I guess she would do more than txt like that? It's like I'm made to feel guilty for deleting her. If anyone has any insight on this then I would appreciate it. I guess she expects a txt back? She wont be getting one. If she was completely over me then i guess she would have ignored the fact I had deleted her (she still must check my page, or try to) and not bothered sending me a massive long txt. Confused.com Thanks, Tom
DenverBachelor Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 ''Hi, Im pretty shocked that you have deleted me off facebook, thats a very final thing. So I just want to say hankyou for what we had and for everything you've done.I really did enjoy our relationship and I loved you more than anythingin the world. We had some really good times so thanks for them. If you genuinly dont want that bag of stuff, i will seriously throw it away. It's not my stuff to deal with. I have all the stuff like that too to deal with. I would have thought you would like to keep the memories, maybe not. I really am proud of you for doing so well with work so well done. take care of yoursel and i hope your bro goes to uni after all. Thank your mum and dad for always makingme feel welcome, they're lovely. So please take care Tom, I'm sure I'll see you around at some point'' Dear Ex, Hi. If you were shocked when I deleted you from my facebook, imagine how shocked I was when you deleted me from the relationship. You made this choice and not me. So please take all those kind words and save them for your next relationship because apparently you have a limited supply. Ps: You won't see me around at some point. That was your call.
Author Tommy G Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 That did make me laugh, brilliant! A tad harsh after all those kind words..but she was a tad harsh in letting me go. I believe I was a decent lad, never cheated loved her with all my heart. It's true that all the good guys loose out in the end isn't it..
SushiOji Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I can't believe the effect deleting them from Facebook has. It's like that is the big shocker not her trampling your heart and throwing you to the curb.
countingstarsagain Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm astonished at how much your situation is like my very own. My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. He started treating me bad and forced me to break up with him. He was seeing someone else less than 2 weeks later (we were together 3.5 years). I think he was treating me bad so I would break up with him so he could pursue this other girl. Anyway, my ex and his new girlfriend both have myspace. Their status updates and comments to each other were wrecking my world. I deleted him. I also deleted him from facebook (something his new girlfriend doesn't have). He got angry. I told him I couldn't bear to see his status updates and deleting him was something I had to do for myself. On his facebook, there is practically nothing there. He barely uses it and only got it in the first place because I got one. He continually tries to add me on there, and I know it's only because he still wants to know what I'm up to. I refuse to give in. We've been NC for 11 days, minus him telling me happy thanksgiving via text message. I still get the urge to look at his and his girlfriends pages, but I've realized that it will only restart the pain that I have already started to conquer. Don't feel bad about deleting her. You need to heal and having an insight into her life via social networking will only bring you down. If she ever gets the desire to contact you, she will. Trust in that. Good luck! You can get through this Stay strong.
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