whoa... how did this happen?

[BrettEARoboch]

hey everyone. feeling pretty weak and i'm in need of some direction. i met this girl who was insanely in love with me the moment she saw me. i remember thinking ( and this was a couple years back) that she was fairly attractive. i had gone through a messy breakup that year and was still adapting to what had happened, i ended up hanging out with this girl and after having one fun night i though maybe i could date her. she was clingy and i couldn't handle it. i broke it off and felt i had done a really good job of it. she later told me that it was one of the worst things that had happened to her romatically. later that year when i would see her i got used to the fact that she wasn't friendly towards me and that she was still hurt by what i had done at the time. but its a few months later and i had mentioned to her that i wanted to start a band with her we did and our band did really well and we went on tour and did some festivals last summer, point being we got really close through that as friends and became intimate eventually. i really thought that this is exactly what i wanted.. no commitment and were both okay with this relationship, but when she became attracted to a good friend of mine i became jelouse something sort of emotionally primal. i told her i was uncomfortable and she told me that i knew how she felt about me and she stayed in bed with me that night( this was just this last summer) we went on some trips to lakes and got really close, i started thinking that i was in love with her and what used to make me turned off about her, those things became okay with me. i confided this to her at the end of our second trip shortly after we started dating. but something wasn't right from the beginning i felt insecure all of the time and i remember thinking what the hell am i doing, you just wen't through this and learned alot and you were okay so whats going on? anyways my insecurites have debilitated me from getting to move forward with this relationship. i have tried to end it 3 TIMES IN 4 MONTHS and each time i get more insecure than i was before, i'm mentally exhausted and i feel so foolish, i have convinced myself that i am in love with this girl but i know that i can't actually be if i feel this way, the worst part is, is that i can see myself through a lens acting the way i do but i keep doing it. i know i can't force her to communicate so i don't but its almost daily now that we discuss this mess of a situation. she is so distant and i know it was me. she doesn't see me like she used too. i also want to mention(as this is not inteded to be a short post) she has had very bad experiences with people and she is not ready to trust anyone... i knew that when i started this relationship. it gets worse everyday and no matter how much space i take from her or ever give her it doesn't fix anything about the way i feel. and the way i feel is ****ty and its based on absolutly nothing but the insecurities that i've had from the start.

someone please help me come to terms with this. i would really appreciate your inputs. thanks.