heysenberg Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I'm a man and I get attached to many of the girls that I sleep with. The thing is that I believe they get scared when they realize it... I usually try to pretend that I don't care much for as long as I can.... Does anyone else have this same problem?
Taucher Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Hello, I dont have this problem. The opposite actually: I am 30 and have been in love once. I met my ex at 23 and immediately I was entranced with her. I worry about this because...what next? I should have been seriously attracted to more girls by now surely? My question is: if you fall in love easily does that mean you will potentially be hurt more often? But will you also be able to recover quicker as you find it easier to find someone else? I am interested. Sorry i hi jacked this thread! T
lilbelle Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 No. Love doesn't come easy for me either. If I give my heart it's for a good reason. You need to be more cautious. I have loved 3 men in my life. The 3rd one is why I am here and I fell in love with him at first sight and that is no bs. I know what I want, what I need to do to keep it, and I plan on doing just that. He is not someone I will let go of easily and would travel to the heavens to be with him. When you find that you know you have someone special. Love is more than physical, it hurts, if you haven't hurt than your love is unappreciative. This much I have learned. If the physical bond is triggering these... emotions of love... then I suggest you go slow and stop the physical contact and get to know that person before hand. Then your mind is clear about them. Try it and see if your heart still pulls for them, if you would take a bullet for them, if you love even their imperfections. When that happens you know it is real. What you have my friend is lust, not true love
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Depending on how you look at it, could be more of a blessing than a curse!
GrayClouds Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I'm a man and I get attached to many of the girls that I sleep with. The thing is that I believe they get scared when they realize it... I usually try to pretend that I don't care much for as long as I can.... Does anyone else have this same problem? Here is an old fashion thought get attached to them before you sleep with them. Otherwords spend more time getting to know each women and let them get to know you. That gives you time to see if they appreciate strong attachment or not.
Thebob Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Here is an old fashion thought get attached to them before you sleep with them. Otherwords spend more time getting to know each women and let them get to know you. That gives you time to see if they appreciate strong attachment or not. I tried this, and I didn't sleep with this girl for 3 weeks. We saw each other every day, went out on multiple dates, partied together but I wouldn't go farther than that. Then eventually I felt we had a very strong connection but boy was I wrong. I break up with her due to her lack of maturity and her sluttiness and she has a brand new boyfriend 2 months later. I don't get it and never will. Time to move on for me! Thebob
Toki Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Have to learn how to identify your emotions, if you can't name ten things off the top of your head as to why you think you "love" this person, then you're just lusting. Nothing wrong with it, but I think a lot of guys confuse the two and then end up in a situation they're not sure how to get out of without feeling they've betrayed a part of themselves.
Author heysenberg Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 My question is: if you fall in love easily does that mean you will potentially be hurt more often? But will you also be able to recover quicker as you find it easier to find someone else? T That's exactly the point! I get hurt more often, but also I'm able to recover faster I guess. And again, it's not that I "love" often, but I feel "in love" often, which are quite different feelings IMO. "Love" is rare to me, but being "in love" is quite often... It's not such a big deal actually, but I wanted to see other people's opinions on this
GrayClouds Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 That's exactly the point! I get hurt more often, but also I'm able to recover faster I guess. And again, it's not that I "love" often, but I feel "in love" often, which are quite different feelings IMO. "Love" is rare to me, but being "in love" is quite often... It's not such a big deal actually, but I wanted to see other people's opinions on this It is not my intent to disparage, just want to offer a possible proposition to the discussion. Maybe there is a lack differentiating between love, lust and, simple lack of loneliness. If someone can easily fall in and out out love, it my suggest that the actual bonds of those feeling may not be as deep to illustrate the delineation of "love". Though you may feel like it is love, these attachment may lack the mutual experiential gratuitous of emotional involvement. This absents of a corporeal complexity of interdependency signals a neediness rather then affection. If your attaching to quickly it may be less that "they get scared" but rather too they see it for what it is to the dependency of love without the real authenticity of love. While now you state it is not big deal, you also stated earlier that it is concern and you see it as a "problem". While it is not getting in your way of getting laid, nor interference with finding new relationships now, it may be establishing a pattern. One that allows you to settle for less then real love in the future or an attraction to emotionally unavailable women, some who is commitment phobic. If your "usually try to pretend that I don't care much for as long as I can" you not presenting your authentic self. So your not being truthful in the beginning of a relationship, which is destructive for the log term success off it. And if someone does fall for you, is it you or the you your pretending to be. Just some food for thought.
Brightmoon Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) It is not my intent to disparage, just want to offer a possible proposition to the discussion. Maybe there is a lack differentiating between love, lust and, simple lack of loneliness. If someone can easily fall in and out out love, it my suggest that the actual bonds of those feeling may not be as deep to illustrate the delineation of "love". Though you may feel like it is love, these attachment may lack the mutual experiential gratuitous of emotional involvement. This absents of a corporeal complexity of interdependency signals a neediness rather then affection. If your attaching to quickly it may be less that "they get scared" but rather too they see it for what it is to the dependency of love without the real authenticity of love. While now you state it is not big deal, you also stated earlier that it is concern and you see it as a "problem". While it is not getting in your way of getting laid, nor interference with finding new relationships now, it may be establishing a pattern. One that allows you to settle for less then real love in the future or an attraction to emotionally unavailable women, some who is commitment phobic. If your "usually try to pretend that I don't care much for as long as I can" you not presenting your authentic self. So your not being truthful in the beginning of a relationship, which is destructive for the log term success off it. And if someone does fall for you, is it you or the you your pretending to be. Just some food for thought. Wow Grey Clouds... that neediness you describe hits home with me. That is me! I feel very sad cos I may have pushed away someone very dear to me with my neediness. .... I fall head over heels for unavailable men. Emotionally unavailable or just unavailable. So much heartache, and it reinforces my belief that I am unloveable. A default setting. Thanks for those thoughts GC... I realise I have got to get at the bottom of my neediness..and some how change that default setting. Oh, and Good luck OP... Edited November 28, 2009 by Brightmoon
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