vogen Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 My story is basically i lived with a girl for a year and a half in a very serious relationship. I became insecure due to the way that I felt about her, so I began to be controlling. I now understand the root of my problems, and how I was wrong. Had I known that it was reaching this point, I would have changed. Had she told me what was going on instead of leaving THEN telling me what happened.. That would have been nice. I went and told her everything that I figured out and that I apologize for my controlling nature and that I will change it. She basically said that she wants time for herself and wants to become independent and learn who she really is. At that time we will become friends and begin dating again from there but she is not moving back in. She specifically said that she is interested in no one else and that she doesn't want to date anyone else, that she is doing this for us. She said that she will give me another chance, and we just have to focus on ourselves for the time being. She says she would like to text and call eachother still, but she would like to keep it kinda friendly so we can begin the rebuilding process. She said she still loves me, and all I have to do is stay strong and look forward to the day we will get back together. So I look at this and say... well... either it will work or it won't... The balls in her court. Either she is being legit, or she isn't. But I have no honest way of knowing this. I am supposed to have this hope, yet I feel like I have none. I feel like time has stopped to exist. I just walk around, and find random crap to do because I can't seem to get my mind off of her. We lived together for a year and a half and then all of a sudden her stuff disappears out of the house and I am left by myself with all the bills. I feel like no one could possibly understand how this feels. There are days that I cry almost all day, while there are others where i will be fine for an hour or so, then cry in hourly spurts. I have days that I am fine all day, then I come home and see how empty it is and plop on my bed and sob. As pathetic as this may sound, It is what I am going through. I feel like I have no hope, that a part of me died. I spent so much time with her and she was really the only person I had. So now I feel so lonely, I have no energy or willpower to do anything. I want to tell her how I feel but she wants her space. I feel like it never will get better. Everyday it seems like it gets a little bit worse. trying to imagine the rest of my life alone and without her is excruciating. I get nervous for no reason at all. I will pace around my room like I am waiting for something but I am not. Its like I feel like I am having a panic attack. I will be on the phone with someone while they listen to me talk about how I feel.. And I am afraid to get off the phone because it is so nice to have someone listen. After I get off the phone with them I come back inside the apartment and realize there is nothing to do and I either call or someone else or cry some more. I am not able to eat except like literally 2 bites of food a day, I can't sleep but like in 2 hour intervals.. IF I am lucky enough to get back to sleep at all... I am just wondering if all these reactions are normal and if I am supposed to feel this way. She told me to go out and have fun and enjoy myself because we are trying to become independent people so our relationship will be more successful this way. When we first dated we immediately moved in together and never really dated or anything. So am I supposed to feel this way? Will it get better even thought it feels like it won't? Are there ways to muster the energy to do things? Will I get my appetite and sleep back? Thank you for your time.
mmk1 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Break is short for breakup, so the reality is your relationship has died but fortunately you have not. At this point, you cannot continue to keep your happiness dependant on her. You need to learn to make yourself happy and work on yourself as if she is never coming back to you, because unfortuantely it is unlikely that she will. Learn to focus on yourself, do not contact her and let her come back to you. You will be fine either way!
McGrupp Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 it is completely normal what you are going through. read (someone link for this guy) the guide to 2nd chances. also, "the journey from abandonment to healing" - its a book. but everything your going through is normal. the anxiety, the not eaing the craziness and the fear and the sadness. life goes on. but it will hurt. and dont contact her as you will only make it worst
Bulldozed Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I'm actually envious of you. You've found LS, before you self sabotaged your relationship with your ex. Not sure if discovering LS earlier would have salvaged mine, but there are some "key" things you need to do. First off - do NOT contact her AT ALL! If she messages you (phone, email or text) do NOT respond right away. Your instinct will want to take over and immediately respond back...DO NOT DO THIS. Wait at least 2 days. Remember these words: He/She who cares least about the relationship, controls the relationship. Remember the push/pull theory. If she attempts to "pull" you in, be courteous, short and respectful...but above all else, keep it short....do not over indulge in conversation. "I'd love to chat, but I'm going out tonight with my boy's.....I'll catch up with you later...." Also - read the following MULTIPLE TIMES!! The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
GrayClouds Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 it is completely normal what you are going through. read (someone link for this guy) the guide to 2nd chances. also, "the journey from abandonment to healing" - its a book. Here is the link to read: So you want a second chance? Trust what McGrupp has to say he has been on the frontline for some time.
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