my story being the ow...

[justageek]

I fell for the mm.. (only seeing him for a 3 month period)

We met online.. met up for a chat and slowly and very unintentionally fell in love with each other.

 

I got the ‘I married her because she was pregnant’.

His is an 11 year marriage spent with him being in the army for all but the past 3 years, he has a job that means his away virtually all weekdays.

 

He told me she was a sufferer of depression she had tried to kill herself in the pats and he stayed because the routine and she needed him but he never felt ‘in love’ with her although he loved her and cared for her.

 

He said with me he felt alive and happy and how love should be. He didn’t do the things with her he had with me.. the cuddles.. talking about anything and everything. He said I made him feel alive, happy and a reason to go on. he loved me and wanted to leave her and be with me.

 

The guilt eat me up.. I would never wish that on anyone. I told him I couldn’t do it no more countless times. He begged me not to end it.

 

I let this guy into my home, he met my children and it felt good. We felt like a couple making love . we didn’t always have sex. We just lay cuddled up talking till we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

But in my heart I knew I was getting the crumbs, if he loved me like he said, he wouldn’t do this knowing id cry myself to sleep over the guilt.. I was the one sat lonely at the weekends knowing he was with her. he said he was sleeping on the sofa and I genuinely believe him as he would ring in the night.

 

We spent hours on the phone every day and he sent me notes saying he loved me.

He went out in public with me. Sent me love notes on face book. Where people could see. He said in a way he wanted to get found out so he could be with me. even when he was with me all night they never rang each other at all..

 

Anyways I decided in my head that this was all wrong and not fair on anyone. I tried to not ask questions about his wife. I knew it would hurt me to think of her as human being like me with feelings.. she didn’t deserve this and I was selfish to continue the lie.

he confessed that she had just been in hospital for a small op. that was it for me.. I told him to go be with her. She needed his support. But he refused to let me go.. begging and said he would go tell her there and then because he didn’t want to lose his chance at happiness with me and that he loved me so much. he said we found each other by chance and it was destiny to be together.

Knowing her condition I said he could have 2 weeks to end it either way. He couldn’t put it on her right then, it wouldn’t be right.

 

We talked and talked and I just felt dead with the pain and guilt. We were both getting ill over it all. The following weekend after her op and a 3 hour call with me wanting the lies over. He walked in and she questioned where he had been. He told her he didn’t want to come home as he didn’t love her and hated going home.

The following day he admitted to seeing someone else. But didn’t tell her we had been sleeping together.

 

To me it was such a relief that it was out there in the open. He told me to be strong and all he could think about was me.

The following day I got a message saying he couldn’t go through with it. He had been to the doctors and diagnosed as depressed and his mother broke down and begged him not to do it cause it would make her ill. His wife begged him to work through it and sort it out(he has 2 children one is not his aged 15 and 8). He said he just had to go along with it because he feared them hating him, he didn’t have the strength anymore.

 

I told him he was gutless and living a lie. The issues were always going to be there.

Breaking up was never going to be easy, it hurts like mad. He was kidding himself and cheating her. He would go off again and try to seek that feeling that was missing with someone else. I know he has cheated on her before.

I wanted to hate him, I wanted to call him all the names under the sun. I love him. I love him in my heart. Despite my tears and pain. I wished him well. Pick yourself up I said.. your under a lot of stress and don’t ever do this again to anyone. Follow your heart. But if you cant do it, I accept it make things right with your wife. I told him I hope it eats him up forever but I felt relieved I could breathe again and try and forgive myself.

 

Later that day after I had driven home crying all the way, she rang me. She had got his phone bill and called. She was crying and asked if we had slept together. I lied and said no.. I felt that if I lied maybe they had a chance.. I had lost mine but maybe something positive could come out. She said she never blamed me. He was the married one. She had been a good wife and was not a bad person and he was ripping the family apart. She asked if he ended it. I said it was a mutual agreement. The guilt was just too much for me and I gave him deadlines.i said he had promised not to do it again. The conversation was a blurr. I was emotionally dead and numb at the time.. I still cant remember what was said.. but she thanked me for being honest.. I went in after and cried and cried.. honest?? I hadn’t admitted to sleeping with him, I was continuing the lie. He text me later that day saying he expected me to throw this back in his face..but how he never said thankyou.

 

Its been 3 days since this all happened i havent heard from him since.

Ive cried me a river. Confided in a friend for the first time. I felt such a scumbag for doing this in the first place..my heart has been ripped out. Ive been very alone living this guilt for the past 3 months, . I haven’t eaten for over a week and feel I don’t deserve to be alive. Im trying to be strong. Because my children cant know. I don’t want them to find out I knew this guy was married. I try to install good morals in them, despite my lack of them. I cant be sad in front of them. My heart is broken and I know ill be judged for this. I cant bring myself to hate him.. I don’t know whos more pathetic. Him for being a gutless lying coward. . Or me for allowing myself to get everyone in this situation. I have to live with this but my heart yearns for him. I will not contact him.

 

im trying hard to get over this. it helps to read others going through the same thing.. my heart goes out to you all.. i know we shouldnt get in these situations but we are only human and no ones perfect.

 

i find myself wondering if any thing he told me was true??

if you love someone, nothing would stop you from being with them?

how could he look me in the eye and lie. im left behind like a mug.. i question why i allowed myself to get here in the first place??

 

all power to his wife for trying to work it out with him.. maybe i had a lucky escape? i just wish i didnt miss him so.

[RedDevil66]

hug, I am sorry for your pain. But what happened is you fell into the typical trap of a guy who needed to feel needed and told you anything to feel that way.

 

Didn't mean he didnt love you, it meant that he realized he was doing wrong.

 

I would suggest you not focus on the "why's" and try to stay focused on asking yourself why you needed/wanted crumbs.

 

The chances of being of a "forever" with a married guy are less likely than winning the lottery.

 

These men are broken and look for women who are broken enough to accept their nonsence.

 

You'll be ok, It's only been a few days. Stay focused and cry until it feels better and it will get better.

[fooled once]

I fell for the mm.. (only seeing him for a 3 month period)

We met online.. met up for a chat and slowly and very unintentionally fell in love with each other.

 

I got the ‘I married her because she was pregnant’.

His is an 11 year marriage spent with him being in the army for all but the past 3 years, he has a job that means his away virtually all weekdays.

 

He told me she was a sufferer of depression she had tried to kill herself in the pats and he stayed because the routine and she needed him but he never felt ‘in love’ with her although he loved her and cared for her.

 

He said with me he felt alive and happy and how love should be. He didn’t do the things with her he had with me.. the cuddles.. talking about anything and everything. He said I made him feel alive, happy and a reason to go on. he loved me and wanted to leave her and be with me.

 

The guilt eat me up.. I would never wish that on anyone. I told him I couldn’t do it no more countless times. He begged me not to end it.

 

I let this guy into my home, he met my children and it felt good. We felt like a couple making love . we didn’t always have sex. We just lay cuddled up talking till we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

But in my heart I knew I was getting the crumbs, if he loved me like he said, he wouldn’t do this knowing id cry myself to sleep over the guilt.. I was the one sat lonely at the weekends knowing he was with her. he said he was sleeping on the sofa and I genuinely believe him as he would ring in the night.

 

We spent hours on the phone every day and he sent me notes saying he loved me.

He went out in public with me. Sent me love notes on face book. Where people could see. He said in a way he wanted to get found out so he could be with me. even when he was with me all night they never rang each other at all..

 

Anyways I decided in my head that this was all wrong and not fair on anyone. I tried to not ask questions about his wife. I knew it would hurt me to think of her as human being like me with feelings.. she didn’t deserve this and I was selfish to continue the lie.

he confessed that she had just been in hospital for a small op. that was it for me.. I told him to go be with her. She needed his support. But he refused to let me go.. begging and said he would go tell her there and then because he didn’t want to lose his chance at happiness with me and that he loved me so much. he said we found each other by chance and it was destiny to be together.

Knowing her condition I said he could have 2 weeks to end it either way. He couldn’t put it on her right then, it wouldn’t be right.

 

We talked and talked and I just felt dead with the pain and guilt. We were both getting ill over it all. The following weekend after her op and a 3 hour call with me wanting the lies over. He walked in and she questioned where he had been. He told her he didn’t want to come home as he didn’t love her and hated going home.

The following day he admitted to seeing someone else. But didn’t tell her we had been sleeping together.

 

To me it was such a relief that it was out there in the open. He told me to be strong and all he could think about was me.

The following day I got a message saying he couldn’t go through with it. He had been to the doctors and diagnosed as depressed and his mother broke down and begged him not to do it cause it would make her ill. His wife begged him to work through it and sort it out(he has 2 children one is not his aged 15 and 8). He said he just had to go along with it because he feared them hating him, he didn’t have the strength anymore.

 

I told him he was gutless and living a lie. The issues were always going to be there.

Breaking up was never going to be easy, it hurts like mad. He was kidding himself and cheating her. He would go off again and try to seek that feeling that was missing with someone else. I know he has cheated on her before.

I wanted to hate him, I wanted to call him all the names under the sun. I love him. I love him in my heart. Despite my tears and pain. I wished him well. Pick yourself up I said.. your under a lot of stress and don’t ever do this again to anyone. Follow your heart. But if you cant do it, I accept it make things right with your wife. I told him I hope it eats him up forever but I felt relieved I could breathe again and try and forgive myself.

 

Later that day after I had driven home crying all the way, she rang me. She had got his phone bill and called. She was crying and asked if we had slept together. I lied and said no.. I felt that if I lied maybe they had a chance.. I had lost mine but maybe something positive could come out. She said she never blamed me. He was the married one. She had been a good wife and was not a bad person and he was ripping the family apart. She asked if he ended it. I said it was a mutual agreement. The guilt was just too much for me and I gave him deadlines.i said he had promised not to do it again. The conversation was a blurr. I was emotionally dead and numb at the time.. I still cant remember what was said.. but she thanked me for being honest.. I went in after and cried and cried.. honest?? I hadn’t admitted to sleeping with him, I was continuing the lie. He text me later that day saying he expected me to throw this back in his face..but how he never said thankyou.

 

Its been 3 days since this all happened i havent heard from him since.

Ive cried me a river. Confided in a friend for the first time. I felt such a scumbag for doing this in the first place..my heart has been ripped out. Ive been very alone living this guilt for the past 3 months, . I haven’t eaten for over a week and feel I don’t deserve to be alive. Im trying to be strong. Because my children cant know. I don’t want them to find out I knew this guy was married. I try to install good morals in them, despite my lack of them. I cant be sad in front of them. My heart is broken and I know ill be judged for this. I cant bring myself to hate him.. I don’t know whos more pathetic. Him for being a gutless lying coward. . Or me for allowing myself to get everyone in this situation. I have to live with this but my heart yearns for him. I will not contact him.

 

im trying hard to get over this. it helps to read others going through the same thing.. my heart goes out to you all.. i know we shouldnt get in these situations but we are only human and no ones perfect.

 

i find myself wondering if any thing he told me was true??

if you love someone, nothing would stop you from being with them?

how could he look me in the eye and lie. im left behind like a mug.. i question why i allowed myself to get here in the first place??

 

all power to his wife for trying to work it out with him.. maybe i had a lucky escape? i just wish i didnt miss him so.

 

Not to be insensitive, but look how hurt you are after 3 months -- she has been with him a minimum of 11 years. 11 years of memories, plans for the future, etc. Look at how bad her world has been rocked. Maybe that can help you put it into perspective. Maybe that will help you to realize that this is something that could have been worse. YOU could have been in her shoes and had her world rocked.

 

You said he cheated before.... what a scum bag. What a jerk. I wonder if she knows about that? I hope she can either work with him to fix the marriage or work on her enough to leave the lying piece of crap.

 

Be glad you only wasted 3 months on him. Be glad you didn't get in deeper, didn't plan a full blown future with him, don't have years of memories, etc.

 

I know you are hurting, but you will get through it. You lived before him, you will live after him. Try to figure out why you allowed yourself to get involved with him to begin with. I am not condemning you; I am sure he fed you all types of lies to get you involved with him. But there is something lacking in you, something vulnerable in you that put you into a mess with him.

 

Time will heal the pain. Time will heal the heart. How old are your kids? Did they know he was sleeping over?

 

I hope as the days and weeks go by you begin to heal and move on. I would cut off all contact with him. To continue to allow him access to you is only going to continue to hurt you.

 

Good luck!

[hopeless4u]

I fell for the mm.. (only seeing him for a 3 month period)

We met online.. met up for a chat and slowly and very unintentionally fell in love with each other.

 

I got the ‘I married her because she was pregnant’.

His is an 11 year marriage spent with him being in the army for all but the past 3 years, he has a job that means his away virtually all weekdays.

 

He told me she was a sufferer of depression she had tried to kill herself in the pats and he stayed because the routine and she needed him but he never felt ‘in love’ with her although he loved her and cared for her.

 

He said with me he felt alive and happy and how love should be. He didn’t do the things with her he had with me.. the cuddles.. talking about anything and everything. He said I made him feel alive, happy and a reason to go on. he loved me and wanted to leave her and be with me.

 

The guilt eat me up.. I would never wish that on anyone. I told him I couldn’t do it no more countless times. He begged me not to end it.

 

I let this guy into my home, he met my children and it felt good. We felt like a couple making love . we didn’t always have sex. We just lay cuddled up talking till we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

But in my heart I knew I was getting the crumbs, if he loved me like he said, he wouldn’t do this knowing id cry myself to sleep over the guilt.. I was the one sat lonely at the weekends knowing he was with her. he said he was sleeping on the sofa and I genuinely believe him as he would ring in the night.

 

We spent hours on the phone every day and he sent me notes saying he loved me.

He went out in public with me. Sent me love notes on face book. Where people could see. He said in a way he wanted to get found out so he could be with me. even when he was with me all night they never rang each other at all..

 

Anyways I decided in my head that this was all wrong and not fair on anyone. I tried to not ask questions about his wife. I knew it would hurt me to think of her as human being like me with feelings.. she didn’t deserve this and I was selfish to continue the lie.

he confessed that she had just been in hospital for a small op. that was it for me.. I told him to go be with her. She needed his support. But he refused to let me go.. begging and said he would go tell her there and then because he didn’t want to lose his chance at happiness with me and that he loved me so much. he said we found each other by chance and it was destiny to be together.

Knowing her condition I said he could have 2 weeks to end it either way. He couldn’t put it on her right then, it wouldn’t be right.

 

We talked and talked and I just felt dead with the pain and guilt. We were both getting ill over it all. The following weekend after her op and a 3 hour call with me wanting the lies over. He walked in and she questioned where he had been. He told her he didn’t want to come home as he didn’t love her and hated going home.

The following day he admitted to seeing someone else. But didn’t tell her we had been sleeping together.

 

To me it was such a relief that it was out there in the open. He told me to be strong and all he could think about was me.

The following day I got a message saying he couldn’t go through with it. He had been to the doctors and diagnosed as depressed and his mother broke down and begged him not to do it cause it would make her ill. His wife begged him to work through it and sort it out(he has 2 children one is not his aged 15 and 8). He said he just had to go along with it because he feared them hating him, he didn’t have the strength anymore.

 

I told him he was gutless and living a lie. The issues were always going to be there.

Breaking up was never going to be easy, it hurts like mad. He was kidding himself and cheating her. He would go off again and try to seek that feeling that was missing with someone else. I know he has cheated on her before.

I wanted to hate him, I wanted to call him all the names under the sun. I love him. I love him in my heart. Despite my tears and pain. I wished him well. Pick yourself up I said.. your under a lot of stress and don’t ever do this again to anyone. Follow your heart. But if you cant do it, I accept it make things right with your wife. I told him I hope it eats him up forever but I felt relieved I could breathe again and try and forgive myself.

 

Later that day after I had driven home crying all the way, she rang me. She had got his phone bill and called. She was crying and asked if we had slept together. I lied and said no.. I felt that if I lied maybe they had a chance.. I had lost mine but maybe something positive could come out. She said she never blamed me. He was the married one. She had been a good wife and was not a bad person and he was ripping the family apart. She asked if he ended it. I said it was a mutual agreement. The guilt was just too much for me and I gave him deadlines.i said he had promised not to do it again. The conversation was a blurr. I was emotionally dead and numb at the time.. I still cant remember what was said.. but she thanked me for being honest.. I went in after and cried and cried.. honest?? I hadn’t admitted to sleeping with him, I was continuing the lie. He text me later that day saying he expected me to throw this back in his face..but how he never said thankyou.

 

Its been 3 days since this all happened i havent heard from him since.

Ive cried me a river. Confided in a friend for the first time. I felt such a scumbag for doing this in the first place..my heart has been ripped out. Ive been very alone living this guilt for the past 3 months, . I haven’t eaten for over a week and feel I don’t deserve to be alive. Im trying to be strong. Because my children cant know. I don’t want them to find out I knew this guy was married. I try to install good morals in them, despite my lack of them. I cant be sad in front of them. My heart is broken and I know ill be judged for this. I cant bring myself to hate him.. I don’t know whos more pathetic. Him for being a gutless lying coward. . Or me for allowing myself to get everyone in this situation. I have to live with this but my heart yearns for him. I will not contact him.

 

im trying hard to get over this. it helps to read others going through the same thing.. my heart goes out to you all.. i know we shouldnt get in these situations but we are only human and no ones perfect.

 

i find myself wondering if any thing he told me was true??

if you love someone, nothing would stop you from being with them?

how could he look me in the eye and lie. im left behind like a mug.. i question why i allowed myself to get here in the first place??

 

all power to his wife for trying to work it out with him.. maybe i had a lucky escape? i just wish i didnt miss him so.

 

 

Oh how this sounds familiar!! I have been with my MM for 2 years, ended it last week when I found out he was still being intimate with his W!

 

Just like you he was happy for me to believe they were only together because he couldn't leave, she loved him, he would let so many people down if their M didn't work.

I believed and still do that he loves me but he loves his life more, i'm not sure if thats his W or his lifestyle but either way he will never choose to be with me.

He will do things for me so long as it fits in with his timetable(mon-fri)

if he turns up at weekends its because it fits in with what he wants, if he stays over its because it suits him. He is decorating my kitchen at the moment but again its mon-fri when it suits him an i dont mean to sound ungreatful because I'm not, he works his arse off for me but again, when it suits him. I still spend every night alone, he txt's me at night, when it suits him (W is usually in bed) he rings me when he's away on business when it suits him (again W has usually gone to bed) get the pattern here, its all about when it suits him. Its taken me so long to realise that I have organised my life around what suits him!

Anyway I think the point I wanted to make before I went off on a major rant was at least your MM told his W, mine still hasn't and I don't think he ever will.

[justageek]

thanks for your replies..

 

ive been reading other posts and feel so much better. why do we allow ourselves to be treated this way?

 

before he came along i had such a good routine going. i was dedicated to my gym/ weight training. i do alot of fighting MMA plus boxing. im doing a degree at uni.. ive been happily single for 2 years prior to him. my family are there for me and i have a great circle of friends. i cant understand how i fell for this married guy.. i put my life on hold for him and he allowed me to do this. did he ever do the same for me? well he fitted me in his life weekdays i guess. drove 100 miles most nights to see me. but in the whole.. no he didnt!

im thankfull it was only 3 months.

 

im going to pick myself up and get back on form. i had a moment of weekness with him. i know ill come out stronger for it.

 

i think anyone in this situation should run for the hills.

we deserve someone that will give us their whole heart and nothing less. we are not bad people, we just got misguided for a bit.

 

i send hugs to you all x x x

[justageek]

today has been real bad for me. in a way i wish he would call or text me so i could have the satisfaction of ignoring it.

 

i feel so empty. i think because we spoke everyday for hours and had our lil text things we do for the past 3 months, im out the routine. i miss him soo bad.

 

i went to the gym and im trying so hard but inside i just want to break down. im not coping too well. i feel so ill. i had bad chest pains in the gym and thought i was going to pass out. i know im damaging myself. i just cant bring myself to eat. i look a mess. my hands look wrinkled my eyes look sunken.. grrrrrrr. i havent eaten a single thing in a week and was just about eating the week before.

 

i searched his name in google and found he has myspace. he hasnt been active on it for a year. but his last post was ' im glad i have a new mate' he had like 4 friends. all girls.. makes me think he may have had a lil thing with one of them?

 

some times i feel maybe i should contact his wife and tell her everything. id hate for her to go through this again. i dont want another woman to go through what i am either. his lied to her about the whole circumstances around us. but then i think, well he chose to stay.... grrrr my heads a mess.

[fooled once]

today has been real bad for me. in a way i wish he would call or text me so i could have the satisfaction of ignoring it.

 

i feel so empty. i think because we spoke everyday for hours and had our lil text things we do for the past 3 months, im out the routine. i miss him soo bad.

 

i went to the gym and im trying so hard but inside i just want to break down. im not coping too well. i feel so ill. i had bad chest pains in the gym and thought i was going to pass out. i know im damaging myself. i just cant bring myself to eat. i look a mess. my hands look wrinkled my eyes look sunken.. grrrrrrr. i havent eaten a single thing in a week and was just about eating the week before.

 

i searched his name in google and found he has myspace. he hasnt been active on it for a year. but his last post was ' im glad i have a new mate' he had like 4 friends. all girls.. makes me think he may have had a lil thing with one of them?

 

some times i feel maybe i should contact his wife and tell her everything. id hate for her to go through this again. i dont want another woman to go through what i am either. his lied to her about the whole circumstances around us. but then i think, well he chose to stay.... grrrr my heads a mess.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. You are going to hurt yourself physically if you don't eat. Not eating isn't going to make him unmarried or bring him back. EAT. Do not allow yourself to be physically in jeopardy because of him. He isn't worth it!!

 

As for telling his wife -- that is just vengeful. You know that. Don't do it. You didn't care enough about her when you started this; don't start caring now. Leave it alone.

 

EAT!!!

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I think the kindest thing to do is tell the wife the truth. How awful for her to attempt to fix a problem when she doesn't even know the depth of what she's up against. By not telling her the truth, you are CONTINUING to assist her husband in deceiving her, forever and ever.

[RedDevil66]

ahhh I feel so bad for how you're feeling. I know this pain so well.

 

Listen, you have to eat. You cannot work out without fuel.

I know this feels really bad, but when you starve your mind everything seems much more bleek.

Your mind is playing tricks on you.

 

Promise yourself to eat today. Even if it's some whole wheat toast. Apple sauce, cereal.

[RedDevil66]

and sweetie, think of telling his wife only after your mind is clear. Right now, you're hurting and not clear.

[hopeless4u]

today has been real bad for me. in a way i wish he would call or text me so i could have the satisfaction of ignoring it.

 

i feel so empty. i think because we spoke everyday for hours and had our lil text things we do for the past 3 months, im out the routine. i miss him soo bad.

 

i went to the gym and im trying so hard but inside i just want to break down. im not coping too well. i feel so ill. i had bad chest pains in the gym and thought i was going to pass out. i know im damaging myself. i just cant bring myself to eat. i look a mess. my hands look wrinkled my eyes look sunken.. grrrrrrr. i havent eaten a single thing in a week and was just about eating the week before.

 

i searched his name in google and found he has myspace. he hasnt been active on it for a year. but his last post was ' im glad i have a new mate' he had like 4 friends. all girls.. makes me think he may have had a lil thing with one of them?

 

some times i feel maybe i should contact his wife and tell her everything. id hate for her to go through this again. i dont want another woman to go through what i am either. his lied to her about the whole circumstances around us. but then i think, well he chose to stay.... grrrr my heads a mess.

 

 

Hey hunny, big hugs to you, I'm feeling your pain. I have done NC so many times but the time that sticks in my mind was a few months ago and I really thought I would be able to go through with it so in my heart it felt like the end. I couldn't go to work, I just stayed in bed for a week! I didn't eat, sleep or wash! I just curled up and cried like a baby, the pain was so much I thought I would die. He was checking my myspace and msn comments and e mailed me and the pain instantly went away, the minute I'd heard from him but part of me wonders if he'd of stayed NC would it of got better, who knows. At least your xMM has told his W something so they have to face up to things, give it some time, if he truly loves you and has been telling you the truth then he will get in touch but except nothing less than him having already left her, do not except him saying he will because as soon as he has you back to lean on he never will, trust me, I'm living proof of that. 2 years later and my xMM still can't even tell his W he has been unfaithful.

Again, big hugs to you xx

[White Flower]

i find myself wondering if any thing he told me was true??

if you love someone, nothing would stop you from being with them?

how could he look me in the eye and lie. im left behind like a mug.. i question why i allowed myself to get here in the first place??

 

all power to his wife for trying to work it out with him.. maybe i had a lucky escape? i just wish i didnt miss him so.

Please don't beat yourself up so badly. You fell in love and then you told him to go and do the right thing. I know it hurts that it feels like he lied and maybe he did and maybe he didn't. He's weak and confused and is staying where his support group is telling him where to stay. I'm not trying to offer false hope, but that's the way it sounds.

 

I hope you get over this soon because you sound so hurt.

 

To answer your question, we allow ourselves to get here because we fell in love and love is not logical.

 

Hugs.

[Tabbie]

These men are broken and look for women who are broken enough to accept their nonsence.

.

 

And she will accept his nonsence because she doe not want to lose her husband and face up to the fact that he is a cheating jerk. Be glad that you are not married to this mess of a man.

[justageek]

hey guys. you have no idea how much it helps to hear all your advice. its helping keping me headstrong.

im still broken.

i feel frustrated like i have questions to be answered. thing is how would i know if what he told me was true? i feel sad to think that people could be like this. did he play me? was any of his words/ promises genuine.

 

i guess we all hope that ours is the rare one that tells the truth.

 

has anyone had the mm try work things out with the wife but change his mind?

 

would you take him back? x

[hopeless4u]

hey guys. you have no idea how much it helps to hear all your advice. its helping keping me headstrong.

im still broken.

i feel frustrated like i have questions to be answered. thing is how would i know if what he told me was true? i feel sad to think that people could be like this. did he play me? was any of his words/ promises genuine.

 

i guess we all hope that ours is the rare one that tells the truth.

 

has anyone had the mm try work things out with the wife but change his mind?

 

would you take him back? x

 

My xMM has had MC but said he only went to keep W happy, said it was pointless. W even gave him the choice of trial separation but he didn't take it, obviously all the 'I love you' he said to me wasn't enough to make him want to leave.

When I found out he was still being intimate with his W I asked is that choice or duty, he answered he doesn't know, he said he knows when he is with me it's choice but is confused when he is with W. Needless to say I ended it but the EA is still there, I can't let go and neither can he but I'm getting stronger, I see him in a completely different way now.

I have no desire to share any kind of PA with him now, it actually turns my stomach to think of him touching me but emotionally at the moment I'm still attached and thats where I'm finding it hard, I'm so used to having him around that the thought of not sharing things with him is where I fall down.

The only way now I would take him back is with D papers in hand and thats never going to happen so I'm just getting my head round that and when I do I'm free.

[RedDevil66]

hey guys. you have no idea how much it helps to hear all your advice. its helping keping me headstrong.

im still broken.

i feel frustrated like i have questions to be answered. thing is how would i know if what he told me was true? i feel sad to think that people could be like this. did he play me? was any of his words/ promises genuine.

 

i guess we all hope that ours is the rare one that tells the truth.

 

has anyone had the mm try work things out with the wife but change his mind?

 

would you take him back? x

 

When I was in your shoes, yes, I would have taken him back, but once I was out of it, no, I would have never taken him back.

 

Wanting that pain again and again is massochism.

 

Nothing is real when you're stuck in this pain. I can't tell you what to do, but all I can say is your path is the path you need to be on, in the process, take care of your health and heart.

[justageek]

ive been thinking that in a few days i might contact him. i just feel like i need some answers in order to move on.

 

my head tells me just keep walking away. i dont want to drag up the feelings again while im healing. he made his choice in agreeing to work things out.

 

my heart tells me. is he ok? i dont want him to be unhappy. he hurt so much. is his family pressuring him to be there? but if he wanted out he would have done it, he told her he didnt love her, told her he cheated (although not to the full extent). he was true to his word when he said he would tell her.

 

its horrible feeling i need explanations. i know i need to move on and let him sort himself out.

 

ive been asked out on a date buy a 100% single guy. but its all too soon. i cant date some one else while i still have feelings for the mm.

i explained this to the other guy and he said thats cool.. just let me take you out and spoil. we can just have a giggle and help take your mind of things.

 

then theres the other problem where ive made myself ill by not eating for so long. its got out of hand. i need to fix me. im going to see the doctor tomorrow and go from there..

 

when i have my little moments that i feel im missing him, i come here and read. it really does help.

 

thankyou for your comments. i dont feel strong enough in my head to offer advice to others. but your advice has really helped me. x

[jennie-jennie]

You have to eat, your body needs fuel, make sure to take care of your basic needs.

 

Just wanted to let you know I recognize the pain, it is not easy.

[justageek]

well ive been ill on sofa all day and this afternoon i got watching a film, it was one where the husband /wife take their 2 teenage children on a campervan style holiday. a bonding holiday. it was one of them films that make the family realise how much they need each other and love each other.. they had been married many years. it was a good happy feel good film.

 

anyhows back on track.. made me think of my mm's wife. its so easy to get eaten up in our own grief that we forget they must be hurting too.. more so cause they have all them years of memories. regardless what he has told me.. true or otherwise. i actually wish them well. yes i love him and im still heartbroken and still yearn for him to hold me one last time, but i could finally accept it. it took a soppy film to make me realise it was right to end and life will go on.

 

ive accepted this night out with mr single and need to get my mind far away from her husband.

[hopeless4u]

ive been thinking that in a few days i might contact him. i just feel like i need some answers in order to move on.

 

my head tells me just keep walking away. i dont want to drag up the feelings again while im healing. he made his choice in agreeing to work things out.

 

my heart tells me. is he ok? i dont want him to be unhappy. he hurt so much. is his family pressuring him to be there? but if he wanted out he would have done it, he told her he didnt love her, told her he cheated (although not to the full extent). he was true to his word when he said he would tell her.

 

its horrible feeling i need explanations. i know i need to move on and let him sort himself out.

 

ive been asked out on a date buy a 100% single guy. but its all too soon. i cant date some one else while i still have feelings for the mm.

i explained this to the other guy and he said thats cool.. just let me take you out and spoil. we can just have a giggle and help take your mind of things.

 

then theres the other problem where ive made myself ill by not eating for so long. its got out of hand. i need to fix me. im going to see the doctor tomorrow and go from there..

 

when i have my little moments that i feel im missing him, i come here and read. it really does help.

 

thankyou for your comments. i dont feel strong enough in my head to offer advice to others. but your advice has really helped me. x

 

DON'T CONTACT HIM

I can't stress to you enough!!! Please don't go back there for HIS pain, I've done that so many times. Everytime me and my xMM have done NC we have both broke it because of how the other is hurting....IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE!!

If he loves you and really can't live without you he WILL come back. If like my xMM, he just THINKS he can't live without you then all you are doing when contacting him is putting yourself right back where you have just come from, believe me, I have been there, it's like a drug!

You will see it clearer soon, I have been where you are now, the uncertainty, thinking 'what if', DON'T!!

 

Big hugs honey and stay strong, hope your date went well;)x

[justageek]

I was laying in bed this morning and he text me.

 

He put “I know im the last person you need to hear from but I just need you to know how sorry I am. I cant stop thinking how much I hurt you. I want to know your ok”

 

It was on another number I didn’t recognise. He must have got a new one..

 

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump right out its skin.

 

I text back… “who is this? “…. No reply since..

 

I wanted to put I miss him.. I love him.. and no im not bloody ok am i?

 

But I don’t know this number, I don’t know this person.

 

My (name of mm) that I fell in love with and gave my heart to. The (name) who looked me in the eyes and told me he couldn’t live with out me. Told me he loved me, stroked my face so tenderly… well that ( name) he was a fraud, a liar. He promised me the world and failed to deliver… this was not the man I fell in love with. That man I loved so much died the day he broke my heart, unfortunately a piece of me died along with him.

 

This guy that was texting me, he is just a fraud.

 

He is still being a fraud by deceiving his wife. She obviously made him change his number yet he is texting me. Therefore he deceives her. He cheats her of being with a guy that will love her whole heartedly. He lives his life in one huge fraud cloud.

 

But to me the guy I fell in love with and still love, well he never existed.

Edited November 30, 2009 by justageek

[justageek]

he once told me that this song made him think of me...

 

james blunt - goodbye my lover.

 

go listen to it.. the words.. hahaha so true.

[justageek]

Ok today I had a moment of weakness…

 

I came in from the doctors.. thought- ok, todays the day i move on.

 

I don’t know why but I dialled his number. Kind of wanted to see if he had changed his number.. I don’t really know why I rang it? but I did and it rang. Luckily no one answered.

 

I had a good chat on the phone with my close friend whos in a similar experience except her mm left his wife for her after saying he was going to try with his wife..( he realised 3 weeks later that,he couldn’t make things work in the m when he wasn’t in love anymore. He followed his heart for a chance of happiness and chose to be with the ow..).. its so good to have someone who understands and has been there.

 

Anyways shortly after.. xmm texts me back. On his work phone so his w don’t notice on his bill.

Cut long story short, he asked if I was ok.. to which I replied ‘course not silly’.

He kept saying how deeply sorry he was and why had I rang?

I said it didn’t matter and I shouldn’t have called. So sorry.

He said I can call if I want a chat, don’t be sorry.

I asked if he was ok and he said he was trying. He felt so bad, he was truly sorry and if I want to speak then call him tomorrow.

Ive texed back- he should be sorry and that he cant hurt me no more.( meaning ive past the hurt) And that I do forgive him…

 

This bit of contact helped me in a strange way. In a way he felt like someone else. I didn’t have that rush of feelings. I felt strangely at peace.

 

I miss the guy I had an instant attraction to, the moment I lay eyes on him..the man I fell in love with. The man that was like a breath of fresh air. The man that gave me butterflies, the guy that I would grow old with and love with all my heart…

 

Maybe in another time, another place, we could have been together. But now he is out of bounds. i just needed the closure.

 

made me think that maybe this whole nc isn’t always such a good thing. Maybe its part of the healing process.???

Edited December 1, 2009 by justageek

[White Flower]

made me think that maybe this whole nc isn’t always such a good thing. Maybe its part of the healing process.???

I think you are right. You were able to hear the resolve in his voice that lets you know he's done which helps you to move on.

 

Best wishes. You will find that true love to grow old with.