Arianna Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) I've been lost so many times i couldn't tell you where I was at this moment:confused: I'm not sure what to do, I simply don't know. we were 15 and attached at heart. Carlos was thoughtful and kind and wanted my presence all the time and every time. We talked everyday, we went to the movies, played video games and simply had a wonderful friendship. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said YES right away. I thought I've found the love of my life:love: I thought we were going to be together forever and ever. However, his behavior soon started to change. He became more jealous and he wanted me to give my virginity to him. We compromised and decided to have oral. I felt bad when it happen because I didn't know if i was doing it the way he wanted it. Soon after we talked about being together. We planned our wedding, how many kids and we decided we were going to live in his house he had in Hawaii. we celebrated our one year anniversary and I was sooo happy. Things started to change rather quickly after that. about 2 weeks later, he said he had cheated on me with his co-worker Jules. I couldn't believe it, I was devastated and I cried so many nights. I told him I didnt want to see him and if he wanted me back he was going to have to change some aspects. He agreed but in the end never did anything. He started treating me worse and in the end he ended the relationship with me. About 1 month later he said he still loved me. When i denied him sex on month #2 he said i don't love you. These words still haunt my presence every time. Is love conditional? After he said that I never called him again. I felt so empty because not only was he gone but also the love he felt for me. I started to talk to people from all over the world. i went in chats wanting to find answers and found a friendship. He is the complete opposite of my ex in some aspects. He tells me I am beautiful and makes me all kinds of home videos to show how much he cares. he calls me long distance and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. He gets too jealous, he claims he wants to be just as important as my ex was to me. He is having a ton of issues with me talking to my ex. he hates my ex more than what u can imagine. we are having more problems and im not sure if i want out because he keeps bringing the same discussion again and again. Things have been getting worse. My ex has never stopped calling. it's almost a year since we have been over and his insistence continues to grow. My ex claims to have a gf, but he doesn't tell me who she is. He also claims he didn't wait to have sex with other woman (3 to be exact) once our relationship was over. He wants to have sex with me because we never had anything other than oral. he says he has not found someone who does it as good as i once did. So im in a place, do i give my virginity to him? Do i continue with the ldr? or do i go single once and for all? I'm lost Edited November 26, 2009 by Arianna
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) To answer the main point, dumping you straight after you denied him of sex does not show love in any way. I loved my ex for who she is and never once asked her for sex. Especially on just the second month... I don't know how from what you said shows that he loves you at all other than sex. Edited November 26, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 He is doing this for pride!! He only wants the title of being "the one". How can someone that loves you even say a thing like "Your BJ were the best"... I had great sex with my ex, but above all things sex was the last thing I though off when I was with her. Think about it, but this person most likely will screw you a couple of times later on will dump you back again! Will pray for you
Ronni_W Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 So im in a place, do i give my virginity to him? Do i continue with the ldr? or do i go single once and for all? I'm lost The LDR seems like a take-it-or-leave-it proposition, doesn't it? If you're getting truckloads of positive stuff out of it, then...sure, why not continue with it? But. If it is exhausting and depleting you, then...what's the point of continuing with it? Giving up your virginity. It really depends on how much value YOU place on it. If you see it as something special, then you want to make sure that "the" guy is also going to treat it (you!) as something special. If you would see it as you giving a precious gift that you want to be held with some sacredness, with kindness and a level of appreciation for what you are giving (and he is receiving)... Well, your ex don't sound like THAT guy, do he? He said that he wants it because, so far, he's only gotten an excellent blowjob from you! NOT because he loves you, or is worthy of receiving such a special thing from you, or would feel incredibly flattered and special when you give it to him. NOT because he would hold it sacred and in high regard. NOT because HE is placing any value on it other than, in his (penis-driven) mind, it's the next step after a blowjob. *IF* you don't mind giving your virginity away under those circumstances, then...sure, give it to your ex. As long as you are as sure as you can be at this point that you will not regret it later. OTOH. If your intuition is telling you that it's time to cut BOTH of these losers guys out of your life, and start finding people who will accept and respect your own values, and not try to manipulate you or get you to change what is important to YOU, then...yes, definitely! Do listen to your own intuition. You will NOT go far wrong if you do that.
Author Arianna Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 First of all I want to thank everyone who posted these comments. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel at this moment. I know I'm young and don't know much of how guys are and therefore I appreciate your honesty. This situation has been difficult because I want to believe my ex "still loves me in some way" however deep inside I know it isn't true:( I'm not sure where life will lead me, but I know I should stay away from my ex, it's just hard to say good bye specially if he is always there, calling & looking for me everyday
EskimoPassingBy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) Do what my ex does. Be mean, cold and hateful to him. Then he'll stop contacting you. Don't have to get nasty though. Can be done skillfully without any vulgarities. Edited November 28, 2009 by EskimoPassingBy
Author Arianna Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 trust me it doesnt work. Ive tried everything i wont answer his calls for months at a time and he still calls again and again. Im not sure what his deal is. What else can I do? Does revenge even work?
Ronni_W Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 What else can I do? Arianna, Have you been 100%, crystal clear with him that you do not intend to give him any more blowjobs and FOR SURE he ain't getting your virginity? If not, then you're actually encouraging him to keep in contact with you. Tell it to him straight, be firm, maintain a very strong voice. If you're being wishy-washy and vague about his future prospects of sexual gratification with you, then he's recognizing that as your weakness...and he WILL continue to prey on it. He is acting like a vulture because your desire to believe that he still loves you is making you act as if you're ready to roll over and "die" (become easy pickings.) Do not become his victim. Listen to your own intuition and stay away from him at all costs. Stop communicating with him. It will get easier but you first do have to do the work of not giving in to any desire to respond to his texts and whatevers. It's difficult but you CAN do it. You do have the power of self-respect and self-control, yes? Hugs.
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