whatsupwithme Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 Hi Im fairly new to this forum so please bare with me.... My story started over three years ago when i started work for a new company. I was engaged to be married to a mentally and physically abusive man who drove all my self respect and personality into the ground. When i started work it was a release for me to be myself and out of the house. I got along with everyone at work however i became close to a MM in my office. This was by sheer accident as he started asking personal questions about my home life and i started to confide in him. Anyways this friendship was ongoing for over a year until the MM's mother died and it all changed. When his mother died he told me that his whole world had been blown apart and it made him think about his life and what he wanted. he then told me he had been unhappy at home with his wife and regretted marrying her due to pier pressure at the time. He didnt regret having two wonderful young boys and loved them very much. As time went by the friendship turned into an EA as i found talking to him comforting as he did to me. On a works night out he said he loved me but i told him i was engaged he was married and it woould never happen. However over the following months my relationship reached an all time low, polive were called, it ended and i went away for a week with friends. when i came back i shocked to fin out that MM had left home and was living at his dads. he told me to just let him know if there was any chance .... he loved me but needed to know if i felt the same. i told him my head was a mess and i wasnt sure....he should try marriage counciling with his wife even if it was just for the kids. Weeks passsed and he continued to ask me out until i finally gave in..... we have been together ever since and are planning on getting married soon. I get on very well with the children. The problem is.... i still feel guilty aboout the ex wife because even though we did not have a PA we definitly had feelings for each other. She assumes we were having an affari(even though boyf has told her otherwise) as we worked together and started dating so quickly after he left home... she has told me to my face she hates me and will only be tolerant to me/him for the kids sake. This upsets me and stops me acting rationally when i hear nasty things she has said about me to others... i dont fight my corner becasue i feel so guilty. She has now moved on and has boyf and is expecting a baby Should i feel guilty? how long/ will it ever go away? am i giving myself a hard time? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
turnstone Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 He should really have stayed away from those seaside towns. But seriously, I think it must show a decent side to you that you feel guilty and yes, because your relationship with a man who wasn't single, wasn't above board, you should feel guilty. However, there needs to come a time when you can let that go otherwise you could never be healthy emotionally. It sounds to me that you've got some pretty deep issues though. You got engaged to a man that was abusive, and then got involved with a married man, neither of these things point to someone who can currently pick well. (Although look who's talking!) And now you're here asking for absolution? Get thee to a counselor, they'll help you work through these times. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 You are going to need to forgive yourself at some point. Yes you do have reason to feel guilty...but not forever. The longer you old on to that...it will fester and become an issue. I agree with turnstone...some therapy would be a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I see no reason why you should feel guilty at all. You have ended your relationship with your fiancee, your MM has divorced his wife, you did not have sex until after he had left her. The fact that you had emotions for each other before that was not within your control. Don't waste time and energy feeling guilty! Throw those feelings out the window! And enjoy life with your new love! Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I see no reason why you should feel guilty at all. You have ended your relationship with your fiancee, your MM has divorced his wife, you did not have sex until after he had left her. The fact that you had emotions for each other before that was not within your control. Don't waste time and energy feeling guilty! Throw those feelings out the window! And enjoy life with your new love! I agree with Jennie, you have nothing to feel guilty about, yeah you were there for him emotionally but thats all. Have fun and be happy, life is not a rehearsal so make the most of it. Of course his ex is gonna be emotional and say things she will probably regret later but thats life. Link to post Share on other sites
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