bob1234 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 So as the title says, she was with her ex for ~20 years, and apparently he was one extremely horny guy. He had sex with her on average 5 times a day, so roughly 1200-1500 times a year (which is like 10 times more then the average american). The thing is I have never connected with someone on such a deep spiritual level, I love who she is. She was abused as a child and I know that can make a person hypersexual (and she did have alot of insecurities which I am helping her get over), but I am having a hard time thinking about just how many times he had sex with her, it really gets to my ego. I dont want to ruin this, because I do love her and she does love me and repeatadly tells me what we have is so much more then what they had. But my ego tends to go back to that number and then imaging her with him...uggghh. I know its judgmental, especially given what she went through as child, but I do judge it, especially considering I am spiritiual as she is too, which is why I was so suprised to find out about this as i got to know her. As she explained to me though, it was insecurities, and really that desire he had for her was the only way she got validated and the only connection they had. So how can i stop thinking and judging her for this?
gopher Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Just imagine her judging you regarding your sex life.
rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Would you want her to judge you based on that? just turn it on you and see how youd react if someone did it to you. but dang, that is alot...unnatural.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 So how can i stop thinking and judging her for this? Grow up and realize it's none of your business how many times she got it on with her ex.
BookerT Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I have the same problem. Every time I have sex with a non virgin I imagine how many men have put their dicks in the same place....... Nah, just kidding. I mean if you love her, why think so much?
sally4sara Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 OP, no more bulls**ting. In any of your previous relationships, were you able to find the time in your day to have sex 5x everyday? Maybe one day here sure, or a couple days on vacation there, but EVERYDAY for 20 years? Even just one year? EVERYDAY 5x? Was she dating a bonobo?
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 OP, no more bulls**ting. In any of your previous relationships, were you able to find the time in your day to have sex 5x everyday? Maybe one day here sure, or a couple days on vacation there, but EVERYDAY for 20 years? Even just one year? EVERYDAY 5x? Was she dating a bonobo? I think it happens 5x is extreme, especially every day. She probably meant it as a general pricniple, not literally every day like real life never came up. Also most girls dont have that kind of sex drive. But speaking for myself, and even relatives and friends I know... I dont like tv. I dont want to go rock climbing. I dont like to play golf. And except occasionally to catch up or because something is going on (bday, wedding, party) I dont like spending nights hanging out with my guy friends drinking in some bar. Or play video games at home There is nothing on tv better than sex. Get rid of the tv and I think youll find its not that crazy or uncommon What I dont understand is why the f'k hes complaining.
Sam Spade Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Just make it a goal to have sex with her 6Xtimes a day. That'd show him!
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Just make it a goal to have sex with her 6Xtimes a day. That'd show him! At minimum IM thinking she justa dmitted he was stuffing her 5 times a day for 20 years, I better never here not now baby Im too tired.
Author bob1234 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Well, glad to see I am not the only one that thinks that was excessive. She definitely has a higher libido then most women, and I am not complaining about that. I did tell her though that i had no intention of doing it 5 times a day...which she was fine with. I am thinking twice a day is a good number. To the poster that joked about me having sex with her 6 times a day, I know that is a stupid thought, but I have thought that way sometimes. Given how many times they did it, I will never do it with her as much, and you know how that male ego can be, lol. So ya, its unnatural, especially given how i got to know her...she is deep, reflective and very intelligent, so it was such a surprise to find out about this. I really do think it had to do with her being sexually abused as a child by her father, from my reading about that, you either basically become celibate and dont want sex, or you become hypersexual like her. I know based on her past I shouldnt judge it and understand there were some deep seeded psychological issues, and I know I am really healthy for her on that level. I just hope my ego can get past this, because its not fair to her to keep holding the past against her. She really loves me and states she has never felt the way she feels for me for anyone. I know it would break her heart if i ended it, especially over something so stupd. And the really funny thing is, I know she is good for me too, and I have never felt so at home and comfortable with someone. Do you think as we spend more time together and our connection grows even more, I will be able to let go of that and stop thinking about it? Edited November 26, 2009 by bob1234
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I think you should of never asked her/she should of never told you. But since you guys did. It was one guy in a relationship of what? 20yrs? If thats the only issue she has, count yourself lucky bro It wouldnt bother me at all. And now that shes fessed up, she better always be good to go:)
MRA_NYC Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) If you think you can trust her to be honest on this one, ask her point-blank: "is the sex better with me than it was with him?" If she says no, wavers, or refuses to answer the question, then walk. If she says yes, then who cares how often they did it? If she's getting great sex from you semi-frequently, as opposed to mediocre sex with him constantly, then she's probably happier with you. Quality over quantity, my friend. Edited November 26, 2009 by MRA_NYC
sally4sara Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 ask her point-blank: "is the sex better with me than it was with him?" If she says no, wavers, or refuses to answer the question, then walk. If she says yes, then who cares how often they did it? If she's getting great sex from you semi-frequently, as opposed to mediocre sex with him constantly, then she's probably happier with you. Quality over quantity, my friend. For sure! Cuz if sex with the OP isn't as good as sex with her ex, its totally all her fault. :rolleyes::rolleyes: What if sex with the OP isn't as good, but she still wants to be with him for all the other qualities he does have over her ex? Probably best for all the male egos out there to just not ask such questions. What would make this better - if she only had sex that often because she was forced and it was a horrible experience?!???!
deux ex machina Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Do you really believe it was 5 times a day for 20 years?
MRA_NYC Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 For sure! Cuz if sex with the OP isn't as good as sex with her ex, its totally all her fault. :rolleyes::rolleyes: What if sex with the OP isn't as good, but she still wants to be with him for all the other qualities he does have over her ex? Probably best for all the male egos out there to just not ask such questions. What would make this better - if she only had sex that often because she was forced and it was a horrible experience?!???! Not necessarily her fault, but he should get out if that's the case. As for "all the other qualities", it doesn't matter. Not being there for your wife's peak sexual experiences is like missing out on a child's graduation and wedding-- only acceptable if you're dead. I wouldn't say a "horrible experience" would make it better. Ideal is to marry a woman whose previous sexual experiences were positive but inferior to what you provide.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 So as the title says, she was with her ex for ~20 years, and apparently he was one extremely horny guy. He had sex with her on average 5 times a day, so roughly 1200-1500 times a year ... her vagina must hang low like a wizard's sleeve. I SERIOUSLY doubt it's possible to have that much sex. Do they not work and just stay home? She has sex 5 times a day during her period too? You're calculations are off Mr. Spock! But anyway, my ex was the same way before she met me. She told me about her ex before me and how much they loved it, blah blah blah. It can get kind of frightening, it feels like you need to sexually compete or something. Then I showed her... HEH... HEH... HEH....
Toki Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 5 times a day for how long??? Man, after about three days I'd just have a white flag with the word "BANG" on it after orgasm. I've heard some whoopers about virility, but that almost takes the cake.
jw90063 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 her vagina must hang low like a wizard's sleeve. I SERIOUSLY doubt it's possible to have that much sex. Do they not work and just stay home? She has sex 5 times a day during her period too? You're calculations are off Mr. Spock! .....
Ms. Joolie Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Well... at least it was the same guy 5x a day for 20 years..........
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