ekt21 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 so here is my story me and my ex were together for about one year he ended up dumping me around 5 months ago because he wasn't happy in the direction the relationship was going in. We weren't fighting no clear signs really. I was totally heartbroken still am. After the breakup I went to straight complete no contact for 3 1/2 months. That helped a lot, the semester started up again in august so I ended up running into him. I went on with what I was doing it didnt really phase me. Then throughout Aug/Sept he would email me checkin in every 2 weeks on how I was doing and hoping I was doing better then him, and i would still see him around campus every week. And I would reply to his emails cause I still yet wasn't over him. So long story short I found myself in his bed having sex. Then the next day we go on as with our life like nothing happened. After that happened we set up boundaries so it wouldn't happen again. So now November for the past 2 weeks we've been sleeping together we act like a couple when we are together but when I leave we aren't. We kiss goodbye and thats it until someone budges usually a text message. I don't know if he is just using me for sex or cause he wants a relationship. We are both avoiding this conversation and I am cause I dont want to be rejected again. He doesn't budge and I dont budge either. We made boundaries which were broken! but we never talked about getting back together. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! ANY ADVICE PLEASE!
GrayClouds Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I don't know if he is just using me for sex or cause he wants a relationship. YES HE IS, your being used. or cause he wants a relationship. If he want one he would say so. We are both avoiding this conversation and I am cause I dont want to be rejected again. He doesn't budge and I dont budge either. We made boundaries which were broken! but we never talked about getting back together. I suspect you are feeling rejected ever time you have sex and don't have the "conversation", You deserve to be with someone who want to be with you, who wont let you go until they have the "conversation". You have to believe your worth that and settle for nothing else. You deserve better.
Author ekt21 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 the thing that gets me is that how can he be so affectionate and caring when we are together and it doesn't mean anything to him? Is his heart that numb? So you think if he hasn't told me so already that he wants to get back together it's just for sex basically?
GrayClouds Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 the thing that gets me is that how can he be so affectionate and caring when we are together and it doesn't mean anything to him? Because your letting him So you think if he hasn't told me so already that he wants to get back together it's just for sex basically? I am sorry ekt, you already know the answer to that last question. If he loved you he wouldn't be able to keep from telling you and showing the world. He may care for you, but just enough to keep you around until he finds something he thinks is better. But again down down inside you know this. If a quality relationship you do need to look for clues to find out how someone feels, you dont need to be afraid to ask how they feel, and you do not need to ask go to Love Shack to try to figure out they feel. You deserve better and will find it when you decided you deserve better. He is given you breadcrumbs read: So you want a second chance?
Author ekt21 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 thank you for your advice I really do appreciate it!
Author ekt21 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Do you think I should tell him how I feel asap and get that rejection and move on with my life and back to NC. But its hard to for me cause we have so much mutual friends. At my college he works in my lab so I see him every tuesday,wednesday and thursday. I really dont know how to move on when i see him every where!
GrayClouds Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Do you think I should tell him how I feel asap and get that rejection and move on with my life and back to NC. But its hard to for me cause we have so much mutual friends. At my college he works in my lab so I see him every tuesday,wednesday and thursday. I really dont know how to move on when i see him every where! Why would you even want to ask him? You should be rejecting him. Even if there is a snowball chance he does want pelationship, do you really want to spend you time with someone who has no ability to express his feeling, where you have to do all the hard work of a relationship? More likely do you really want to be with someone who uses other people until there push into making a decision? It does not matter what he wants, Ekt, it is about you. Yes MC is hard, but you were already done it before. Hell you got some hard classes and but you continue to work on those. So you NC and see him...your polite and brief. Then you walk away telling yourself that our proud of who yo are and desirve better. Even if you have to step away from the mutural friends for while, get busy with other things. Start going to the gym get hotter looking. gone some groups or clubs and make some additional friends, take some weekend class on camping. This is about you taking control. Taking control of the situation, Taking control of your life. You should be in realtionships until you can see a quality one from one that is not healthy for you. You don't have to force your crushes. Love is not this hard, it is not about this much second guessing. Again you should be rejecting him because you want better. Spend this time focusing on yourself, learn how to really enjoy your time on your own and when you do you will find a realization that is quality. It will make NC easier it will maek your life better. Relationships will come and go, your there forever, There is people here 5, 10, 20 years older then you who would kill to be learn this lesson at your age. Edited November 26, 2009 by GrayClouds
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 There is people here 5, 10, 20 years older then you who would kill to be learn this lesson at your age. Yip, and I'm one of them! I was involved with an ambivalent man for 1.5yrs thinking that his affection and charm meant something more than it actually was. It totally messed with my head and I was a fool. You deserve 100% and nothing less. Walk away, give yourself the space you need, away from him. Do it now and avoid further confusion and heartbreak.
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