sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) We both have a mutual friend; one that was with her when we met. Every now and then, I see her FB news feeds and comment on them. Never to fish, I just liked the banter.... I noticed a comment that she made on an album, 'Haloween' that the ex created. Yeah, I clicked on it but was sure that it would fail as we are not 'friends' on FB. It didnt... I had a front row seat to seeing her with friends... and another man... She looked happy; they all did... I have found it rather easy to tell people her that the closure they are looking for should be, "I think we need time apart", "I need some space", or "Lets just date". Yet, I would torture myself and nibble on whatever the last breadcrumb was she tossed my way. When I looked, I was at work with over one hour left till I was to leave. I was shaking like a Fall leaf. It was the photos, the captions, and all their smiles. I had to leave. She was there with them, him, just 2 weeks after I last saw her. Not for any good reason, I showed up after an 'ok' conversation but still unwanted, but it started 'well'. Talking, she called off work on her own accord, intimate massages, and plans for a day. That all ended with relationship talks. The photos I saw, reading "My girlfriend" in his comments, were the most painful thing I have seen.. Five months since the breakup, 50 days of NC, 42 since Ive heard from her, all the breadcrumbs and ****tythings she did after, and now this. . However, and oddly, they are gone now... I cant explain it, and I almost dont want to admit it, but I was almost happy for her. He was dressed in a hilarious costume, was handsome, and looked to care for her. I dont know if this is a rebound for her; I don't know if she just buried the feelings of our break up (I know they were there), I just know that this feels like a closed a door for me. I just hope it is the last one. In a bit, Im going to go out with my sister, and her friends, maybe Ill have some pictures to post and really be happy in them. Happy Thanksgiving everyone... Edited November 26, 2009 by sean1970
DenverBachelor Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 This is exactly why I stopped playing on social networking sites completely. I don't need the bull****. I'll log on during the summer of 2010 when I'm on a beach in France with a hot European chick kissing me all over while I sip my Gin and Tonic. I don't need to see her pictures, her BS party pictures with the 5'th rebound in a month, etc. I don't need any of it. **** that.
Bulldozed Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Sean - I see your from Michigan, I live in Royal Oak. Small world! thankfully my ex is too computer illiterate to even figure out facebook, always claiming she doesn't trust it...the fact is she really doesn't have any friends...she's pretty much discarded all of them except her bf (prior to me) sister-n-law. Stay strong, you will persevere, we all will. Someone or something better is right around the corner for us!
Author sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Sean - I see your from Michigan, I live in Royal Oak. Small world! Stay strong, you will persevere, we all will. Someone or something better is right around the corner for us! I just had a bit of an attack... God, if you can hear me, please help me... ****... Edited November 26, 2009 by sean1970
USMCHokie Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Alright...seriously Sean...what is with all of us...it's like this whole week, one after another, just dropping like flies...but yours seems to be hopeful... This is why I had to unfriend all her friends too...and not get involved in commenting on mutual friends' facebook pages that she commented on and friends that she "claimed" first... It looks like you're doing a lot better than I...but that feeling never fails...the tinge of pain you get when you see something like that...but you seem to be doing a fantastic job of overcoming it... These pain attacks come and go, but just like you keep telling me, we are both strong enough to beat them...don't dwell on whether she's happy or not, whether the guy's a rebound or not...I know it's easier said than done, and it's MUCH easier to tell someone than to do it yourself... Semper Fidelis...
teanoranges Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 dropping like flies we did... hold in there, the sad part fades again. Get some sleep and focus on keeping your mind off of it. In a couple of days, we'll all be strong again... hopefully this week was the last drop for us all.
JaggedRoad Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Heh, I saw pictures of my ex on facebook too. I blocked and unfriended her, but one of my friends still has my ex on her account (she doesn't go on fb much). Looking at her pictures gave me mixed feelings. She seemed okay, but I don't know if I can say that she looked happy--maybe content. This happened last night at around 10PM, and I broke down at work today. Luckily, I had a hoody on, so people hopefully didn't see my tears. But I'll tell you this, I felt like screaming my lungs out to relieve myself of the pain I felt. Congrats on overcoming this hurdle =) Happy Turkey Day! Gobble gobble!
Author sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Looking at her pictures gave me mixed feelings. She seemed okay, but I don't know if I can say that she looked happy--maybe content.! Crazy, because I saw the same things... I know its nuts, but she did not have 'her' smile on in any of them... Believe me, I know the smile.... I just cant have it give me hope... I want it to be the dagger... I need it to be...
GrayClouds Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I just had a bit of an attack... God, if you can hear me, please help me... ****... Hang in there Sean.
Author sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Hang in there Sean. I used to say to her, when things were bad, "Baby, I am tougher than woodpecker lips!" Im going to try to really mean it... Clouds, thank you for all that you have told me... You have helped me much, you mean a lot....
USMCHokie Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I just cant have it give me hope... I want it to be the dagger... I need it to be... Sean, you have been through enough and have enough character to know that you don't need a dagger...it all comes from within...if you keep looking to the outside for these proverbial daggers, when will you find the big enough dagger...? what if you tell yourself this is the dagger, and then in a couple weeks you see them together in person...you fall again, swearing that that will be the dagger that you needed...then a couple months later you find out they're engaged...now we're venturing into sword territory...so when does it end?? You can't control the things around you, but you can control everything inside you...stay strong, as you have all along...don't look outside, look inside...
adamt Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) you have to unfriend the ex. I hate facebook. the ex got back in touch with all her old friends on it,started spending loads of time on it then i was geting pushed away by her. probably help contribute to the break up with other things. I notice that that facebook as changed things when you block someone. if you unblock someone who cant block them for 48 hours. i hope my next girlfriend will not be into facebook! its the politics surrounding mutual friends that do my head in. some of my friends (before i met the ex) or on her facebook. but i'm not childish to demand they take her off. thing i dont get with facebook is that someone hads 100s of friends but rarely speaks to most of them Edited November 26, 2009 by adamt
Author sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 You can't control the things around you, but you can control everything inside you...stay strong, as you have all along...don't look outside, look inside... I miss my "chic"... I miss her replying that she misses her, "chicken". I fall to a knee thinking that... I will get up... I know I will... I just have hated this journey so late in my life... Thank you USM... Thanks to all of you....
Author sean1970 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 you have to unfriend the ex. Im not friends with the ex... Our mutal friend was the issue... I wont make it obvious that Im having issues by defriending her... I would feel like giving her satisfaction....
adamt Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 yeah, sorry. just having a rant to let of steam. having problems sleeping tonight. and facebook just pisses me off at the moment! aarrr! i reckon pre mobile phones and internet a lot of relationships were stronger with less temptations elsewhere! I would love to have the strength to take myself off facebook, but it would feel like losing an arm! love my next girlfriend to not be into the internet!
GrayClouds Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I wont make it obvious that Im having issues by defriending her... I would feel like giving her satisfaction.... Sean, it not about her or her satisfaction, it is about you and your healing. If you can keep her friended and stay away great, but if the temptation is too much then give her the boot. If that gives her satisfaction it says a lot about the person she is... The fact is she is not your friend she is your EX and YOU come before your ex and whatever she feels.
angelface78 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Sean, I have been through this and know the pain all too well. I saw pictures of my ex on myspace weeks after our breakup. We were together 5 years and engaged the last 6 months. Weeks later i saw pictures of him w his rebound. It was her bday and apparently he took her to a hotel room to celebrate. I saw a pic of them in the hotel room. The two of them were sitting on the side of a hot tub. There were balloons in the background. I cant explain the feeling i had when i saw this. I felt like i was floating. I wanted to throw up. I might as well have been there in the hotel room w them. This was just the beginning of many many other pictures and comments i saw on their myspaces. All these things broke me down day in and day out. I was addicted to looking at their myspaces but only hurting myself. I just could not believe that this was the same man i spent 5 years of my life with. Ironically all of this is what has helped me to move on. Sometimes you gotta hurt yourself so deep and confront yourself w reality in order to let go. I finally accepted this as the end. I am now 5 months post breakup and 50 days NC. (ALMOST SAME AS YOU) I broke NC once after 3 months of going into NC cold turkey. You will heal...i am healing. I know i am strong because i hear peoples stories and how much they are suffering and i realize my story and the things i have seen are far worse...but here i am alive. Im a rock...im resiliant....we can all be. Hang in there. Acceptance is the first step Sean. Youre on the right path my friend. Edited November 26, 2009 by angelface78
Jacks brain Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) I had the very same thing happen last week. Saw photos of her with someone I had suspected her of starting something with before she had even got all of her things out of the apt. She denied and denied before and made me feel like a fool for even asking. Then after weeks of NC I see photos of her with this person.. and I was crushed. All this time and I was right all along. Why did she lie to me.. and have to make me feel like I was the bad person for even suggesting it. I pretty much lost it and didn't sleep at all that night. In the morning I saw her and confronted her .. it wasn't good shouldn't have done it as I got no answers .. she still couldn't own up to it. It's like it's mentally impossible or something. This other person was I thought a friend of mine who I had even introduced her to. I feel betrayed by both of them. The worst is I feel like the bad guy, yes she makes me out to be the bad person somehow in all of this. I don't get it. And even now knowing this I still think of her as the person from before.. and I miss that person. She isn't that person anymore. I wrestle with the idea if I really knew the person that she was. How can she be so cold and completely void of any remorse for doing something like that with a friend. The photos I saw were done in a way that they were almost mocking me.. They knew I would see them. I was having a tough time dealing with no contact with her for the weeks before this but felt like I was slowly getting better even though I was still missing her.. now this and it set me right back. I'm at a complete emotional bottom at times and feel like I can't bare to think anymore about it but it continues and the thoughts go over and over in my head with no resolution. I feel your pain. Edited November 26, 2009 by Jacks brain
amtz Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I haven't gotten to this point yet and quiet frankly to have the balls, but when this day arrives, I know it will be a long one!!! Thats why since day one of my brake-up I didn't take any chances and deleted her from my network before it was too late... Best of wishes for all of us in this very special day Lord thank you for allowing love into our lives, but please allow us to heal our hearts and forgive those who caused such pain. Will pray for you
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