hellohello hello Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 when getting comfortable in a relationship, how do you sit down with your SO and talk it out and how to fix it without sounding like a nag? i had an ex of two years and we started to really dislike eachother because he just got plain lazy. he saw that the relationship was there, and so what. so he basically didnt do anything for me anymore this guy i am with, its been nearly 5 months together, has been the best experience of my life. he used to bring me flowers about 2 times a month, do the dishes that he ate out of at my place. i also do the dishes he uses to cook at his place, etc etc. very very fair to one another. but...i see him "slacking", and this worries me. i want all these good things that keep our relationship to keep going to keep our relationship alive- meaning i dont want to start getting angry because im feeling taken for granted. i haev to remind him (mind you all small things) to put the seat back down, to bring his dishes to the sink and to put things back where he got them....all things i never needed to do before. I HATE this because it scares me. scares me so much that the relationship will fail if i become a nag. so how do i sit him down and tlak to him about this stuff, without seeming like a bossy naggy bitch. cause im not. i think extra about all the nice and respectful things i can do for him, and him, hes slacking off now.
Vivid_29 Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Let me ask you this -- Do you feel that you are slacking in any way?
Arabess Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 I don't think it's a sign the relationship is slacking off just because he isn't fond of household chores. Nagging him though....CAN cause him to be less than pleased with the relationship. Since you aren't living together....it really isn't a biggie. If your relationship gets to that stage though....then you may want to sit down and agree on some joint chores and guidelines. ALL men leave socks on the floor, toilette seat up and is never fond of 'handling' dishes. It comes with the terrirory....don't let it become an issue. I'm a clean freak too....that's why I live alone. HAHA!
hello hello heloo Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Originally posted by Vivid_29 Let me ask you this -- Do you feel that you are slacking in any way? no, and when i do, i pick up the slack. im jsut mentioning this because when someone stops doing things they previously did without a problem and a smile on their face, it bothers me
moimeme Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 ALL men leave socks on the floor, toilette seat up and is never fond of 'handling' dishes. It comes with the terrirory....don't let it become an issue. Whooop whoooop whooop! [color=red]Broad Generalization Alert[/color] Whooooop Whoooop No man I have ever known - even as friend - has left the lid up. And I never had to ask. All but one helped with dishes. etc. etc.
yes Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 i can understand toilet seat issues & chores troubles, but dirty socks on the floor is unacceptable, imho. -yes
moimeme Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Arabess suggested having a chat about it. Discuss the way you want to run the household. Or ask if he has any complaints about habits of yours (but don't get mad at the answer) and then that may start the conversation.
yes Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 the answer, i think, is not to let him get TOO comfortable - make sure it's a contious pursuit... so just create a lil bit of distance. it's like dancing if you've ever learned it - you have to give the man resistance so that he can lead you - same here, do not pull back too much, just resist a bit - keeping you around should be a vague and pleasant effort. good luck, -yes
hellohellohello Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 where should i stop picking my battles? you know how they say to pick your battles? should i just every once in a while ask him to help me with the dishes, or hint that i would love some flowers? hes really not too sensitive- doesnt get upset fast so i figure these will be ok. but where do i put my foot down? how do i know whats worth fighting for? when he comes over and does nothing anymore? slob-like?
yes Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 with these simple things, i don't think there's a need for direct instructions of what he should do. simply become less available - he'll notice it, after a while, wake up, and bring you some flowers. that kinda thing. -yes
hello hello hello Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 becoming less available is something i cant do. i like to keep the relationship honest. plus, if we stay together forever, i cant just become less available from time to time. somethings gotta give. but thanks, yes
yes Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 you CAN be less available anytime you want. not necessarily physically but emotionally. regarding honest, i don't see the diff-ce between telling him to do smth vs. indirectly making him wanna do it. ok, that's it from me - good luck! -yes
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