Scarlett513 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 My current situation is I've been seeing this guy for the past 2 weeks, and we've had 5 dates already. This is quicker than I am used to. Normally, I would wait at least a month for sex but usually a month equals somewhere between 4-6 dates in the beginning stages. I like him, I want him to take me seriously, and I don't want to rush things. That being said, I am also really attracted to him!! Do you go by number of weeks (if so, how many), number of dates (if so, how many), or just whenever it feels right?
Yukikazi Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 My current situation is I've been seeing this guy for the past 2 weeks, and we've had 5 dates already. This is quicker than I am used to. Normally, I would wait at least a month for sex but usually a month equals somewhere between 4-6 dates in the beginning stages. I like him, I want him to take me seriously, and I don't want to rush things. That being said, I am also really attracted to him!! Do you go by number of weeks (if so, how many), number of dates (if so, how many), or just whenever it feels right? You go by what feels right for you both.. numbers are BS and arbitrary
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Holy Crao a month! No way Id wait that long. I mena well.....I cant imagine who Id wait thatlong for. Usually pretty close to the beginning. But a month for 5-8 dates sounds crazy to me as well. It would probably be almost that many that week, or within a wek unless there was some reason.
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Use your experience as a guide. Is there any difference for you between early and later sexual activity? If you're young, I doubt compatibility and long term potential are critical, so be safe and enjoy Did the guidance we provided in your past threads help you at all? I recall questions about similar issues in the past... To answer the title question, historically, I've always waited two to three months for intercourse in a LTR-type situation, which all of my sexual experiences have been predicated upon. Sexual activities can start as early as the first date, meaning close physical contact, kissing, foreplay, etc., though generally two to three dates in, if there is mutual interest and desire. Otherwise, my date would just be another guy hoisting a beer with me and cutting bad jokes, right?
InspiredbyYou Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 You don't go by the number of dates or hours or days, you go by how much you feel you know about the person you are with, how sure you are that the relationship is actually becoming a committed one and how YOU ultimately feel and what you want out of it. A woman's head is clearest before she sleeps with the man. Two weeks is too soon, as far as I am concerned but that's just me. Plus the longer the build up the more intense the sex when it actually does happen there is more emotionally invested so it's that much better.
Author Scarlett513 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 The advice I got through previous threads on this subject was extremely helpful, and that's how I came to my "one month rule." Which, isn't exactly a rule, just a guideline. To be clear, the only reason I worry about this is because I'm afraid if it happens too soon, he will lose respect for me, lose interest, and disappear on me. I've been hurt a lot (like everyone else), and I'm just trying to protect myself emotionally. But, the one month thing has been based mostly on guys I've dated where I only saw them about once a week with lots of interim phone calls, etc. In this case, bc I'm used to seeing the guy I'm dating only about once a week, and this feels like fast-forward.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Holy Crao a month! No way Id wait that long. I mena well.....I cant imagine who Id wait thatlong for. Usually pretty close to the beginning. But a month for 5-8 dates sounds crazy to me as well. It would probably be almost that many that week, or within a wek unless there was some reason. Wait, so you have 5 - 8 dates in a week with a girl? How is that logistically feasible? Or am I misreading? Anyway to OP rule of thumb for me is 5 dates but of course everything is flexible. It sounds like my timeframe is similar to yours, so I agree with you I guess. This fits for both serious and non serious relationships, a girl who I get serious with is going to be too hot blooded and we're going to be too head over heels to wait months for sex. And for something that's not serious, well then whyever would you let it last that long without sex? So it generally winds up being anywhere from a week to a couple months tops. Personally I wouldn't worry too much about sleeping with the guy too soon and he doesn't take you seriously. I think people make too much of a big deal about it and any guy who writes off girls for being too "easy" is a douche anyway. Focusing on not having sex with someone also seems like a bizarre way to me to discover how you really feel about them. But 90% of everyone else here will probably disagree.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I'm afraid if it happens too soon, he will lose respect for me, lose interest, and disappear on me. I've been hurt a lot (like everyone else), and I'm just trying to protect myself emotionally. Yeah but the type of guy to do that is going to dissapear if you don't have sex too! I think the fact you're seeing him so often might be a good sign, if I don't like a girl a whole lot I'm not going to be seeing her several nights a week.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 If a girl made me wait a month Id probably just think she was not that interested in me. If I only say her a handful of times that month Id think the same thing. More Id be put off by how unavailable she is. I do recall tbhis school teacher who tried that one time. I say tried because there was definitely interest, I mean wed kiss all night in the car, she wouldnt let me go up or go into my place along the lines of it will go too far. And I dont ask for it, more like yoiu are kissing and your hands wander, and thats when shed say something like I reaaly really want to, but cant yet blah blah blah It was maybe 2 (maybe 3)weeks in, I kind of had enough, and made a date with someone else a few nights before I was supposed to see her. I just remember it being really awkward because something did happen with the new girl, the first girl had said something along the lines that she was ready now, and I broke it off just when she said I was ready now. She was pissed like I want to and now you dont want to? But I wanted to break it off without mentioning the new girl.
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Does his interest in your life and times match up with his interest in your sexual being? Five dates in 14 days is a lot. What's a typical date like? I'll tell you something I've noticed over the years. People, myself included, can keep up appearances for a few months but nearly all of us start slipping back into who we are, if that isn't the person we present initially. The key is noticing those signs and examining them in light of one's increasing emotional investment in the relationship. If sex causes you to invest greatly (it does for some and not for others with an entire range in between), then be cautious. That investment causes you to 'see' things about the relationship differently than if you were an outside observer. I tend to overlook more. Again, everyone is different. If you have a 'one month' rule, and you feel good about this guy after one month, act on that. There is no perfect prescription. Life and living is a gamble. The only sure thing is death
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Wait, so you have 5 - 8 dates in a week with a girl? How is that logistically feasible? Or am I misreading? . Thats why I said almost that many. I really cant think of a time when we dont just keep seeing each other that week, unless its just not there, in which case its over after the first date anyway.
PinkToes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Now that I'm older and oh-so-much wiser, I generally don't have sex outside of some sort of committed relationship -- meaning we're exclusive and plan to be for the forseeable future. Ironically, when I'm really serious about building a relationship with someone, I'll wait longer. It does give you a chance to know someone better before taking that step, which makes it worth waiting for. And if you end up being together for awhile, the time before you actually had sex becomes kind of a nice memory, with the mystery and all.
Tayla Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Lets see how long I've waited, 3 years! OKay thats how long a person can abstain perhaps. SO reality is- Usually 6- 8 months in a new relationship. Like another poster said there is no SET time frame , its a personal choice and one that seems to help in the long run for my love choice. Basically the friendship needs to be worked on, no way can I say I know someone within a month! Intimacy is a personal choice, sex isnt..its primal. Big difference.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Depending on how much it means to you. To me sex is an important thing, and I usually don't do it until I am sure that I am not going to be looking for anyone else at the moment. Sex usually equals to a relationship so be careful. Too soon means you will hurt feelings when you change your mind all of a sudden. There are times when I really wanted to do it, but held back a few months with a clear head because I wanted a long term investment in the relationship. It's not easy :bunny:
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Really depends on what I'm looking for with the guy, I suppose. It's funny, because the ones I cared the most about losing, I waited longer to have sex with (hard for guys to understand, I guess - but the logic being that the sting of losing them would be less if I hadn't had sex with him, yet...besides I was a virgin with my XH). XH waited 3 months and most recent guy I'm dating waited 2 months. xbf from the beginning of this year, we chatted online for 1 month before meeting IRL and we hooked up on the first date. LOL
D-Lish Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Really depends on what I'm looking for with the guy, I suppose. It's funny, because the ones I cared the most about losing, I waited longer to have sex with (hard for guys to understand, I guess - but the logic being that the sting of losing them would be less if I hadn't had sex with him, yet...besides I was a virgin with my XH). XH waited 3 months and most recent guy I'm dating waited 2 months. xbf from the beginning of this year, we chatted online for 1 month before meeting IRL and we hooked up on the first date. LOL I'm the same way. There isn't always reason involved, I normally go by how I feel.
BookerT Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Well if it's a hook up and fling you're looking for then it doesn't matter. If it's a proper relationship then there's no set time frame. Just long enough to know you're not with a jerk, psycho or player. That usually means a few weeks to a few months of observations.
pandagirl Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Well if it's a hook up and fling you're looking for then it doesn't matter. If it's a proper relationship then there's no set time frame. Just long enough to know you're not with a jerk, psycho or player. That usually means a few weeks to a few months of observations. Agreed. Once I start liking a guy enough, I tend to wait until I know he's not a player. I dated a guy for two months this summer and never had sex with him, because I felt like something was off. I was right and I'm glad I didn't have sex with him, because it would've made the break up a lot harder.
now_what Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I was curious about how people felt about sex in a relationship, what the expectations are? How long to wait? How are you perceived if you want to wait or if you want to have sex right away? I am 50 so I really shouldn't care about what people think, but I have only had sex with one person, so this is kind of a scary for me. My ex and I were married for 30 years and had a fairly good sex life for a number of years but towards the end he was just horrible in bed and then at the very end he turned away from me as soon as I got in bed and then I found out he was cheating on me. I was ready and willing to have sex but then he had no interest at all. I was trying to be loving in hope of saving our marriage but he shunned me and had no interest in trying to fix things. If I found someone I really liked I would love to have a sexual relationship, but I would want it to mean something.
thegreatmoose Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Do you go by number of weeks (if so, how many), number of dates (if so, how many), or just whenever it feels right? I must be completely in love with her, which could take awhile. There's no specific amount of time. I'm not a fan of casual sex, so my answer might be longer than many others here.
aerogurl87 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Really depends on what I'm looking for with the guy, I suppose. It's funny, because the ones I cared the most about losing, I waited longer to have sex with (hard for guys to understand, I guess - but the logic being that the sting of losing them would be less if I hadn't had sex with him I agree with SoulSearch, if I really want to try and pursue a relationship with a guy I'll wait longer to have sex with him, usually at least 1 month. If I see him as being nothing more than a fling then I'll have sex with him in as little as a couple of days to one week.
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