TapiocaDexterin Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 He says he doesnt want me back, doesnt want a future with me, but is insisting that we stay friends, and meet up, and that I call him if I need anything, etc etc. Now, my brain is telling me he is just using me to massage his ego as he knows I still love him and would give it another go, but then maybe Im being too harsh and he really does want me as a friend? Would I be stupid to turn away someone offering friendship?
leap83 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 It depends on how you view him. Do you think he's a great person and it would be a shame to not have him in your life? Based on your post, I can't tell whether he is honest or not. Maybe he values you as a person and wants you in his life. He's definitively not offering a second chance though if he was up front about not wanting a future with you etc. So there's no hope there. But there might be some hope in building a friendship if you both view each other as great people. It depends on the situation really.
Confused728 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 i was kind of in the same situation.. i broke up with my ex then wanted to get back with him and he said he didnt want to get back together and work things out. he insisted that we stay freinds and would text almost everyday and would meet up if i wanted, would pretty much do anthing i wanted. but if i asked would we get back together he would say he didnt know what the future would hold, then said he needed time to miss me, and then said he woudlnt rule out gettin back together but he wasnt rushing into anthing..then told me to move on then told me he loved me... So i started on NC and im going on my 8th week and i got an email last week saying " i understand and respect your decision (prob about NC )this hasnt been as easy on me as you think and i have alot of regrets about letting what happened happen"... how would u take this?? My case is diffent from yours cause mine was going out haning with alot of drug addict freinds so im thinking mabey he wanted time to go drug it up with them without me being in the way now wants to come back.. i dont know? but i think they do that incase they change their mind and to keep their foot in the door. i know whenever i dumped a guy i never wanted anything to do with them, once i was done i was done, my ex was even mad when i told him i would do nc, he got mad when i took him off my face book and he made it seem like i was the one that didnt wanna get back with him...
mmk1 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Disclaimer: This is not my original thought but a compilation of great advice from others on LS. He wants to be friends because he is selfish and wants your validation without offering you anything in return. This is solely to feed his ego, let you down easy and keep you in limbo and misery. This meets his needs and totally ignores your needs. Do not accept this half-a** offer. If he does not want a relationship, he will have to do without you completely. His loss!
Author TapiocaDexterin Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 "i know whenever i dumped a guy i never wanted anything to do with them, once i was done i was done" i know i am exactly the same, when im finished I walk away. so i dont know why he says he's done with me but still wants me around.
WiseOne1 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Exactly, see theres got to be some type of diffrence here with the EX's that people do want to stay friends with, we all have had EX's that we've broken up with and once broken up, it was done!! Over!! Never cared to talk to them again nor wanted to!! When any of my past relationships were done, that was it, there was NC made again, no calling, no texting, and nor did I want to be friends with them, it was that simple. It makes you wonder if theres something special that the person feels about YOU, maybe theres something that ties that person to you, for example my EX GF NEVER cared to stay friends with any of her other EX bf's even the ones she dated longer than me, but for some reason she won't accept that I won't be her friend.
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 He says he doesnt want me back, doesnt want a future with me, but is insisting that we stay friends, and meet up, and that I call him if I need anything, etc etc. Now, my brain is telling me he is just using me to massage his ego as he knows I still love him and would give it another go, but then maybe Im being too harsh and he really does want me as a friend? Would I be stupid to turn away someone offering friendship?No matter what his reasons, if you want more than friendship and that's all he has to offer, this isn't the time to be friends. In order to be "real" friends, you have to have moved on, so you can honestly decide if this person would make a good friend or not, without your turbulent emotions affecting your judgement. Explain to him that you need space to move on and that possibly in the distant future, after you've moved on, the two of you might be friends. Wish him a well but maintain your distance with NC.
Oh Moe Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 "i know whenever i dumped a guy i never wanted anything to do with them, once i was done i was done" i know i am exactly the same, when im finished I walk away. so i dont know why he says he's done with me but still wants me around. The women I've dumped I've always stayed in contact with some years later. Always returned their calls, talked to them just never cut things off. Always respected them and was always a gentlemen. The ones who have dumped me I never want to see or talk to again, I disappear forever. Yet I was dumped about three months ago and I just can't get this one out of my mind or move on.
DenverBachelor Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) She wants to be friends so she can reaffirm herself and boost her ego and make sure you're still pawing after her. She wants to dig your corpse out of the grave and play with it. Just like a cat that paws a mouse around log after it is dead. She wants to make sure you're still on the back burner so she has someone to lean on between every one of her failed relationships. I don't understand why you have a problem with this. If you truly loved her, you'd let her take a dump on your face and then thank her for the opportunity. Walmart probably has a doormat with your face on it that she bought so she can wipe her feet on it every time she gets back to the house. Not to mention the dart board available at your nearest Sporting Goods store that has your face on it. She probably laughs when she nails your eyes. I would suggest you allow her to continue to punch you in the gut and rip your heart out and make slurpees with it because you love her and that's what people do when they truly love someone. So the next time you see a bus coming down the street, make sure you take a look behind and make sure she's not about to toss you under it. Ps: Go to Barnes and Noble and buy a book called, "The Art of Seduction -- A Man's guide to Winning Any Woman." Read it twice and then find out her closest friends. Use the tactics in the book and try to land some serious ass with at least half of them. Is her mother single? Sister? All is fair in love and war .... don't hold back -- you need to send her a clear message that you still love her and nothing does that better than this. Edited November 26, 2009 by DenverBachelor
mmk1 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Denver, I have not laughed so hard in years! Hilarious and right on!!
Confused728 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 i think the case with mine also was that he didnt like having to answer to me, he wanted to go out and do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted and be able to tell me it was non of my bussiness... they want their cake and eat it too... i think he still wanted me around for everthing he even said once he wanted everthing to stay the same expect the titiles that way it would absolve him of any responsiblity of having to compromise on anything.
threebyfate Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Denver, I have not laughed so hard in years! Hilarious and right on!!Hush, don't encourage him. He's just a little, tiny bit bitter, right now.
Von Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Disclaimer: This is not my original thought but a compilation of great advice from others on LS. He wants to be friends because he is selfish and wants your validation without offering you anything in return. This is solely to feed his ego, let you down easy and keep you in limbo and misery. This meets his needs and totally ignores your needs. Do not accept this half-a** offer. If he does not want a relationship, he will have to do without you completely. His loss! I wish I had followed this simple advice when my ex broke up with me, wanted to stay friends, then strung me along for 2 months. After I pushed one last time to start dating again, which was a big mistake on my part, she ended it completely. I'm now 1 month of NC. I feel so much better even though I miss her and regret what happened. Listen to this people! When they want to stay friends after dumping you, don't do it! Walk away!
carhill Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 He's just a little, tiny bit bitter, right nowOr, as my bf says, 'bitter, much?' Would I be stupid to turn away someone offering friendship? If it's not healthy for you, then do what is healthy for you. You are not required to accept the friendship of anyone who offers it to you. Women taught me this lesson
Von Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 She wants to be friends so she can reaffirm herself and boost her ego and make sure you're still pawing after her. She wants to dig your corpse out of the grave and play with it. Just like a cat that paws a mouse around log after it is dead. She wants to make sure you're still on the back burner so she has someone to lean on between every one of her failed relationships. I don't understand why you have a problem with this. If you truly loved her, you'd let her take a dump on your face and then thank her for the opportunity. Walmart probably has a doormat with your face on it that she bought so she can wipe her feet on it every time she gets back to the house. Not to mention the dart board available at your nearest Sporting Goods store that has your face on it. She probably laughs when she nails your eyes. I would suggest you allow her to continue to punch you in the gut and rip your heart out and make slurpees with it because you love her and that's what people do when they truly love someone. So the next time you see a bus coming down the street, make sure you take a look behind and make sure she's not about to toss you under it. Ps: Go to Barnes and Noble and buy a book called, "The Art of Seduction -- A Man's guide to Winning Any Woman." Read it twice and then find out her closest friends. Use the tactics in the book and try to land some serious ass with at least half of them. Is her mother single? Sister? All is fair in love and war .... don't hold back -- you need to send her a clear message that you still love her and nothing does that better than this. Omg this is the LS post of the year! Freakin hilarious and true! Dumpers suck big time! Haha
Tayla Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Denver, I have not laughed so hard in years! Hilarious and right on!! ANd I pray the laughter is over the sheer lunacy of the commentary. Most mature adults who enter a relationship that was built on friendship and not lust, can come out of it as decent civil friends. Unfortunately when some relationships end due to hurtful behavior (cheating, lies, deceit, abuse), then its fine to move on and not look back. Would a real friend be any of those hurtful things? I doubt it. The original poster seemed to not have the bitterness associated with the breakup so much as the confusion of "can there be freindship after dating" ... ANswer: Yes if you can rise above the heart and realize that they are human and have some valuable assets, maybe they were a good listener, good humored, or carried traits that can still be appreciated.
mmk1 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) Tayla, I was most sincere. It is my belief that you CANNOT be friends with your ex unless the breakup was mutual and neither of you have feelings for each other, was is almost never the case. I was best friends with my ex for three years before our three year R. However, once you crossed the line from friends to lovers, IMHO you can never go back. Yes, your ex had wonderful qualities that attracted you to them as both friend and lover, but the fact that someone got dumped and is hurting trumps all those good qualities. In fact, I think it is extremely selfish for a dumper to want to be friends with an ex or expect a dumpee to be friends knowing the dumpee wants more than that. Just my opinion. If you're able to be friends with your ex, good for you. That is the exception and almost always that will not be the case. Edited November 26, 2009 by mmk1
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