lilbelle Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 please read my thread in second chances posted today... I'm such a moron. But, I want to write to the dumpees and dumpers because technically I was both, i know it's confussing... NC worked for us. It was 3 long weeks... I mean it almost killed me. I almost broke it several times. But coming here and writing it out helped and you guys really helped me alot. So ex found me, he always does, how I do not know. But he did, and we went home together and I enjoyed being with him again and I know he enjoyed it as well. there was a difference, he noticed how strong I was, that I wasn't going to be pushed around and he tested it and the waters. I still made lve to him but refused to talk about the past, he talked I listened and stopped him when I thought we were too drunk to discuss anymore. I am trying to go slow but really all I want is my lover back, i don't want a boyfriend, a husband, just my lover so as a man would do I am playing the player role and he will have to abide by it. This is his test as well, if he wants commitment I will give it as essentially I already am, just no drama. Parying, sex, leave it at that. Knowing him he will not go long like this and be forced to admit his feelings for me because he will see that as long as this continues I am free to date. This is a strange way of doing things I know and he is strange period so I have had to adjust my whole relationship attitude.. Regardless, stick to nc, if they want you they will find you.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 But everyone keeps saying NC is to let go and move on and not to get your ex back I guess I don't want NC cos I don't want to let go, yet. Hope things work out for you
Author lilbelle Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I never wanted to let go, but one thing NC did for both of us was... 1. appreciate each other for what we both brought to the relationship 2. get our thoughts clear about the situation 3. help us both let go of past relationships that clouded our trust with one another 4. decide if we really wanted to be together and if it is worth the investment 5. it gave us time to really miss one another but prove we could survive without each other... this is big for him as he needed to know I can take care of myself, why I don't know as I always have... again past relationship bs. 6. heal from the negative words and focus on the happy us 7. wonder about each other and if the other one missed us. yes we both did 8. open up better, decide that fighting is stooooopid! 9. cherish every moment we see each other. While we are still back in a fragile stage, it has become clearer on all levels. he is talking sbout the future, i will not discuss until he commits. he will eventually figure this out. He is smart and I am smarter... lol
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