lilbelle Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Okay, so last friday night ex shows up at bar. I avoid, I turn around he taps my glass with his. I say nothing grab my purse go outside and smoke. He walks up to bar, orders a drink, makes long eye contact, shakes his head, gets drinks walks off. So later I am drunk and we start talking and I am basically professing my love to his bf and saying I just want him to be happy. Ex is like I'm sorry I have issues, I didn't call the cops. Tells me I was harrassing him. So I'm like I wasn't harrassing you, your being silly and you don't speak to me for weeks with no explanation. I walk away cause I just wanted to cry. Go to bar get shots with random people. He goes to other side, watches me. I get up and somehow in my drunken state end up in his car and at his house. We have sex. He says he missed me, wanted to talk, I'm drunk don't want to argue, just want to enjoy the moment so I am like lets forget the past and live in the present, he is like exactly, then all of a sudden he says, I'm trying to convince you I'm a dick. I laugh, cause yeah I know that... Anyway, sex again but it's emotional for him I think, he was talking alot, he normally never does this, kept asking me if it felt good, calling me pet names, kisses me everywhere, breathing into me, etc. So we sleep, sex again in the morning. Told him I was still on bc. He said something about getting a workout and then said he just wants to please me, it doesn't matter if he gets off. So anyway, I sleep, he showers, wakes me up later, drives to the car. We talked about my move, he says he would like to come up and show me around my new city since he's from there, I didn't say anything, cause here we go, talking future plans... ugh. Anyway, he says something like ... you can stalk me. I say not gonna happen, he says, i know where to find you... I say not for long. We kiss he drives off. 2 days later I text him, he answers back. 2 more texts, nothing relavent but shows that he is open to speaking normally again. Okay, so last night I get drunk with a frat buddy of his who wants to date me, buddy doesn't know about me and ex so I politely tell him I am loyal to ex and he is my lover and I am trying to be patient wth him. Buddy is like, damn, he is one lucky sob. So I get home and I'm raging with hormones and totally drunk so I sext him this msg that basically says I want him to meet me tonight and bang the hell out of me.... omg what did I do!!! anyway, no reponse today. So I get back in town, text him, ask if he got my msg... no response, so text again, tell him Im sorry for the offensive msg that it's my last wknd in town and I want to c him, wish him happy tday and tell him to call me sometime. Here is the problem. First off, he is my lover. The only lover I want. I do not want a relationship due to the fact I am moving. That and it's too complicated. I do love him but I will not emotionally go through that again until he can commit unconditionally. Second, when we are together he does things that make me think he wants me in his life for a while, like making future plans, talking about the future with me, opening up about his issues which I should have really let him talk about but we were both drunk. Third, I am feeling really pissed that he has not answered my texts today. Why does he do this? Am I beng to quick to judge? Should I expect him to answer back immediately? Fourth, I am implimentng nc again, I can't take another bruise on my heart, he said it himself, he knows where to find me. I guess I need a male perspective, is he just scared, or what? why one second say you miss me and then say you are trying to convince me your a dick. Second, if he doesn't love some part of me then why would he miss me. I never said it back, in fact other than at the bar I didn't talk about my feelings at all, I let him get emotional but played it cool. The sex was amazing and he essentially made love to me and kissed me all over and really took me all in. He has only done this one other time and I mean we have done it alot. The last time he did this he opened up to me and told me I was an angel and he couldn't believe he had met me and that he wanted to take care of me.... I'm over analyzing, I know. PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE MY HEART GETS SUCKER PUNCHED AGAIN!
Author lilbelle Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Update, he just text and says, he is in home city will be home friday and I act like I am moving to another planet. I reply back that I am and he knows how to find me
TheLoneSock Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 At first sight I thought this said "I'm such a mormon" Which clearly you are not at all. Yes, you are a moron. Grow a brain.
name witheld Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I think maybe he used you. Although bit confused if that is the case as he did a lot to please you.
Author lilbelle Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I think he is not using me. He has contacted me today as well, made sure to tell me when he was coming home, answers texts back promptly... Maybe I used him... nah. I think we are both scared and fragile. His interest has definately increased. I'm just gonna go slow, although it's hard when we are together as the physical attraction is incredible but we are amazing lovers so I'm not complaining. I did tell him today I was grateful for him and will never take him for granted again. I think it is helping him understand that I never want to hurt him and he is all I want in a partner, so I'm gonna sit back, relax and let karma take over. I expect we will see each other tommorow as I told him I wanted to see him and he replied when he would be home from his hliday. I am hoping his heart will let me in and this won't be such a one sided street. It's alot to ask this early in the relationship so I'm going t go at a snails pace. Slow and steady wins the race.
name witheld Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Well I suppose if he keeps moving towards you then that is a good sign. I hope this is the beginning of your second chance.
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