I don't Understand

[thatguy90]

Well I will try to keep this short,

 

I was dating my ex-girlfriend under 1.5 years, everything was going very well we had plans for the future and everything. We talked about where we would want to live and move in together and basically all the stuff a regular couple does when they are madly in love with each other.

 

She wanted her old best friend (which is a guy), who had liked her for sometime, but told her that he had no feelings for he and everything, back in her life. I told her that its up to her, it's her friend not my friend, just make me a promise that you will never let things get out of hand between the two of you, and she did say yes to that promise. She also added that she will never ever consider to date this guy. I believed her, and didn't honestly care for the guy as long as it didn't effect our relationship.

 

Then about 3-4 months ago ... I went through a tough period in my life, I had family issue, some of my family went in to the hospital and I couldn't deal with the stress of that plus school and working about 20-25 hours a week. So i leaned on my girl friend for support, she did give me some, but she was very busy and we barely saw each other, due to we go to different school's and stuff. But I had become very sad, and well I found it hard to be happy in front of her, since so much was going on in my life, and the fact that she was not willing to do stuff which she use to do, like busing home together, having s*x as much (as odd as it sounds sex usually helps with realizing stress.), also she didn't have voice convo's with me anymore and didn't tease me as much.

 

That is just the tip of the ice berg, her old best friend, became her best friend again, and well I didn't feel comfortable about that, and i told her this and well she didn't do much, she said that she can't choose between me or him, and I was like, ok its ok, i will just get use to it. But he went out and bought her stuff, which usually i would buy her as a gift so she would feel special and stuff, and they tend to bus home together alot, and he go out of his way to stay with her and stuff, I told her that yes they might be friends but i think he is putting moves on you and well ... she didn't listen, so i became sadder and sadder because i felt like i was losing my girlfriend and that she was doing nothing at all to try and stay in the relationship. Everytime i wanted to bus home with her alone ... he would be there and i was like can we get off please and catch another bus so we can have time alone together, and she was like "no ... I need to get home I have way to much school work to do" ... latter that night i would sign on MSN and say hey, do you want a video convo, she would say "sorry I am already having one" (With her best friend who is playing the piano for her).

 

I will say this here, when this guy was just friends and they didn't talk as much, the relationship was fine, actually it was perfect, couldn't have been any better.

 

Anyways ... I started to smother her (I didn't realize this at first) ... but i did it anyways and well caused her to want out of the relationship, this was after about a month and a half of being sad. I would text her each morning and stuff and different stuff. But it was just my way of trying to get her attention back, i think the best thing i could have done was not pay attention to her and just make her realize what she is doing.

 

So then the relationship ended, with her saying she doesn't want a boy friend for a while (like a year or two just to be single and just enjoy the single life). That she still wants to be friends because she does care a lot about me and stuff.

 

So a few weeks go by, we would have the odd convo and bump into each other and talk, nothing major. Then I found out, she started either liking or loving she keeps switching words, her old best friend, and well i was not happy with her because well ... she promised that nothing would ever come between them. But after a week or so I sent her an email saying I am sorry, I can't control who you like/love, i am sorry for reacting like that.

 

Then latter that week, she sends me an email asking if we would like to talk to each other, I said well I have a bit of free time so ok. I went and talked to her, and well she started saying sorry I just don't know what came over me that I started to like him, I don't understand how he can do that to me and make me like him again. And well I got mad stood up and began to leave and she grabbed me back and sat me right back down. She said that he does not like me back, and he doesn't want it between them. She then turned to me and said something I didn't expect her to say, "You are the perfect guy for me, well before you had become very sad and had to deal with all that stress back then. I can still see us together in the future, with everything we wanted. But right now I want to experience life a bit, and do different stuff with out a serious relationship, but once I grow up, you are perfect for me." This put me into shock ... Complete and utter shock ... I didn't know what to say to her, I try to continue to talk to her, but it raddled me, and my thoughts became so scrabbled. Its been a little bit from then and we talked like we use to a few times, and well she asked me to go do something with her latter this week, I checked my schedule and said sure. We have not gone to the thing yet, but I will go and see how everything ends up, I will try to keep my emotion's under control.

 

I just worry that when I was sad, I might have acted like I wanted out of the relationship, I did one time ... and I do regret me saying this ... i said i had a hard time trusting her with her best friend. I just worry that some of my actions might have made her feel like I was not interested in her, and that I was just trying to control her and bring her down. Which I was not, I was just acting out of fear and being stressed to the max and dealing with a ton of emotions.

 

I just don't know what I can do.

[HLP234]

You gotta be careful when girls have best friends as guys. I'm not saying all girls will fall for them, but they can deffinately affect relationships.

If you read my post on here Labeled "What is there to do?" You'll see I am in the same situation.

 

At one point, they can talk to their best friend fine and dandy and you won't notice anything..well as soon as she is away from her best friend(guy) she will realize she misses him. Then you have a problem, like I do. Apparently they have a connection that she does not see anymore with you because she is blinded by the best friend behavior.

 

If she goes and talks to him about problems instead of you, than that will make her less interested in you. Because he is the one making her feel better. Its normal to talk to friends about that stuff, but to a certain extent, especially if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

 

At one point she will say she is confused and wont know what she wants. Then you start to worry and it goes down hill. You need to talk to her, give her time, and let her know that if she has something to tell you not to hide it.

 

Good luck though, I'm still waiting for my gf to make up her mind and it hurts a lot.

 

Oh and one more thing..the best friend will always be dumb and say stuff like " I guess we need to stop talking because it is affecting your decision/relationship with your boyfriend." That's just something stupid to say, trying to make him seem like a really nice guy, which he may be, but they do this so that your girl will feel bad and not leave him out there completely and go straight back to you.

Edited November 26, 2009 by HLP234

[thatguy90]

Hi, I have read your post's it is similar to mine, but the only major difference that we broke it off, and she wants to be friends. But here is the curve ball, she still talks to me about getting married, I know that she dreams of us being together and stuff like that, I do feel the same way. But here is where we have different views, she can put me off so she can go and do other things and experience life and stuff, which is totally fine with me and I understand, I need to experience life as well and to get my life back on track so i can do well in school. Just so you know, she does not want a serious relationship right now like what we had, just to go see other stuff and to not have to deal with a stress of the relationship, she thinks that being friends is a better option so she does not have to worry as much about me ... and stuff like that ... i don't know anymore i just think i have over thought the situation... anyways thanks for the advice.

[HLP234]

Your welcome. Just focus on yourself now, forget her as much as you can. She will prolly still try and be friends with you so that she does not feel so bad about what happened. Now if you both decide to talk and see if you can get back together later, that's great.

 

For the most part, I dunno why girls can't just be straight forward with stuff. They tell you they dont lie or do mysterious things but they end up doing that stuff anyway without realizing it. I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore..it sucks to be in this position.

 

Apparently we are on a break but we are still together, and she always contacts me first all the time. She then asks why I'm not talking, when she is the one that said she doesn't know what she wants and she needs time.

You can't worry too much though, you are right. Though sitting here waiting, a million things may go through your head, and maybe if you are lucky that stuff is just random worries that shouldn't be focused on.

[thatguy90]

I will try my best, but it is hard ... she is my first love ... and well I was very picky on choosing a girl for my first girl friend and well it happened to be a girl which I shared a lot in common, similar features personality wise, we can make each other laugh without even trying all that hard and stuff. We hung around today and well, i figured out a lot of different stuff, she wants to be friends, but have a future together as a couple. Now that is the future, and it is very unpredictable ... we originally agreed not to date each other ... look what happened ... we dated, fell in love and wanted a future together. She can say that we have not lost the future together, and say that she still wants it, but ... honestly if she wants it ... how can she prove to me that it will be true, she can say it ... and write it ... i believe her ... but ... here are the two messages that she gives me:

 

1) I want to go experience life and do different things, and do stuff which I have not really had an opportunity to do.

 

2) I want to be with you, once I have done those things and enjoyed single life and everything. You are perfect for me, you are everything I ever wanted in a guy. I can see us having kids together and stuff.

 

I totally understand number 1, its understandable, we only really live once and you need an opportunity to experience life a bit and different stuff. I wont be mad at that but ... here is the problem, you want number 2 also. Number 2 is a long journey, yes some couples do part and then get back together, but if you are hopping for that you are putting all your eggs in one basket, which then she wants to be friends (Which would make sure we stay in contact with each other and we can go out and do different stuff to keep that goal alive maybe). Problem with that ... the goal might disappear ... and you will just like it as friends and never want to move back up to a relationship. I know I think way to much ... I use to not think all that much, like I would think about a decision and just go with it, and what felt right and different stuff.

 

I am lost emotionaly right now, apart of me wants her back.

[blackbear_703]

Hey thatguy and HLP--

I read both of your stories and they sound very similar, if not identical to my own.

 

My own girlfriend and I broke up after we had a huge blow-up over a guy friend of hers. Two weeks ago this guy, a co-worker of hers, started leaving "Love ya/Miss ya" messages on her Facebook and naturally, I wanted to know who this guy was. As it turned out, she has been very close with him for well over a year now and it would seem much closer than she and I were. On a site of his, I saw all the comments she left for him, such as "Noone in the world understands me right now except you," "I need you to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be ok," "I love you," and things like that.

 

When I confronted her about it, she was naturally VERY p***ed, accusing me of being "paranoid and jealous," "not respecting her right to be friends with whoever she wants," "etc. Which was not true at all since I was even ok with not only her having guy friends, but was even ok with her going on a skinny dip with some girl and guy friends last year! She also pointed out that guy has a girlfriend and she's well aware of the friendship between the two of them....a fact I was able to confirm a few days later when this lady added me on Facebook and I saw pics of the three of them together. Both she and her boyfriend already knew who I was and even invited me over sometime.

 

The day after the blow-up my girlfriend broke up with me and that was that. Except for the emotional outpouring last week in which she said all the things to me she said to him.

 

It's really hard to understand sometimes how women feel about guy friends since we guys tend to focus on one kind of love only. Different men have different meanings for a woman and all we can do is accept it as part of the package. It's a mystery really.....

 

I wish you guys all the best of luck and hope everything works out for the best.

[EskimoPassingBy]

One thing my friend told me that is very true and applies here. Us guys are able to see when others are hitting on our girlfriends/ex but they think its no big deal. My ex had about 2 guys that likes her and 1 that I suspected of liking her. I heard about how she held a belt behind him while he laid on the rock. Him carrying her over his shoulders from her waist. And all that crap. Even now I don't know if she likes him back. I asked her that during the break up and she said 'I hope not' and 'I don't think so'. Doesn't seem like confident things to say.

 

The part about first love and pickiness is exactly like me. I get how you feel but you can't be friends with her yet, at this point. So theres no point contacting her. You don't want to hear whatever she says. I tried being friends and it doesn't help at all.

[blackbear_703]

One thing my friend told me that is very true and applies here. Us guys are able to see when others are hitting on our girlfriends/ex but they think its no big deal. My ex had about 2 guys that likes her and 1 that I suspected of liking her. I heard about how she held a belt behind him while he laid on the rock. Him carrying her over his shoulders from her waist. And all that crap. Even now I don't know if she likes him back. I asked her that during the break up and she said 'I hope not' and 'I don't think so'. Doesn't seem like confident things to say.

 

The part about first love and pickiness is exactly like me. I get how you feel but you can't be friends with her yet, at this point. So theres no point contacting her. You don't want to hear whatever she says. I tried being friends and it doesn't help at all.

Very good point. Also women sometimes like a brotherly/fatherly type of love in their platonic relationships and we guys can usually tell right away if the other guy has something else in mind. Of course that also goes the other way around for the "sister" relationships some guys have with their female friends.

 

This is the way it was with my ex. She told me that guy was "like a brother" to her and I can't help but notice their own platonic friendship flared up not long after she and her real-life brother stopped speaking for over 1 1/2 years. As a matter of fact, they only started speaking again just a month ago.

 

Sadly enough, we guys try to warn our girls about this and it too often gets interpreted as jealousy....

[HLP234]

You know what, I think I figured out what happened sorta. At one time, when we first started dating, we were spontanious, random, saying stupid **** just to make people laugh..at least I was. I realized this when talking to a good friend tonight about my gf and our situation.

 

My friend told me, dude I haven't talked to you in a year but you dont sound like you used to..you are all serious about school and work and everything else. You need the old you back. I think that is why my gf sees this connection with her best friend.

 

Before we dated, I always made her laugh, did random ****, said random things, talked about pointless stuff. Now that I'm a lead developer in school on many projects, my senior year ending, I have turned into a complete robot!!

 

The worst part is I need a template or example on how to do everything, even things I used to do before. I have lost myself somehow by trying to do everything perfect for her because I love her so much, by thinking too much instead of doing. I've been focusing on so much school work, my career in the future, without actually living like I used to.

 

The worst part is I want my old self back and I don't know how to go about it. This is who she wants, the old me + the relationship me right now mixed together. That's the connection I think she is looking for. I'm torn because I dunno how to get myself back

[blackbear_703]

You know what, I think I figured out what happened sorta. At one time, when we first started dating, we were spontanious, random, saying stupid **** just to make people laugh..at least I was. I realized this when talking to a good friend tonight about my gf and our situation.

 

My friend told me, dude I haven't talked to you in a year but you dont sound like you used to..you are all serious about school and work and everything else. You need the old you back. I think that is why my gf sees this connection with her best friend.

 

Before we dated, I always made her laugh, did random ****, said random things, talked about pointless stuff. Now that I'm a lead developer in school on many projects, my senior year ending, I have turned into a complete robot!!

 

The worst part is I need a template or example on how to do everything, even things I used to do before. I have lost myself somehow by trying to do everything perfect for her because I love her so much, by thinking too much instead of doing. I've been focusing on so much school work, my career in the future, without actually living like I used to.

 

The worst part is I want my old self back and I don't know how to go about it. This is who she wants, the old me + the relationship me right now mixed together. That's the connection I think she is looking for. I'm torn because I dunno how to get myself back

Try resurrecting some old hobbies that you haven't done in a while and going to places you haven't been in forever. Also get out old pictures of yourself a few years ago and compare them to ones of you today. Notice how different things are and what you'd like to get back. As you rediscover your past, be sure to post about it on Facebook where your ex will notice;)

 

I think that is largely the problem with my ex and I. We've known each other for over six years now (three years as friends, three as a couple) and when we first met I was really into kung-fu movies, Japan and Japanese culture, computer games, and so on. She was a pretty cute girl who always dressed kinda athletic, was a teacher's aide, and wanted to see the world. We were both 22, young, and dumb.

 

Now at 28 we stressed ourselves out way too much over marriage, she has a pretty stressful corporate job now, I haven't watched kung-fu movies in forever, and she has turned into a very depressed, ice-cold person in a suit. Or at least she is at work anyway. Outside the workplace she's a neo-hippie! hahaha....We've both put our dreams on the backburner to focus on keeping money saved and so she can advance her career.

 

After reading some of our old e-mails from a few years ago, I've wondered if we could've stayed together if we had just found a way to get back what we had both in terms of the relationship and ourselves. Maybe that's what she was telling me in regards to this whole friendship thing and otherwise.

[bluestraps]

Sounds like theres alot of drama in your situation. I dont think your relationship is worth saving.

[HLP234]

Its not just drama, its just stuff that once you become so involved in many other things, you tend to loose yourself. I will tell her what I figured out the best I can and how I plan to go about it. IF she still does not make up her mind in about another week, then I'll let her know she cant tell me to wait while she leaves me in the dark. This means she is just utterly confused and doesn't know herself or what she wants anymore either.

[blackbear_703]

Sadly enough, you may be right (in regards to mine). I guess time will tell....

[thatguy90]

Well see here is the problem for me ... I can't be my old self in front of her. She said if I was my old self like near our one year anniversary I am the perfect guy for her. I don't know if she see's the problem with that, I have to be dating her to do some of those things because if she thinks oh were friends and this is him being friendly, then I would lose my chance to get her back. I am going NC for a few weeks, I still do care about her deep down inside of me ... and also I still like her, when we hung around I wanted to be holding her hand, I almost blew her a kiss ... and she almost grabbed my hands ... this is driving me nuts. That is why I am going NC, I am tempted to write her a letter on how I feel, just drop it off at her house when she is not around, and tell her parents just to put it in her room. She did write me a letter, and basically told me our dreams of being together in the future. But that she wants to experience life ... she is a great girl ... nothing wrong with her ... just that we are way to young for a extermly serious relationship ... but we both wanted a few months ago was a serious relationship ... oh well ... people change what they want in life ... I know I want a girl like her in my future and well she said the same about me.

[HLP234]

Yeh its a different situation after its already over vs. you waiting for her because she needs time/space. I will I guess give it one more week until I make my ultimatum..can't be sitting here worrying about a crap load of things wondering what she is doing or thinking because that is what I am doing now.

 

I don't make contact with her, she calls or texts me first. Then asks why I haven't talked to her all day..well its what she wanted I suppose. Or maybe she wants me to chase her? I have no idea anymore to tell you the truth.

[jaydumped]

Sounds as if the whole thing with the other guy failed so she has gone back to you as plan B, i would tell her that i want to be single again for a while too. My ex told me a similar thing when she asked me if she could speak to a guy other than me i said ok, she then me that it her and the guy had previously hooked up b4. I said that what ever you can do i will do too.

I think that your girlfriends best friend was like a happy escape from the sad shell of you that you became after your family issues. But you have to try not to show that to your girl that it brings you down or make your problems hers. I pushed my ex away because i was having family problems too and i regret is very much so, Your girl can bring you up above the clouds but if you make the problem a part of her world when she has much going on too it does burden a relationship, but this isnt an excuse for her actions, simply coming back to you because she didnt like what was out on the market does no seem fair to you.

[jaydumped]

You gotta be careful when girls have best friends as guys. I'm not saying all girls will fall for them, but they can deffinately affect relationships.

If you read my post on here Labeled "What is there to do?" You'll see I am in the same situation.

 

At one point, they can talk to their best friend fine and dandy and you won't notice anything..well as soon as she is away from her best friend(guy) she will realize she misses him. Then you have a problem, like I do. Apparently they have a connection that she does not see anymore with you because she is blinded by the best friend behavior.

 

If she goes and talks to him about problems instead of you, than that will make her less interested in you. Because he is the one making her feel better. Its normal to talk to friends about that stuff, but to a certain extent, especially if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

 

At one point she will say she is confused and wont know what she wants. Then you start to worry and it goes down hill. You need to talk to her, give her time, and let her know that if she has something to tell you not to hide it.

 

Good luck though, I'm still waiting for my gf to make up her mind and it hurts a lot.

 

Oh and one more thing..the best friend will always be dumb and say stuff like " I guess we need to stop talking because it is affecting your decision/relationship with your boyfriend." That's just something stupid to say, trying to make him seem like a really nice guy, which he may be, but they do this so that your girl will feel bad and not leave him out there completely and go straight back to you.

 

 

Totally true on this one, my Ex rebounded to a guy and there whole connection was that they both just recently went through a breakup. We men a shady as we will simply use anything to get to a girl, this dude did, things ended abruptly when she realised they had nothing in common or a connection except that they both were going through heartbreak or he at least pretended he was.

[HLP234]

Well at one point he was mad at her for something..she never told me because we don't talk much since we've been on a break. She's been making plans to hang out with me and see me because she misses me but we don't get a chance and that makes me think she is somewhat putting it off or something.

 

I found out that they may be talking to each other again. I told her a friend would not leave her and she was so worried about loosing a best friend. I've never acted differently before so I dunno why she has to bring this up now after she is here closer to me.

 

I do notice I may not have been the same person in terms of randomness and stuff like that and I blame that on college and work but I'll tell her this if we ever get to hang out.

 

I think she wants me to make a decision and take responsibility here but I'm not sure what my options are. My only workable option is to tell her she has time to think what she wants to do but not to leave me in the dark.

 

Why is she contacting me first all the time, everyday, and having pointless little convos with me that don't really result in much except oh we may hang out tomm or the next day? I thought a break meant we don't talk for a bit and let each other see how much we miss each other/figure out what is wrong??

Edited November 27, 2009 by HLP234

[thatguy90]

Sounds as if the whole thing with the other guy failed so she has gone back to you as plan B, i would tell her that i want to be single again for a while too. My ex told me a similar thing when she asked me if she could speak to a guy other than me i said ok, she then me that it her and the guy had previously hooked up b4. I said that what ever you can do i will do too.

I think that your girlfriends best friend was like a happy escape from the sad shell of you that you became after your family issues. But you have to try not to show that to your girl that it brings you down or make your problems hers. I pushed my ex away because i was having family problems too and i regret is very much so, Your girl can bring you up above the clouds but if you make the problem a part of her world when she has much going on too it does burden a relationship, but this isnt an excuse for her actions, simply coming back to you because she didnt like what was out on the market does no seem fair to you.

 

Well i know what you are saying ... I do regret it as well, and I wish I never had put her through that. But she telling me that I am the guy for her (when I wasn't sad) latter in life ... and she can still picture having kids and doing different stuff which we use to do ... I have told her I can't be friends ... atleast for right now ... which was one thing she wanted, but she has to realize I still have emotions for her and that saying that makes me want her so much more ... also here last sentence was " I hope we do get together again". It's not fair to the both of us if I like her ... its not fair to me because I like her ... and its not fair to her because I will have a hard time reading her and take things the wrong way. It is better for the both of us, and if she meant what she wrote, this will either make her realize what she will lose (come back to me) or she will just leave me and not care about me and move on with her life, from what she has told me she doesn't want to lose me ... and I don't want to lose her ... she is a great girl, she is everything i wanted in a girl. But she has to realize what a relationship is about ... its about the love and all the nice stuff which comes from being in a relationship, but also dedication, last year she went through family issues and well I never left her because I was like if I leave her for this reason I am just an ass, we will work through this and go and do different stuff to get her mind off of it, and well after her issues were solved ... we fell so much more in love with each other ... and I have to say this ... if she stayed with me (i know i was wrong to put her through all the stuff that I did but...) I would know that she is perfect and that would have made me fall so much more in love with her ... but she left ... and it leaves me in a difficult situation ... do I want her back? and do i want to be her friend? ... like is it just to comfort her so she can get over me ... or just so she can see that I am me again ... it leaves to many questions going through my head ... i will just not talk to her for a bit, and see what happens.

[HLP234]

It seems I made things kinda worse by telling her that I feel like Im being left out of the decision. She said its something she wants to fix on her own. So I guess Im suppose to just wait and not worry. She wants me to not worry!

 

I told her if we are on a break than why did you want to talk to me and she said she misses me and wanted to see how I was doing. She still says she loves me but she needs me to just let it be and it should happen by itself.

 

Whatever that means, I just don't get why she doesn't understand that I want to talk things out with her, she refuses it. If it was up to me I wouldn't talk to her at all during our break but she contacts me first and starts talking.

She just says she wants to just talk and she said I don't let her talk I want her to think about what decision she has to make when she doesn't want to worry about that right now.

 

Since she moved here she is scared to drive to my house so she keeps saying she wants to see me but it never happens. I just wish I could figure this all out and basically what I was talking to her about was that I'm not gonna sit here and wait around while she just sits there as well. I mean when we do talk its not even the same as we used to and she said thats how it was before, but I know for sure it wasn't we would have fun conversations..now that we are on break its "yeh", "oh i ok", "alright." There's really no point for this, I even try bringing up convos and she says its not interesting and stupid stuff, but before I didn't even have to try so hard to get a convo going..

[thatguy90]

my suggestion is to break it off ... if you are meant to be you two will be back together in the future. It will show her that you don't need her ... that will make her want you back, that is how some girls work ... also keep in mind say in a few months or a year you can be back to friends. Then if you two hit it off again, then you are back together, is anyone complaining if you are?

[HLP234]

Well after her birthday she seemed quite happy again. But today I screwed things up again.

 

I got up, went to school..I'ma leader in two major senior college projects and I am in charge of one class basically. Everyone was on my ass today, including professors and other group members.

 

She asked to hang out, we went to my house...we started fooling around and she said she didn't want to do anything yet because it will cloud her mind more. This made me more upset and frustrated but i didn't show it.

 

Then someone from school called and asked for some school stuff and I got upset and angry at them and she got scared and now she thinks thats how I will be in the future.

 

Now she says she doesn't know what she is deciding and this anger tonight that I had set her back even more. I told her I'm not like this I just have been really stressed lately. She doesn't realize the break and the best friend connection she told me about stressed me and then school stressed me...and today other people just set me off.

 

I'm so bummed now and I feel like crap Seems like when things seem to kinda get better, they just get worse over something she does not understand.

[thatguy90]

If she has not made a decision yet, its not fair to you, because A) you still like her.

Take time away from her, go with your buddies and stuff, if she still loves you she will come running back to you. Yes as guys we feel its our duty to fix things when they are wrong, but in some cases we get used or we make it worse. So here is what you have to do, are you two still 'dating' or on the 'break'? If you two are on a break, when she asks you to hang around, ask yourself A) Am I going to be myself around her? (Like in all possible situations) B) Am I stressed right now C) can I fit her into my schedule? (Since you seem to be a very busy person, take some me time). Go to the gym, go to the movies with friends, do something other than waiting for her. I wanted for her and it only made me sadder and push her away even further. Once I started going to the gym I felt better and was more myself around other people I was happier and making a lot of jokes and stuff like i use to do.

 

But it has gone to the point I wasted a month trying to figure out what can I do to get her back, just this past weekend I realized that the only thing I can do ... is to let her go ... she knows where she ****ed up ... and I know where I ****ed up ... we have to start at a friend level if we ever want to be back in a relationship. Because in my situation if we are meant to be ... we will get back together in the future, not right now. I am basically not talking to her for a bit, yes she knows I still like her, so I have a problem that I can't go to her in a week, I have to go a good deal of time without talking to her, I know she still cares for me ... because she still likes hearing from me.

 

But my suggestion ... give it time, if she hasn't made her decision, then just give her the space she needs, don't hang around with all the time she asks, like if she asks one day just say "Oh me and the guys are about to go bowling (something which you do)" this shows her that you don't need her and this will make her come back to you in some situations, when my ex heard about that she started to talk to me more, but it didn't help to hear from her I just kinda thought I was ok, but I really wasn't.

[thatguy90]

Sorry ... I am trying to give you the best advice I have ... I am just going through a tough time with dealing with these emotions ... since my story ends up that we broke up ...

[HLP234]

No don't worry thanks so much for the advice. Well since after that happen last night, I didn't talk to her at all today..I had a job interview near New York so i was busy all day.

 

She texts me randomly while I'm there askin why I never text her to see what she is doing??

 

I told her she needed space and I was just giving her that because i thought she was mad at me from last night. She replied that she wasn't happy(with what happened I suppose) with me but she didn't like to worry.

 

Basically ever since she needed space i didn't talk to her and she always texted me and her excuse was to see how I am doing and she misses me.

 

I told her one day I went out with my friends and drank and she got pissed saying I didn't tell her anything..why would i have to, if she said we were on a break.

 

I think we are still dating, i really dunno what is going on. She asked me to go over there tomm to help her with some stuff in her room.

 

She tells me she's frusterated and she wants to have sex and all but she doesn't want it to confuse her more and she needs more time.. I'll wait a lil more till I just won't be able to anymore. So we hang out and she wants me to do stuff for her like massage her and other things but nothing for me..it sucks.