on edge Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 There is a summary at the end if you don't want to read all of this My ex and I dated for three months. It was perfect. I was so happy. She goes on vacation for a weekend, and comes back acting strange. She tells me that she needs to get her life in order and wants some space. She also said a a myriad of other things like, "I am a loner," "now is not a good time for me," and "I don't want to be in a relationship." In her mind, things are just being put on hold until she figures out what to do with herself. (she has been unemployed for three months). My initial response is to resist it, but if that's what she wants then "fine." I decided that I don't feel like sticking around and waiting. Basically, I feel like I got dumped, so I want to start NC and move on. She tells me that I am being "stupid," and that's not what she wants. She thinks that we are still going to hang out, and be "friends." And that when she is around me, she wants to be romantic. I tell her that I want a commitment, and I am not okay with putting things on hold. Especially when our future is so uncertain. Again, she says that is stupid, and hangs up on me. SUMMARY: Basically, she asked for a break and some space. My reaction: "If you take space, then we are broken up and no longer together. I am not going to sit around and wait for you." MY QUESTION: Am I wrong for doing this? It seems like I need to protect myself, and not get more attached. Has anyone been in a similar situation?
thatguy90 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Hi I am going through something simular to you, Your lucky, you just had a nice short one, I had a year and a quarter, I was very attached. If she wants space, give it to her, and if she trys the friends thing and says lets be friends during this space, tell her no, this is a time to figure things out. And don't talk to her during this period, letter her contact you and only that way, if she truly cares about you, she will contact you and try to talk to you about it, give it about month, minimum, and see what happens.
WTRanger Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 There is a summary at the end if you don't want to read all of this My ex and I dated for three months. It was perfect. I was so happy. She goes on vacation for a weekend, and comes back acting strange. She tells me that she needs to get her life in order and wants some space. She also said a a myriad of other things like, "I am a loner," "now is not a good time for me," and "I don't want to be in a relationship." In her mind, things are just being put on hold until she figures out what to do with herself. (she has been unemployed for three months). My initial response is to resist it, but if that's what she wants then "fine." I decided that I don't feel like sticking around and waiting. Basically, I feel like I got dumped, so I want to start NC and move on. She tells me that I am being "stupid," and that's not what she wants. She thinks that we are still going to hang out, and be "friends." And that when she is around me, she wants to be romantic. I tell her that I want a commitment, and I am not okay with putting things on hold. Especially when our future is so uncertain. Again, she says that is stupid, and hangs up on me. SUMMARY: Basically, she asked for a break and some space. My reaction: "If you take space, then we are broken up and no longer together. I am not going to sit around and wait for you." MY QUESTION: Am I wrong for doing this? It seems like I need to protect myself, and not get more attached. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Get this straight. You are NOT WRONG! There, I bolded and underlined it for you. You know what you want. You want a commitment and a full relationship with this girl. If she's not wanting that, then to hell with her. In fact, you are stronger than most people on here. A lot of us, including the old me, would have puppy dogged this girl around hoping that the relationship would start back up. We all know that this girl is just an attention seeking whore. You can tell by her actions. She wants you around for your attention and nothing else. You are doing the right thing by leaving her in the dust. She is not the dumper here, you are. You told her what you want, she thinks its "stupid" and you take off. Believe me, if you hang around her it will not end well. She'll leech off of you until she meets some new guy and leave you completely sucked dry. She is a parasite, she only takes from the host system and gives nothing back. Your wants in a relationship are normal. She is the one who is crazy here. She's reacting because she's assuming most guys will always fawn over her. You've called her on her BS by being 100% more mature than her, and she's pissed. That's why she's throwing these spoiled brat temper-tantrums. This girl is better off left alone forever. A few weeks won't change the fact that she's afraid of commitment and in general a pretty lousy human being.
Beeotch Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 There is a summary at the end if you don't want to read all of this My ex and I dated for three months. It was perfect. I was so happy. She goes on vacation for a weekend, and comes back acting strange. She tells me that she needs to get her life in order and wants some space. She also said a a myriad of other things like, "I am a loner," "now is not a good time for me," and "I don't want to be in a relationship." In her mind, things are just being put on hold until she figures out what to do with herself. (she has been unemployed for three months). My initial response is to resist it, but if that's what she wants then "fine." I decided that I don't feel like sticking around and waiting. Basically, I feel like I got dumped, so I want to start NC and move on. She tells me that I am being "stupid," and that's not what she wants. She thinks that we are still going to hang out, and be "friends." And that when she is around me, she wants to be romantic. I tell her that I want a commitment, and I am not okay with putting things on hold. Especially when our future is so uncertain. Again, she says that is stupid, and hangs up on me. SUMMARY: Basically, she asked for a break and some space. My reaction: "If you take space, then we are broken up and no longer together. I am not going to sit around and wait for you." MY QUESTION: Am I wrong for doing this? It seems like I need to protect myself, and not get more attached. Has anyone been in a similar situation? You were perfectly right. I do not think a break is different from a break up...except a break is where things get MORE confusing because you're not together and you are even moreso in limbo.
trueblue72ny Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 i think you are right on. i dont think you are wrong at all. it is totally selfish of her to expect you to wait around for when only she wants.
reservoirdog1 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Doesn't want a commitment, probably wants to explore dating other guys, but wants you on "standby" just in case the grass isn't greener. You're totally in the right. You're either together or you're not. Screw that middle ground, "on hold" BS. From what you said, it's not as if she's dealing with a family tragedy that's sapping all of her energy. She came back from her vacation and things were different. It's good that you were uncategorical as to the status of things with the two of you. You're free now to do what you want, date others, sleep with whoever you want.
billy356 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 You are not wrong. You did the right thing by saying "fine" when she asked for space, the mature thing. She did an incredibly immature thing by calling your feelings "stupid". Something probably happened on the vacation, doesnt have to be hooking up with another guy, it could have just been her being attracted to someone and that confusing her. Either way it sounds like she experienced something on that trip to want to keep her options open. You were up front with what you wanted, she wants something else. Walk away and tell her if she changes her mind to contact you and you will consider it then. in the meantime, find a less flaky one.
Trinitron Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 My first real attempt at helping someone and reservoirdog1 steals my thunder,LOL. Bottom line man, she wants the cake, the car, and the Xbox and she's going to eat it, drive it, and play it when and where she pleases. If there is a chance, it lies with no contact. You should never be in limbo over a woman.....NC her butt. Trinitron
Author on edge Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 NC has commenced. Thank you for the support.
mmk1 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 You are totally correct. Break is just short for break-up. When two people want different things, its time to move on. NC and let her see what life is without you. Give yourself a time limit for her to see the light and then move on completely.
Author on edge Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 UPDATE: I have been in NC for two weeks. I actually feel that I made the right decisions and spared my heart a lot of pain. Plus, I have been super busy with work, the gym, and Modern Warfare 2
silic0ntoad Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Modern Warfare 2 for the win! Add me man, we'll game tonight! tag: d3filed yovth
xerofate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 YOu are not wrong. Wish I had the cojones to do the same thing. Trust me. You are in a better place then I am. I've got Modern Warfare 2, and Assasins Creed 2. Been too depressed to play them. Assasins creed 2 is still in the wrapper. At least you are playing MW2!
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You did the right thing, screw her if she thinks she can toy with your emotions. And MW2 is super addictive, been playing for months on end. multiplayer is great. I'm on xbl too! lol.
puppydog Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You absolutely did the right thing. Stick to it.
Author on edge Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 YOu are not wrong. Wish I had the cojones to do the same thing. Trust me. You are in a better place then I am. I've got Modern Warfare 2, and Assasins Creed 2. Been too depressed to play them. Assasins creed 2 is still in the wrapper. At least you are playing MW2! You should take them out and play them. They're a great distraction. I am on PS3 and XBL (I know uber-nerd!) PM me your ids and I will add you. I just got my XBOX and have only a few friends.
Author on edge Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 UPDATE: it has been two months. she texted me, I didn't respond. she called and I texted her back, saying "I have nothing to say to you." Since the break-up, I recognize a pattern with this girl. She blames everyone else for her problems. Why didn't she have a job? because I was taking all of her time (even though I have a full-time job, gym schedule, and friends). She tried to blame me for the fact that she was gaining weight. I think that I dodged a bullet on this one. Also, I have decided to take some time and just date. No serious relationships, but just go out there and meet some new people.
HLP234 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 You should take them out and play them. They're a great distraction. I am on PS3 and XBL (I know uber-nerd!) PM me your ids and I will add you. I just got my XBOX and have only a few friends. I play MW2 on PS3, pm me and I can add you; but lately I've been so down that I can't even play video games anymore. I've been trying to go out and hang around friends as much as possible. Typically, I go out with friends, get wasted, dance with some random girls and then I get mad because I don't get their number lol. I think I need to stop trying so hard.
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