thatguy90 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well I will try to keep this short, I was dating my ex-girlfriend under 1.5 years, everything was going very well we had plans for the future and everything. We talked about where we would want to live and move in together and basically all the stuff a regular couple does when they are madly in love with each other. She wanted her old best friend (which is a guy), who had liked her for sometime, but told her that he had no feelings for he and everything, back in her life. I told her that its up to her, it's her friend not my friend, just make me a promise that you will never let things get out of hand between the two of you, and she did say yes to that promise. She also added that she will never ever consider to date this guy. I believed her, and didn't honestly care for the guy as long as it didn't effect our relationship. Then about 3-4 months ago ... I went through a tough period in my life, I had family issue, some of my family went in to the hospital and I couldn't deal with the stress of that plus school and working about 20-25 hours a week. So i leaned on my girl friend for support, she did give me some, but she was very busy and we barely saw each other, due to we go to different school's and stuff. But I had become very sad, and well I found it hard to be happy in front of her, since so much was going on in my life, and the fact that she was not willing to do stuff which she use to do, like busing home together, having s*x as much (as odd as it sounds sex usually helps with realizing stress.), also she didn't have voice convo's with me anymore and didn't tease me as much. That is just the tip of the ice berg, her old best friend, became her best friend again, and well I didn't feel comfortable about that, and i told her this and well she didn't do much, she said that she can't choose between me or him, and I was like, ok its ok, i will just get use to it. But he went out and bought her stuff, which usually i would buy her as a gift so she would feel special and stuff, and they tend to bus home together alot, and he go out of his way to stay with her and stuff, I told her that yes they might be friends but i think he is putting moves on you and well ... she didn't listen, so i became sadder and sadder because i felt like i was losing my girlfriend and that she was doing nothing at all to try and stay in the relationship. Everytime i wanted to bus home with her alone ... he would be there and i was like can we get off please and catch another bus so we can have time alone together, and she was like "no ... I need to get home I have way to much school work to do" ... latter that night i would sign on MSN and say hey, do you want a video convo, she would say "sorry I am already having one" (With her best friend who is playing the piano for her). I will say this here, when this guy was just friends and they didn't talk as much, the relationship was fine, actually it was perfect, couldn't have been any better. Anyways ... I started to smother her (I didn't realize this at first) ... but i did it anyways and well caused her to want out of the relationship, this was after about a month and a half of being sad. I would text her each morning and stuff and different stuff. But it was just my way of trying to get her attention back, i think the best thing i could have done was not pay attention to her and just make her realize what she is doing. So then the relationship ended, with her saying she doesn't want a boy friend for a while (like a year or two just to be single and just enjoy the single life). That she still wants to be friends because she does care a lot about me and stuff. So a few weeks go by, we would have the odd convo and bump into each other and talk, nothing major. Then I found out, she started either liking or loving she keeps switching words, her old best friend, and well i was not happy with her because well ... she promised that nothing would ever come between them. But after a week or so I sent her an email saying I am sorry, I can't control who you like/love, i am sorry for reacting like that. Then latter that week, she sends me an email asking if we would like to talk to each other, I said well I have a bit of free time so ok. I went and talked to her, and well she started saying sorry I just don't know what came over me that I started to like him, I don't understand how he can do that to me and make me like him again. And well I got mad stood up and began to leave and she grabbed me back and sat me right back down. She said that he does not like me back, and he doesn't want it between them. She then turned to me and said something I didn't expect her to say, "You are the perfect guy for me, well before you had become very sad and had to deal with all that stress back then. I can still see us together in the future, with everything we wanted. But right now I want to experience life a bit, and do different stuff with out a serious relationship, but once I grow up, you are perfect for me." This put me into shock ... Complete and utter shock ... I didn't know what to say to her, I try to continue to talk to her, but it raddled me, and my thoughts became so scrabbled. Its been a little bit from then and we talked like we use to a few times, and well she asked me to go do something with her latter this week, I checked my schedule and said sure. We have not gone to the thing yet, but I will go and see how everything ends up, I will try to keep my emotion's under control. I just worry that when I was sad, I might have acted like I wanted out of the relationship, I did one time ... and I do regret me saying this ... i said i had a hard time trusting her with her best friend. I just worry that some of my actions might have made her feel like I was not interested in her, and that I was just trying to control her and bring her down. Which I was not, I was just acting out of fear and being stressed to the max and dealing with a ton of emotions. I just don't know what I can do.
DustySaltus Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 She's screwed. She likes someone that doesn't like her back and is using you as a shoulder to cry on. When things got tough for you and you couldn't be there for her as much as you could (which is completely understanable, every relationship has its peaks and valleys) she was looking for someone to fill a VOID. She thought that she found it with the "best friend" but she was mistaken. Then things start to go back to normal and the dust clears, now she comes back. This is like being involved in a major battle, the bullets start flying and instead of standing beside you and fighting through things, SHE RANS FOR THE HILLS or in this case TOWARDS SOMEONE ELSE. That's weak. If she wanted to be back with you she would NEVER mention the fact that she was rejected by him. She would just say she made a mistake. The fact that she said that means that she's trying to put you in the dreaded "Friend Zone" as well. Her life isn't going the way she wants now and she wants to know that you'll always be there to comfort her when the next guy breaks her heart. Let her go figure out what she wants and you figure out what you want. I wouldn't meet her if I were you unless you are ok with becoming her friend. I don't think that's an option at this point. Either way I wish you nothing but the best.
Author thatguy90 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I forgot to tell you guys, I did tell her that at first I will be her friend. But when she told me that thing about how i am the perfect guy and liking the other guy. After a bit of talking about different stuff, I told her " I can't be friends right now, with the special moments we have shared and everything, it will be difficult to be your friend." She said that she understood, and well I will go to meet her, just see how it goes, if she starts to talk about him and crying about him and how difficult it is, I will just get up and go, and tell her, I am not a friend right now, I am your EX-BOYFRIEND ... I want to stop your tears, but if i do that ... i don't want it to be seen as a friend ... but as your boy friend, but other than that I can do NOTHING to stop them. You might want me in the future, but the future starts today, and today I am not with you. The only reason why she told me was because well ... i kinda forced it out of her. I feel bad for that, but around the time I found out that she had lied to me a few times, and I wanted the truth from her. It was my mistake that it came out.
Author thatguy90 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Well I did end up meeting her, And well it was fine and all we had a laugh talked about the old times and different stuff, and about the present. Then she talked about christmas and how she is getting me a gift since i am her friend. Well ... i looked at her and said "what?" ...and she said well you are my friend aren't you? ... i told her no ... not now ... the reason why we are here today is just to see how things go and how i feel so i can make my decision about being your friend, it will be a while before i come to a decision ... she said ok ... and we stopped talking about that right away, she talked about marrying me again but i didn't talk to her about that she kinda said it but I didn't want to talk about it because ... i feel that if she wants us to be together in the future ... but how can she be so confident about us being back together in the future, she said it with such confidence and everything ... she didn't ever mention about the other guy and stuff, like how he is jealous and stuff but not about anything else. We both had fun and admitted to each other that we both check each other out and stuff like that ... but still right now ... its difficult i am trying to keep the memories of her out of my head and to not cloud my judge meant, and what i am doing. Why does she seem so confident about it?
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