Hop_prophet Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well the sh*t hit the fan last night and I think things may be over between my gf and I. We have been arguing all week and I finally lost it last night and told her we were done. I was verbally abusive and not proud of my behavior at all. Eventually I calmed down and after several hours of thinking, I apologized and said I still loved her and wanted us to give it another shot. She said I needed therapy and would consider it. Part of me really wants this but the other part of me thinks I need to stick by my guns with this. Any insight would be really helpful. Here is the situation: We have been togther for almost a year and lived together for about 5 months. She moved to CA to be with me. She has always been very social and left a large network behind. She is extremely active on FB but has not made many friends here. She holds this over me and I feel blames me for this. She is unemployed and has anxiety/health issues which have made the problem worse. This is my first major relationship and she thinks I have horrible insecurity problems and that I do not trust her. I have a huge problem with her interactions with other guys and have made it pretty clear to her what I think is unnacceptable. She has red flags in her past and her respecting these boundries would make me feel so much better. Up to this point she has waffled and last night she completely revoked every concession she ever made and said I need to let her make her own decisions and basically butt out. She stated that she avoided contacting 4 guys out of respect for me, but she resents me for it now. She did not even bring it up to me at the time but assumed I would have a problem with it. I felt she disrepected in our relationship in two incidents. The first was her going over to my neighbors place at 2 or 3 in the morning to smoke up with him and his friend. We did not know them and I was out of town. The next was when she met a guy through a trusted friend and went out barhopping with him. Again I was out of town on business. She says she had only good intentions and made sure she was respectful to me. I think the actions say otherwise. I did meet the guy later and he seemed alright. I have told her I think she needs to refrain from drinking alone with other guys, going to dinner alone with other guys, and bringing guys over to our place or going to theirs. These boundries seem reasonable to me but she says I am limiting her social life and she can't tolerate the lack of trust. She recently wanted to meet up with her most recent ex (who was in town for a few days) over coffee but did not after I told her I was uncomfortable with it. She did not bring it up directly but tried to disguise it as a hypothetical. I thought she was trying to entrap me. We can't get over this issue. She did try to compromise last night and offered to have me meet any friends before going out with them alone, but I felt it was an empty gesture because she said she would need a valid reason for not seeing them in the future. Again it seems like only she can find fault and my reasons are no good. Am I being too controlling? Does this look salvageable?
silic0ntoad Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well, I can say this. You set the boundaries. She disrespected them. Kick her a$$ out man. In all honesty, it's only a matter of time (If it didn't happen already) til she cheats on you. I would never let any GF of mine go and "smoke up" or "bar hop" with random dudes. That's ridiculous. And no meet ups with ex's. I'm sorry, women here can call me whatever they like, but I've NEVER cheated or been called controlling. Those are my personal boundaries and FB... well alot of people here know how I feel about FB. That sh*t is the death of relationships. Hands down.
Author Hop_prophet Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Thanks for the reply. I know I should probably just cut ties but its just so difficult when I still love her so much. In her defense she did tell me about the incidents and she has been honest to fault with me about everything. She is transparent about FB and texting and does not try to hide anything. I just feel llike she is keeping options open or has a very misguided sense of what is appropriate in a committed relationship. I feel f**cking terrible today. Like I did everything wrong even though I know I didn't.
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