WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Ok, this may sound weird, but my husband has a serious problem, we have been at this problem for two years, don't worry, we are going to be seeking help, I just want to know if anyone has the same problem or know of somebody with the same problem and may know why its happening.Well it all started with me finding pictures on the internet, of just women that my husband had been looking up, so I started thinking, ok I am not enough for him now, I confronted him, he didn't have much to say, only that he would quit. Well needless to say it wasn't that easy. I started to get mad, these were just women and not porn, I could understand porn, but just women? I was really hating myself for not looking like these beautiful big breasted women (I'm small chested by the way ) I tried asking him why he said he didn't know, and that he'd quit again. So I went on believeing him, I got pregnant and ended up have a premature child, almost 4 months preemie, I have aniexty pretty bad so I was sure it was dur to stress as the docs pointed out I stayed in hospital for couple days and baby was good. I went home to find out my husband had look at more women the day our child was born, ok I wanted to leave him, but he said he needed help, I believed him but then he had to go to iraq and it had to wait a year, he comes home and tells me he has changed, its had for me to trust now, I was recently on his phone because mines wasn't working and wanted to look up a youtube video, I came across his history and there it was spelt out, BOOBS, I gave him his phone back and called him liar, he had even swore on our daughters life he had quit, so I asked him why he said he didn't know, I got mad and asked was it because they have things I don't? He said no, I asked him if it got him off, he said no it doesn't even make him hard, so, what does that mean he said he didn't know and wanted to talked to someone that it was in his mind but he didn't know why because he says I m way more prettier he just didn't know why, the women weren't even naked he just looks at them naked or not by themselves and he swears to god he doesn't know why and wants to go talk to someone???? Its hard for me to trust him, any suggestions?
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I started to get mad, these were just women and not porn, I could understand porn, but just women? That's the thing, it is porn. As long as your hubby isn't contacting these women or stalking them or knows them or whatever, it's basically porn. I'm assuming he's masturbating to these pics, in that case it's porn. Pornography is not the same thing as nudity. If that's the case you two might be making a problem out of nothing, although I can totally understand why it might seem weird. But there's really nothing wrong with a little masturbation to pictures of pretty clothed women in real world situations. When someone's little kink is harmless like this its easier to just accept and deal with it than try to "fix" it. Now if he's cutting out the heads in these pictures or has some crazy annotated scrapbook next to the piles of rope in the cellar, then yeah you might have a problem. Good luck.
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Well I would like to say that he does do that but he doesn't, masterbate to it, u see I was upset to the fact of wanting to leave he was crying and telling me he honestly didn't know why, that he didn't do that and didn't get hard.... So I have no clue and he says he thinks there is something wrong with him...
Ronni_W Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 ...I asked him why he said he didn't know, I asked him if it got him off, he said no it doesn't even make him hard, *IF* he is being honest that it doesn't even get him hard -- do you believe him about that, btw? But. *IF* it is true, then it's more that he's acting like a 2-year old...doing something that he knows is "bad" / will get him into trouble. I'm not suggesting that you do this: Buy a few Playgirl magazines or 'Big Dicks' or whatever are the mags for us women, and when he asks you why...just tell him that you don't know and it doesn't even get you wet --OR-- tell him that you're just trying to understand his behaviour a bit better so that you can be more compassionate towards him. That is, I am not suggesting to let him be on the OTHER side of what he is doing, and how it makes you feel.
reddog63 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Ok, this may sound weird, but my husband has a serious problem, we have been at this problem for two years, don't worry, we are going to be seeking help, I just want to know if anyone has the same problem or know of somebody with the same problem and may know why its happening.Well it all started with me finding pictures on the internet, of just women that my husband had been looking up, so I started thinking, ok I am not enough for him now, I confronted him, he didn't have much to say, only that he would quit. Well needless to say it wasn't that easy. I started to get mad, these were just women and not porn, I could understand porn, but just women? I was really hating myself for not looking like these beautiful big breasted women (I'm small chested by the way ) I tried asking him why he said he didn't know, and that he'd quit again. So I went on believeing him, I got pregnant and ended up have a premature child, almost 4 months preemie, I have aniexty pretty bad so I was sure it was dur to stress as the docs pointed out I stayed in hospital for couple days and baby was good. I went home to find out my husband had look at more women the day our child was born, ok I wanted to leave him, but he said he needed help, I believed him but then he had to go to iraq and it had to wait a year, he comes home and tells me he has changed, its had for me to trust now, I was recently on his phone because mines wasn't working and wanted to look up a youtube video, I came across his history and there it was spelt out, BOOBS, I gave him his phone back and called him liar, he had even swore on our daughters life he had quit, so I asked him why he said he didn't know, I got mad and asked was it because they have things I don't? He said no, I asked him if it got him off, he said no it doesn't even make him hard, so, what does that mean he said he didn't know and wanted to talked to someone that it was in his mind but he didn't know why because he says I m way more prettier he just didn't know why, the women weren't even naked he just looks at them naked or not by themselves and he swears to god he doesn't know why and wants to go talk to someone???? Its hard for me to trust him, any suggestions? I may not be fully understanding this situation. But the impression I get is that this is not a serious problem your husband has but more of a problem you have. You are ready to break up a family because he is looking at women on the interenet, not even porn? I would guess this is more about your insecurities then anything else. I would get some individual counseling to see why you have an extreme view of this situation.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well I would like to say that he does do that but he doesn't, masterbate to it, u see I was upset to the fact of wanting to leave he was crying and telling me he honestly didn't know why, that he didn't do that and didn't get hard.... So I have no clue and he says he thinks there is something wrong with him... He's probably just lying here, and not even in a malicious way, many guys are needlessly ashamed of their masturbation habits. Perhaps it's not needless, since a lot of people are needlessly judgemental of their masturbation habits. If this is really not getting him hard and is not a sexual thing for him (which I really doubt, still thinking he's just jerking to this and too ashamed to admit it) then I would suggest therapy. Collecting pictures of strangers for purposes that are neither sexual or artistic seems kind of weird to me. Any kind of game playing like leaving playgirl mags out will just lead to fights and drama.
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I may not be fully understanding this situation. But the impression I get is that this is not a serious problem your husband has but more of a problem you have. You are ready to break up a family because he is looking at women on the interenet, not even porn? I would guess this is more about your insecurities then anything else. I would get some individual counseling to see why you have an extreme view of this situation. Its not that I want to leave, no never, but I couuld understand if it was porn, that doesn't bother me, its other women, wouldn't that bother u just a bit? And we are both getting help together, and he really doesn't know why he is doing this, this is what scares me and yes I did sya I would leave on foolish terms that maybe he would provide answers, I would never seperate our child over pictures, but its the ones who don't talk and don't resolve anything that makes problems worse, I have tried and we have talked but it always comes down to he has no clue why and he has admitted more embarassing deep secrets then this mess for him not to be telling me the truth....so idk but believe me we are both going to conseling not just one of us. Thank u
EnigmasMuse Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I think the fact that you both are going to counseling is a step in the right direction.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Its not that I want to leave, no never, but I couuld understand if it was porn, that doesn't bother me, its other women, wouldn't that bother u just a bit? Porn is other women too. Sounds like really what is bothering you is that these other women are not dollied up sex toys but instead regular people.... This could be a good thing looked at in a certain light, regarding what turns on your hubby. He may not be looking for sexualized ideals that may be hard to compete with. Sorry but I really can't lose the notion this is a turn on for him, despite your talk with him to the contrary. How convincing was that talk? Also please confirm, these are not women he knows or has contacted or anything, right?
Trojan John Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I don't know the exact nature of these photos, but if he's masturbating to images of large-breasted, nude women, then it is porn for him -- or, at the very least, erotica. Treat it as such, and let it go. He looks because he's interested in women, as do most heterosexual men. It doesn't mean that he has the intention to cheat on you, though. He lies about it because 1) he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and more likely, 2) he is embarrassed because you've helped to stigmatise it.
PandorasBox Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I guess you can't help how you feel. If you looked at other men the way he does women do you think he would be ok with it? Or would he have an issue with it?
Miad's Princess Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Porn doesn't need to be two/or more people at it, it can also be naked woman and if your husband like you say is looking at naked/big breasted woman it is a form of pornography. So if you accept porn then it means accepting that.
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Ok I had him look at all of ya'lls comments and he doesn't feel any relates to him, I told him I was ok with it if it got him off like porn, but he simply said, no its not like that really, I would tell u, but that's not it and I want it to stop
PandorasBox Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Ok I had him look at all of ya'lls comments and he doesn't feel any relates to him, I told him I was ok with it if it got him off like porn, but he simply said, no its not like that really, I would tell u, but that's not it and I want it to stop You want it to stop...or he said he wanted it to stop? If its him, is he meaning he wants it to stop as in he wishes he could stop looking at other women, or he wants you to stop being on him about it?
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Ok this has got me going in circles ugh!!!!!
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Porn is other women too. Sounds like really what is bothering you is that these other women are not dollied up sex toys but instead regular people.... This could be a good thing looked at in a certain light, regarding what turns on your hubby. He may not be looking for sexualized ideals that may be hard to compete with. Sorry but I really can't lose the notion this is a turn on for him, despite your talk with him to the contrary. How convincing was that talk? Also please confirm, these are not women he knows or has contacted or anything, right? Convincing, why else would he be willing to talk to a counsler? He really wants to stop and he's telling me he doesn't know why he does it and I am positive he's telling the truth but its just strange and no he doesn't know them just regular people on youtube,(they can't show nudity on there so like taking a walk through a store pretty much) but he doesn't know why he looks up women like that
JackJack Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I guess it's possible, BUT, I don't know to many people who do not know WHY they do or do not do whatever it is they are doing/not doing.
GorillaTheater Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Convincing, why else would he be willing to talk to a counsler? He really wants to stop and he's telling me he doesn't know why he does it and I am positive he's telling the truth but its just strange and no he doesn't know them just regular people on youtube,(they can't show nudity on there so like taking a walk through a store pretty much) but he doesn't know why he looks up women like that Because he finds it arousing, at least to some extent. But he feels very guilty about it, so guilty that, in combination with his personal boundaries, he may not even allow himself to look at "bare boobs", if you'll pardon the expression.
shadowplay Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I guess you can't help how you feel. If you looked at other men the way he does women do you think he would be ok with it? Or would he have an issue with it? Who's the actress in your avatar? Looks like a pretty mashup of Catherine Zeta Jones and Gene Tierney.
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 You want it to stop...or he said he wanted it to stop? If its him, is he meaning he wants it to stop as in he wishes he could stop looking at other women, or he wants you to stop being on him about it? Lol I'm sorry no he said he wants to stop looking at other women because he says there is no point, no joy, nothing he just does it, he believes he has a problem, that's why we are going to counseling
RedDevil66 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I can tell you why he looks at women, because that's how men are wired. He's not cheating, it's not about you or your looks, it's about his god-given drive. How is therapy going to stop that? That is like going to therapy to not be gay!
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Who's the actress in your avatar? Looks like a pretty mashup of Catherine Zeta Jones and Gene Tierney. Lol! I didn't know I even had a avatar on here I just signed up to see if anyone was experincing this same problem today, I'm on my phone so I guess I can't see it, my hubby is beside me just shaking his head because none of these answers are helping, and I am trying to really believe him. I want to help so bad.
PandorasBox Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Who's the actress in your avatar? Looks like a pretty mashup of Catherine Zeta Jones and Gene Tierney. That is Yvonne Decarlo. She was a actress back in the day. She played Lilly Munster on the Munsters and she was Moses wife in The Ten Commandments with Charelton Heston. I'm sure she played in other things too.
Author WeirdedOut Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 That is Yvonne Decarlo. She was a actress back in the day. She played Lilly Munster on the Munsters and she was Moses wife in The Ten Commandments with Charelton Heston. I'm sure she played in other things too. O I feel dumb I thought u meant me lol
ADF Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 It sounds like your husband is using these pictures the same way men will use porn. And guess: ALL MEN LOOK AT PORN. Every single one. And it means NOTHING, other than that they're male. There is a tried and true way of solving this problem: your husband needs to pretend he doesn't look at these pictures out of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to beleive him out of respect for his. And no more snooping.
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