ItsJustLife Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 (edited) I have read this forum for the last 2 months and so many people have such similar stories. I've ommited every detail about my relationship, as it is a textbook multiyear relationship that started from nothing and grew into something for me. I've wanted to write, but i couldn't until i woke up crying today. There may be many who feel the same, no matter the details of the relationship, feelings are feelings. I was fine for a week or two until I dreamt of her. Finally I have been able to write something, even if you may never see this, I had to write it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Why did I ever let you in? You caught my attention with a flick of your lashes but I was cautious, no rose comes without thorns. You were persistent, I lost my balance and you pulled me in with your sly innocent charm. I kept my mouth shut but you got me to open up. A vacation I accidentally paid for with my heart. You were the driver. Your lies was the destination. Your mouth was the vessel that steered the car. You made me believe, you showed me something I had never seen before, I was convinced we were heading towards your heart. The longer you drove the more I paid for with my heart. You fell short of the destination and left me stranded. I don’t know where I am. Did you ever stop and think? Words have meanings behind them, I hope when you’re not as immature you realise the meaning behind things you’ve said to me. I’m not sure what hurts me more anymore, “I love you” or “I’m not sure if I love you,.” You spoke the words, but I doubt you ever gave thought to what it all meant. Do you have no respect? You tell people it’s been hard, but I know it’s been easy for you to let go. It sure is ****ing easy letting go when you’ve been planning your escape. I just saw the pictures confirming what I already know; I hope one day guilt gets the best of you, but knowing you, I doubt it will. You’re just a sweet innocent girl who can pull someone in close and break their heart without losing any of your innocence. How could you do something you used to do with me with someone so quickly after? I get it, I was just some fun, someone to keep you company. I’ve been told to ignore what happens during the break up, that the real truth to the break up is what happens after. I listened to the advice and now I understand. I may be courteous and smile at you if we ever cross paths in the future. Do you remember the countless things we’ve shared together? How much we learned from each other and how much we could have continued to contribute in each other’s growing up? I don’t recognize you in any of the pictures anymore, have your fun partying and enjoy the lime light while it lasts. Don’t ever expect me to stop walking. If your name comes up in a conversation randomly in the future, I won’t act like I know you, because I don’t. Please don’t ever acknowledge me as an ex-boyfriend, tell them the truth, I was just someone you used. After everything, I love you enough to be the first one to help you if you’re stuck, I will put down my pride for that. But I will never let myself be vulnerable to you again. I love you. I do. I don’t want you to ever say those words to me again. I am lost and I have too much luggage to carry with me all the way back home. I will sacrifice all that I have worked for and believed in and leave them here as I begin to find my way home - empty handed. I will open my luggage to rummage through my stuff before I leave. I will look at your picture one last time, close my eyes and inhale the scent of your hair. I will let my mind trace out the curves of your body, letting my hand glide over your face, your back, your breast, your stomach, your hips, your thighs, your feet. I will run the tapes of our old memories together in my head, let them flood my senses. I will pull you in and kiss you one last time, feel the warmth of your lips against mine. There is no light that will guide me home tonight, instead I will shed the remaining tears that linger in my eyes before I sleep. When the sun rises, I will leave the luggage I have been trying to carry with me. I will begin my journey to find a new place where I can call home. 2002-2009 May our relationship rest in peace. This funeral keeps both of us apart. Goodbye my love. Whiskers. Edited November 25, 2009 by ItsJustLife too much html coding in my post
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