DenverBachelor Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Guys, Who here has dated women on anti-depressants? Do you think it is a losing proposition in the long run? Besides killing their sex drive, I've noticed mood swings and everything else under the sun. Not to mention extended release-xanax. That's real convenient for the person doing the dumping. There loaded up on benzodiazepines while you're left to walk out in the street to find the nearest bar to get trashed. I'm starting to think that it might be a good rule to avoid dating women on anti-depressants. Since our break up, in one month I've seen her with two different men. God knows how many I haven't seen -- like when you see a cockroach in the kitchen, there's probably a dozen more hiding in the woodwork. She's gone into full slut-mode and isn't the woman I knew. That's a common theme, isn't it? I mean, I'm still healing from the breakup and she's mounting anything with a heartbeat. Absolutely amazing ... man, did I dodge a bullet.
soheartbroken Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 (edited) My ex became depressed about a year ago, and broke up with me. A few days later, she thought she had made a mistake, cried, told me she took me for granted, and I took her back. She went on ADs, and a year later (this July), broke up with me again, for good. I am still devastated. At the same time that she destroyed me this July, she started coming off the ADs (so basically while I was becoming depressed over the break up, she was feeling well enough to come off her meds. Ouch). Lesson learned: The ADs gave her the courage/ability to do something that she couldn't do a year ago without them. She used me as a crutch while she became strong enough to end it. My doctor told me the same thing (and I wish she hadn't said this) - that ADs gave her the ability to end a bad relationship. F**king BS. Have the courage to do it on your own, or with a counselor. Basically my ex told me nothing about what was bothering her, never told me why she ended it. She just let the ADs do all the work. Wouldn't even go to counseling with me. Used me while she got strong enough to end it. F that. Rant over. I don't think dating someone who's on ADs is a problem. The problem starts when they become depressed during the relationship and go on them. They start to feel good and don't need you anymore. Get to couples counseling ASAP if you can. EDIT: I don't mean this to be harsh to people who are on ADs. I've been depressed, I know how bad it is. I just wish I didn't feel so used in my particular case. I was never given a chance. Edited November 25, 2009 by soheartbroken
onewillburn Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Christ, dude, yeah. I don't even know if I really want to open up that much about it but, my ex was on a few anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. I didn't notice a low sex drive or anything, and she actually seemed fine when she was on them. But the times she decided to randomly stop were another story. Vandalism of my property, physical and verbal abuse, she ended up in a mental hospital and even jail. All kinds of twisted things and I always stuck by her because I thought "I love her and it's not necessarily her fault, blah blah blah". Now I don't really know what to think. I feel like I used her anti-depressant withdrawals as justification for her actions more than she did. I feel like she knew what she was doing and was just a huge brat. I let her make me feel guilty and even the last time I spoke with her she had the nerve to blame me for her outbursts. I can't believe I put up with any of that.
Bulldozed Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 WOW!! You took the words right out of my mouth. My ex and I split end of August, after 2 yrs together. I've only known her on lexapro/xanax/ambien. The woman is a mental wreck. In mid July, she wanted to take me on a date to a great Italian restaurant we both loved. She told me she wanted to move in before the holidays. Knowing I had a lot of preparation to do ($$) to make her comfortable in my house, I got busy all August. Sometime in August she told me she quit taking her lexapro back in late July (cold turkey).....her mood swings noticably nothing less than sporadic, hurtful, vindictive, paranoid about what others thought about her (most notably people who were nothing more than acquantices to the two of us). We kept going through the motions (or at least I did believing we were ok), when at the end of August she uttered the words. "I want us to take a break" for a while, out of the blue. Long story short, I suspected she had an interest in her good friends ex-husband of two months....3 wks after our "break" bull****, she's shacked up with this cheeseball. She was absolutely viscious. Made up stories to provoke jealousy. This was her real self....her past is mired in poor judgement (divorced twice) and her last bf before me was an absolute loser. Her "real" self is miserable, low-self esteem, self image...etc. etc. I sensed this and always tried to encourage her. Despite being on the drugs, her true self still seeped through, just not to the extent it did since she went off them. My therapist pretty much confirmed that I got a good dose of the real person and what I would have been looking at long term. In the future, I would definitely steer clear of any woman on anti-depressants or at least specify in the pre-nup that under no circumstances is she to go off of them. Dating someone with multiple personalities doesn't appeal to me. I / We definitely dodged some howitzer shells!! Good luck to you!
johan Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I personally think they all need anti-psychotics. That's going to be an important early question for the next one I date. "Would you be willing to medicate yourself so I don't have to deal with too much craziness?"
Citizen Erased Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I personally think they all need anti-psychotics. That's going to be an important early question for the next one I date. "Would you be willing to medicate yourself so I don't have to deal with too much craziness?" Even me?
PinkToes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 If the anti-depressants are working, then everything else that happens, behavior-wise (apart from the occasional side effects from the drugs) is unrelated to the depression or the drugs. Anti-depressants that are actually getting at the depression are not to blame for bad behavior. Someone who is depressed and not on medication, or who hasn't found the right combination, is a different story. And then you have to decide whether it's worth sticking around to try to help find a solution, or wait it out together.
nobmagnet Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 crickey, I have been on anti-d since february after a long haul trip of horrible events ( nursing both grandparents though terminal cancer for 4 years and other poo) I beleive in my case they gave me the strength to kick my ex out when I found out about his affairre. I really wouldnt have had the strength to do it without them. I dont take anyother meds tho just citilapram. I have family members with real problems like you have discribed and yes stear clear you can never ever deal with someone who lives in a paralell universe. Its not their fault but I wouldnt put myself though it either. x
Boundary Problem Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 If someone is depressed then they probably need some help with something. If it is something I can help them with, then I'm happy to help (within reason). But being depressed is not an excuse for discourtesy, for example unreturned emails or phone calls. I went through PTSD (on my own) and returned all necessary messages. But if someone treats me with respect, then I will extend to them respect and support. If they don't return messages or treat me with courtesy, then I assume they don't need my assistance. My life is too busy to have people just showing up without warning, for example. Juggling too much to deal with things without warning.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 soheartbroken, this struck a chord with me and my ex >The ADs gave her the courage/ability to do something that she couldn't do a year ago without them. She used me as a crutch while she became strong enough to end it.< I feel like that about him too, but he was having therapy not AD's, it's as if he's strong enough to move on and look for something more worthwhile to him now, he says that's not the case but that the therapy has helped him to be able to say something was wrong and then leave, whereas when he was very depressed he would have just stayed. Maybe I've been a crutch for 18 years, I'm questioning the whole relationship.
bluestraps Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 A human crutch.. It's possible. you need to be extra suportive and aware at all times what they are feeling.I guess Ill chime in on this one. My ex has depression, it's been very hard. When she was younger she had some bad experences. The kind that most of us could handle with some time passing by. When we met she really felt in a way that I saved her. She felt like no one could love her. She is unable to work. I think she could if everyone gave hera chance. She had droped out of high school at 17 due to her problems. She is very pretty, inteligent and funny and fun most of the time to be around. As time went by she still spent many a daytime in bed when we werent together, and she would stay up at night. Sleep disorders are a part of depression, That also can effect your mood and make you tired and easily upset. So normal upsetting events can really affect someone with depression. Unfortunatly I could'nt be there for her everytime she needed me. And that would effect our relationship.
bluestraps Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Guys, Who here has dated women on anti-depressants? Do you think it is a losing proposition in the long run? Besides killing their sex drive, I've noticed mood swings and everything else under the sun. Not to mention extended release-xanax. That's real convenient for the person doing the dumping. There loaded up on benzodiazepines while you're left to walk out in the street to find the nearest bar to get trashed. I'm starting to think that it might be a good rule to avoid dating women on anti-depressants. Since our break up, in one month I've seen her with two different men. God knows how many I haven't seen -- like when you see a cockroach in the kitchen, there's probably a dozen more hiding in the woodwork. She's gone into full slut-mode and isn't the woman I knew. That's a common theme, isn't it? I mean, I'm still healing from the breakup and she's mounting anything with a heartbeat. Absolutely amazing ... man, did I dodge a bullet. Im going to stay away from any one with mental problems.
bluestraps Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 The tables have been turned . I think im crazy now!
GrayClouds Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) Meds can be helpful, Meds with therapy can be very helpful. If someone is on meds and has done or is doing the hard work of really good therapy, they are likely to be less crazy then the rest of the population. Or at least understand their crazy better then the rest of the population. If they use meds manage their crazy - good. Using meds to cover up their crazy- problem I do not think it is an issue of if a potential love is on meds but how do they, do they face their problems / issues DB your crazy ex girlfriend sounds like the type who uses meds to run away from her problems like she is now using men to run away from the hurt of the breakup. It appeared you did some of the behaviors with the booze maybe that is what you two had in common. Now that you got some perspective your seen how destructive that behavior is. She is showing you a great example why you need to keep making the positive steps that your doing, For you it is less about dodging a bullet more about leaping forward and for that you really should be congratulation yourself. Edited December 5, 2009 by GrayClouds
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 soheartbroken, this struck a chord with me and my ex >The ADs gave her the courage/ability to do something that she couldn't do a year ago without them. She used me as a crutch while she became strong enough to end it.< I feel like that about him too, but he was having therapy not AD's, it's as if he's strong enough to move on and look for something more worthwhile to him now, he says that's not the case but that the therapy has helped him to be able to say something was wrong and then leave, whereas when he was very depressed he would have just stayed. Maybe I've been a crutch for 18 years, I'm questioning the whole relationship. I tried to encourage my ex to do talk therapy in conjunction with the meds, but she never got around to it. Really too bad because we could have worked on a lot of things. I assume a therapist would have asked her about the relationship, and maybe that would have helped us. As it is, the meds likely made her feel better without doing any work, and she certainly did not bring up any relationship issues with me.
Lizzie60 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Guys, Who here has dated women on anti-depressants? Do you think it is a losing proposition in the long run? Besides killing their sex drive, I've noticed mood swings and everything else under the sun. Not to mention extended release-xanax. That's real convenient for the person doing the dumping. There loaded up on benzodiazepines while you're left to walk out in the street to find the nearest bar to get trashed. I'm starting to think that it might be a good rule to avoid dating women on anti-depressants. Since our break up, in one month I've seen her with two different men. God knows how many I haven't seen -- like when you see a cockroach in the kitchen, there's probably a dozen more hiding in the woodwork. She's gone into full slut-mode and isn't the woman I knew. That's a common theme, isn't it? I mean, I'm still healing from the breakup and she's mounting anything with a heartbeat. Absolutely amazing ... man, did I dodge a bullet. Huh.. from what I read here.. it didn't killed her sex drive... I was on anti-depressant all the years I was with my last ex.. and we had sex like 10 times a week.. it was crazy.. so I didn't lose my sex drive on medication... this is not always true..
johan Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I dated two women who took anti-depressant medication. All of my truly interesting sex experiences were with one of them. She was ready anywhere any time. The other one was normal.
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