AppleGirl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Here I am, back for more advice.... Can anyone tell me why someone would not make getting divorced from someone that you have labelled a "****ing psycho cunt", a priority? My bf and I have been living together for over a year and a half. We were both previously married. I have been separated for 2.5 years and am now divorced. He has been separated for almost 3 years and is still not divorced yet. He asked me to marry him earlier this year and gave me a ring, because he said he "loved me and didn't want me to go anywhere". Yet has not been very proactive in getting his divorce finalized. He has finally gone ahead and gotten a lawyer (on my prodding) and his lawyer and hers have been arguing back and forth for the past 5 or 6 months or so. The thing that gets me is that he totally drags his ass and doesn't submit papers on time to his lawyer, doesn't call his lawyer to see were his case is, etc, etc. He just seems very apathetic about the whole thing and just let's things slide. Why wouldn't he be on the ball and ready to just get it over with and divorce her? It seems that I am always pushing him to cut the ties. We argue about it a lot. I just don't understand because he says that he loves me and "what difference does it make because when I lay down at night, I'm laying next to you". But it makes a tremendous difference to me. To me, it is a show of respect and commitment to the relationship that he has built with me. Anyone?
EarthGirl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Here I am, back for more advice.... Can anyone tell me why someone would not make getting divorced from someone that you have labelled a "****ing psycho cunt", a priority? In my experience when people talk like that ...saying such horrible things about someone that at one time they supposedly "loved' ...even if it was not true love and/or they don't anymore and they are in love with someone else..And even if the wife really was horrible...Well people like that usually are trying to build a sense of (false) security in you when they say that they hate their ex so much and they are so ugly, and mean, and stupid, and they don't turn them on anymore at all, bla bla bla.... He is trying to build you up by putting HER down..Maybe as a way to placate you cause he is kind of procrastinating the divorce or something. It may be that you are the one he truly loves absolutley..but that says nothing of the fact that he can so easily say such horrible things about someone ...He could be completly lying, or at least bending the truth, since he is stalling getting the divorce it makes one wonder..maybe she really is horrible but it still does not bode well for him as a person since he is clearly using the old trick , as I said, of building your self esteem (as well as confidence in his feelings for you) by putting another person down, wether it is the truth or not.
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Unfinished business, IMO. It's pretty easy to file, settle out property and request a judgment. We had a good deal of property to settle out but ours should be done in under a year, from split to finish. I do not call my stbx names. I don't date either. Perhaps that says something
norajane Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 He can't marry you while he is still married to her. So maybe he's not in a hurry to marry you, and delaying the divorce delays any real effort to marry you. Either that, or he hasn't completely moved on from his ex. He may not want to be with her, but he's still not emotionally ready to get her out of his life completely. Just because he lives with you doesn't mean he's totally moved on.
Ronni_W Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 The thing that gets me is that he totally drags his ass and doesn't submit papers on time to his lawyer, How does he deal with conflict in general? A different possibility is that he is just so terrified of it that his fear is outweighing everything else. My current is divorced but he also puts off dealing with his ex (about their boys) until the very last possible second...and sometimes after that. I scratch my head cos, when it comes to stuff like this, my own 'style' is to "get it over with" fast -- I have ZERO fear of conflict. But I do get it that his style is different than mine -- it's just hard to keep my mouth shut, sometimes You could try a different approach. Something like, "I see this process is really hard for you. Is it a fear of conflict? You just don't want to deal with her? You don't like lawyers? Is there some way I can help?" That is, put it in his head what might be holding him back...and keep your fingers crossed that once he can explain what's going on for him he'll be able to fight through it. Maybe that would be worth a try? Good luck, in any event. It gets tougher when one's well of patience is running dry.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 If his wife is as bad as he says she is, maybe he is afraid of getting destroyed financially by her in divorce court.
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