kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 One, he never asks me very personal questions unless it's directly related to what we're talking about. He's never asked me about my family, if I have any siblings, basic stuff. Which is kind of weird. He's also very non-verbal. Aside from that one burst of hyperbole I mentioned early, he's never said anything to indicate he really likes me. No compliments either. While I def. wish you the best, someone not asking you ANYthing about yourself indicates a lack of interest in YOU. So yes, it seems he wants an FWB thing only.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 While I def. wish you the best, someone not asking you ANYthing about yourself indicates a lack of interest in YOU. So yes, it seems he wants an FWB thing only. Is it too hasty for me to assume that at this point? I'm just not sure if I should bring it up or what, because if I'm wrong it could scare him off. I don't want to come off as insecure and paranoid.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Trust your gut, sp. If you don't feel like he really likes you, for you, chances are you are right. Back off. Let him initiate from now on. And open your mind to the FWB thing; it's better than nothing. But if that doesn't work for you, think about getting out.
boogieboy Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Is it too hasty for me to assume that at this point? I'm just not sure if I should bring it up or what, because if I'm wrong it could scare him off. I don't want to come off as insecure and paranoid. I wouldnt say its too hasty, but maybe he has asked you about yourself and you avoided the question. I'd give up asking questions about a person if they dont want to tell me.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Trust your gut, sp. If you don't feel like he really likes you, for you, chances are you are right. Back off. Let him initiate from now on. And open your mind to the FWB thing; it's better than nothing. But if that doesn't work for you, think about getting out. Ugh. I have no desire for a FWB. This blows. I was really hopeful.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 What if the next time we're together I say that I feel like things have been moving a little fast, I want to take things more slowly, and I don't have sex with him?
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 What if the next time we're together I say that I feel like things have been moving a little fast, I want to take things more slowly, and I don't have sex with him? That sounds like a good plan. Like I said, I would stop contacting him, and start responding. The difference is huge.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 That sounds like a good plan. Like I said, I would stop contacting him, and start responding. The difference is huge. You mean just responds when he contacts me? That's kind of what I've been doing all along, but I'll keep it up. But out of curiosity what does this accomplish?
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 what does this accomplish? It keeps the ball in your court, allows you to control the flow of the relationship better, and gives you more self-esteem, as you are not being disappointed if HE doesn't respond, etc. Plus, women should never chase
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Go out on a date! See a movie, shoot some pool or do something else that is fun and active OUTSIDE of the bedroom. If you feel things have moved too fast, then slow it down. If he truly likes you, he'll respect that and not push sex, and he'll get to know you better.
jw90063 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You mean just responds when he contacts me? That's kind of what I've been doing all along, but I'll keep it up. But out of curiosity what does this accomplish? Um, if you are only responding when he contacts you, do you not think he might have a reason to doubt your intentions as well? If a person only communicated with me when I contacted them FIRST, I would have doubts.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Well, this is coincidental. He just sent me a text that said "by exclusive you mean a relationship, right?" And I responded "Er yeah...is that what you want?" And he wrote back "Ha, yeah I totally do. Just making sure my brain isn't being weird." So if it's FWB after that I will be majorly pissed...
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Just. Take. It. Slow. Four dates and you've already f*cked and talked about exclusivity. That's verrrry fast. Trust me, I know. I jumped in headfirst, and it did not last.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Just. Take. It. Slow. Four dates and you've already f*cked and talked about exclusivity. That's verrrry fast. Trust me, I know. I jumped in headfirst, and it did not last. What happened in your situation? Yeah, I definitely will try to slow the pace down.
kizik Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It's a long, long story. Suffice to say we dated for three years, but we never got to know each other in the beginning... sex created a "bond" that was fake.
threebyfate Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Well, this is coincidental. He just sent me a text that said "by exclusive you mean a relationship, right?" And I responded "Er yeah...is that what you want?" And he wrote back "Ha, yeah I totally do. Just making sure my brain isn't being weird." So if it's FWB after that I will be majorly pissed...His actions this morning make sense now. He was originally uncertain what you meant and now, has clarified. His actions should be pretty straight-forward now. If he becomes inconsistent, then you know he's uncertain. If he's consistent, he's there. Try not to over-analyze this right now. Also, you've already slept with him. Don't regret it. It's happened. To pull back right now, will send the wrong signals to him and cause distrust. But I do agree that you two should go out more. If the evening ends up in bed, that's fine too, but don't make your entire evening at his place.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 His actions this morning make sense now. He was originally uncertain what you meant and now, has clarified. His actions should be pretty straight-forward now. If he becomes inconsistent, then you know he's uncertain. If he's consistent, he's there. Try not to over-analyze this right now. Also, you've already slept with him. Don't regret it. It's happened. To pull back right now, will send the wrong signals to him and cause distrust. But I do agree that you two should go out more. If the evening ends up in bed, that's fine too, but don't make your entire evening at his place. Thanks, good advice. I'm thinking we're both a little disoriented by the fast pace of this relationship. But I agree that if I did a sudden pull back that would create problems. I'll make sure our next date is mostly out of his bedroom.
Stockalone Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 He's a bad writer, for example. No kidding. He just sent me a text that said "by exclusive you mean a relationship, right?" And I responded "Er yeah...is that what you want?" And he wrote back "Ha, yeah I totally do. Just making sure my brain isn't being weird." I'm probably the only one who thinks that it's weird to have that conversation over text. I'll attribute that to my reluctance to use new technologies aside from e-mail. But whatever happened to talking to a girl in person after having sex for the first time. I must be getting really old. But I digress. He sounds just as confused as you are right now. Now that the exclusivity thing has been clarified, he should be more consistent. What if the next time we're together I say that I feel like things have been moving a little fast, I want to take things more slowly, and I don't have sex with him? That is exactly what you wanted to do before you had sex with him. That said, if you really want to take things slow, be honest and talk about it with him. I think whichwayisup's advice is very good. Go out on a date! See a movie, shoot some pool or do something else that is fun and active OUTSIDE of the bedroom. If you feel things have moved too fast, then slow it down. If he truly likes you, he'll respect that and not push sex, and he'll get to know you better. I just want to add something. Even if he doesn't push for sex, he most likely will try if you send mixed messages. If you tell him that you want to take things slow, sleeping in his bed is not the right way IMO. Be prepared to stand your ground though. You don't have to do things you aren't prepared for. It really is okay to slow down a bit.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) No kidding. I'm probably the only one who thinks that it's weird to have that conversation over text. I'll attribute that to my reluctance to use new technologies aside from e-mail. Yeah, he and his brother sound like dude robots out of a Doritos commercial when they talk to each other. His intelligence seems to be all visual and musical (he's incredibly gifted at both), and based on his video work he has a surprisingly subtle sense of mood and feeling. This is part of what makes me feel like he we could have a real connection. I don't mind the verbal thing at this point, as long as I know there's more to him underneath. My last boyfriend had a pompous verbal style that was reflective of his personality: all fluff and no stuff. I think I set the communication precedent by texting only from the get go. I hate talking over the phone. Edited December 9, 2009 by shadowplay
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 He changed his facebook status from single to "in a relationship." That was fast. We're not facebook friends and he doesn't even know I've checked his page, so he wasn't doing that for my benefit.
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Feel better now? Consistent behaviour! Yep! --------------
Author shadowplay Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Lol. Just an aside. About a million people commented on his changed status with (pleasantly) surprised responses. One person said "I thought you didn't do relationships?" Hmm...I hope he's making an exception for me.
the beholder Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Stay positive... thats all anyone on this forum can suggest you. the guy seems to be genuinely interested - so chill. If you are really up for a serious relationship, you better clearify about the age thing - I personally don't think it makes any difference but you never know what the other person is bugged by.
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 he never asks me very personal questions unless it's directly related to what we're talking about. He's never asked me about my family, if I have any siblings, basic stuff... What do you want? Right now the guy is being overwhelmed by you liking him, having sex, your beauty, your intelligence.. He really can't believe his luck. Not in the mindset to ask about your brother.
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