crush

[sedgwick]

I'm so happy for you that your crush worked out, even though mine didn't! I can't even imagine what it would be like to be with a guy who was really into me and treated me well. I think you, like I, am so used to being treated like sh*t by flaky guys that we don't expect any more. He sounds pretty awesome to me and I hope you're able to enjoy and appreciate it!

[shadowplay]

And obviously this is uncomfortable for you.

 

Clearly you don't think you deserve or will find someone who isn't "flawed". I wonder if dating when your self-esteem is so low is a good idea.

 

No, I actually really like that about him.

[threebyfate]

Relax, relax, relax and enjoy, shadow! Try not to overanalyze your own feelings. Just let emotion take you, to a reasonable degree.

[kizik]

No, I actually really like that about him.

 

Alright... good luck and enjoy then. There is no issue here. Time to get off the computer and into the man's pants.

[donnamaybe]

I told him earlier today that I would be able to see him after Wednesday, and he just sent me a text that said "Blahh...I'm gonna miss you."

 

Wow, this guy really likes me! It's cool.

 

Very cool! He lets you know he's bummed without being a whiner about it.

[dudet]

just an observation. why is this thread causing so much hype, and going on and on? :laugh:its like being in elementary school...."mommy, i have a crush on this guy in art class, what do I do".

[shadowplay]

my feelings for him have fluctuated a bit, but in the last two days without really seeing him except for chatting briefly around the art building, my interest has gone way up. I know it's very early, but I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm falling for him. I miss him already and can't wait to hang out again. We've been texting constantly, which is something new to me as my last serious bf was a terrible communicator. Late last night I sent him a text that said "I can't wait until wednesday" (when we're seeing each other again) and he responded "me too, really bad." He's so cute. I just have this intuitive sense that he's really solid and has a lot of depth. I did when I barely knew him, and that impression has only grown stronger as we've spent time together. I'm really picky with people -- most either annoy or bore me -- so it's weird to be seeing somebody I totally respect. Also the fact that we both noticed each other out of everyone in the department is cool.

 

I hope I don't jinx things with all this positive talk!

[kizik]

just an observation. why is this thread causing so much hype, and going on and on? :laugh:its like being in elementary school...."mommy, i have a crush on this guy in art class, what do I do".

 

Because this is LoveShack, in which we tell each other how to act in real life, because we are inept without it.

[shadowplay]

Because this is LoveShack, in which we tell each other how to act in real life, because we are inept without it.

 

so true.........

 

Also it's fun to report happy stuff for a change.

[kizik]

it's fun to report happy stuff for a change.

 

I am quite happy for you, and jealous too. Let me just say that what rises fast crashes just as dramatically... so do yourself a favor, and take it slow.

[shadowplay]

I'm so happy for you that your crush worked out, even though mine didn't! I can't even imagine what it would be like to be with a guy who was really into me and treated me well. I think you, like I, am so used to being treated like sh*t by flaky guys that we don't expect any more. He sounds pretty awesome to me and I hope you're able to enjoy and appreciate it!

 

Thanks!

 

Sedge -- if it can happen to me, it can most definitely happen to you.

 

I think the key in this situation was basically following my gut and taking a risk. I had an intuitive feeling that we had some unspoken chemistry and just went with it. In the past I've pursued guys who gave me mixed signals or worse, but deep down I think I knew that they weren't really interested.

 

I bet if you get out more and meet more guys you'll become better at picking out the right signals. Also, keep taking risks! It was really ballsy for you to pursue DB after such enduring such a soul-sucking breakup. Don't give up, because only a small percentage of risks pan out.

[shadowplay]

I am quite happy for you, and jealous too. Let me just say that what rises fast crashes just as dramatically... so do yourself a favor, and take it slow.

 

You're right. I need to remind myself to not get too excited.

[Stockalone]

He seems more and more into me. During a moment of silence when we were kissing he blurted out "you're like the smartest, most beautiful girl in the world," which surprised me as he's not given to hyperbole. I started laughing as I was thinking to myself "Let's not get carried away here -- I'm not THAT great," but it was still cute to hear.

 

I just want to add that he's not clingy at all, so I hope my post didn't give that impression.

 

Just be careful there. You think he isn't clingy because you (understandably) like and enjoy that attention right now.

 

He is a welcome change for you and he is your first crush that translated into real life potential. That might cloud your judgment. If you weren't sold on him, you'd feel pressured by his behaviour and probably consider it clingy.

 

Also, please make sure he is a good guy. I am really not trying to make you doubt him. I am like your guy in some ways, investing emotionally into a possible relationship early on. That is not always a good thing, as that can cause problems too when you hit the first bump in the road.

 

You're still getting to know each other. So far, it seems that his words match his actions, and that is good. Just try to a take a day or so every now and then to reflect objectively (as much as that is possible) if things are going in the right direction.

 

 

He's remarkably patient and respectful with the physical stuff. I get the sense he actually enjoys taking it slowly, which is cool.

 

I'm still not sure how I feel about him. I know that I really like him, but something's holding me back. It's like this wall of coldness inside. I was thinking about it last night and wondering if I'm just emotionally unavailable to men in general.

 

After all that crap and insanity (I don't know what else to call it, sorry) with your ex, that is no surprise.

 

He put you down and that made you want to prove your worth to him.

 

That is not the case with new guy. He likes you and isn't mean to you. The dynamic is different. It's now you who has to decide if new guy is what you want and not the other way around.

 

 

I really want to nip this in the bud before it becomes a problem. I don't want to let it ruin things with S because he's great. He seems very solid and healthy.

 

 

 

Another thing is he's 22, which is 4 years younger than me. I can't overemphasize how mature he is for his age -- in fact more mature than a lot of guys in their late twenties and early thrities. but still I wonder if this will turn into a problem later on.

 

The age might be different, but you are both at the same point in life. You are both going to school, so I don't think four years will be a problem.

 

 

He doesn't know how old I am. He's never asked, and he probably assumes I'm 21-22 like everybody does. But I don't know how to bring up my age. I'm worried it will scare him off.

 

Yes, he will be terrified as his friends will make fun of him for hanging out with a cougar. And you, have you no shame, you cradle-robber.

 

Honestly, I don't think that age will matter.

 

 

I guess I'm a little uncomfortable with the amount of attention. I do have a lot of work, but seeing him almost every day is becoming overwhelming. The sleep thing is becoming a real problem as well. Part of it is he likes to maintain physical contact even when sleeping. I like cuddling, but once I'm actually trying to sleep I can't have anyone touching me. This morning I was trying to sleep and he kept lightly stroking me. I didn't want to say anything, because I was worried it would send the wrong message.

 

TBF, I basically told him what you suggested. I said that I'm swamped with work during the week but will be available later on at which point I can focus fully on him. He seemed totally cool with that.

 

Then don't sweat it. If he handles it well, there is no problem. And sleeping patterns and who needs space and who is a light sleeper, etc. will eventually emerge.

 

You also need to learn the "Hug 'n Roll"

.

 

But I am not sure if you can pull that off when you are the woman.

 

 

I don't know it's weird. He's just so....normal. I don't mean in a bad way like boring. But he doesn't seem to have any obvious personality flaws. He seems mature and together.

 

Oh, he will have flaws. Give it some time and you'll see. If you are lucky, they won't bother you or you will even find them endearing even if they can make you go crazy from time to time.

 

As long as you don't get bored with him.

 

 

My only question is why he's not pushing for the sex more. He's really into it when we're intimate, but he's never asked if we can have sex or tried to, despite the fact that we've come very close.

 

He might just be a good guy who doesn't mind waiting a bit to go all the way. Besides, it's not like you have done nothing yet.

 

 

Oh another thing....I feel like we need to have the exclusivity talk soon. I definitely want to have it before we have sex. How should I bring it up?

 

I have no idea, but there are plenty of women on LS who I am sure can give you great advice about that.

 

 

Honestly I'm still kind of in a state of shock that we're together. I think this is the first time I've admired somebody from a distance, felt this unspoken chemistry, and something has actually materialized.

 

It's good that you are aware of this. Keep that in mind before you dive headfirst into a relationship. Just try to make sure (I know, easier said than done) that this is good for you and that this is also what you need and want.

[shadowplay]

Thanks, Stock. You always give thoughtful, detailed advice.

 

Just be careful there. You think he isn't clingy because you (understandably) like and enjoy that attention right now.

 

He is a welcome change for you and he is your first crush that translated into real life potential. That might cloud your judgment. If you weren't sold on him, you'd feel pressured by his behaviour and probably consider it clingy.

 

Maybe you're on to something. I just assume he's not clingy because it doesn't seem to mesh with his overall personality, which is fairly confident and chill. The funny thing is when we're intimate he suddenly gets really intense. I like that contrast. I guess it's possible he's secretly clingy and I'll find out later. But usually clingy guys seem kind of insecure and shallow. I don't detect those traits in him at this point.

 

Also, please make sure he is a good guy. I am really not trying to make you doubt him. I am like your guy in some ways, investing emotionally into a possible relationship early on. That is not always a good thing, as that can cause problems too when you hit the first bump in the road.

 

Yeah, I'll try to lower my expectations a bit and judge him more objectively. I don't want to crash if I'm disappointed.

[Stockalone]

Thanks, Stock. You always give thoughtful, detailed advice.

 

Thanks. I do tend to over-analyze things, so keep that in mind.

 

 

Maybe you're on to something. I just assume he's not clingy because it doesn't seem to mesh with his overall personality, which is fairly confident and chill. The funny thing is when we're intimate he suddenly gets really intense. I like that contrast. I guess it's possible he's secretly clingy and I'll find out later. But usually clingy guys seem kind of insecure and shallow. I don't detect those traits in him at this point.

 

LOL, I didn't mean to imply that he is insecure or shallow. How does being needy imply being shallow anyway? I know it's OT, but I never heard that before.

 

What I meant is, he is basically monopolizing your spare time and wants to see you every day. And on the day he isn't seeing you, he looks for things to do when you get together the next time.

 

I don't think that is bad. It's just that IME, many women are a bit wary of a man who invests so much so soon. Sometimes they feel this puts too much pressure on them.

 

I don't want you to doubt him for no reason. But at the same time, I don't want you to get carried away "just" because he shows strong interest.

[kizik]

OP, maybe you should stop judging him and trying to find fault in him.

 

He is not perfect.

 

No one is.

 

He will disappoint you. You will disappoint him.

 

But all that's down the road. For now, enjoy the courtship, and the illusion of his perfection.

[shadowplay]

Thanks. I do tend to over-analyze things, so keep that in mind.

 

 

 

 

LOL, I didn't mean to imply that he is insecure or shallow. How does being needy imply being shallow anyway? I know it's OT, but I never heard that before.

 

What I meant is, he is basically monopolizing your spare time and wants to see you every day. And on the day he isn't seeing you, he looks for things to do when you get together the next time.

 

I don't think that is bad. It's just that IME, many women are a bit wary of a man who invests so much so soon. Sometimes they feel this puts too much pressure on them.

 

I don't want you to doubt him for no reason. But at the same time, I don't want you to get carried away "just" because he shows strong interest.

 

Thanks for clarifying.

 

Just to explain, I have a specific definition of clingy based on personal experience that may not jive with the common usage. Usually people that I consider clingy are those who just need to attach to someone of the opposite sex, and the person to whom they attach is of little importance aside from a few superficial personality traits.

[shadowplay]

Something feels wrong all of a sudden. Like very wrong, but I can't tell if it's all in my head.

 

We decided to see each other last night instead of tonight, and we finally had sex. I'm worried that I made a mistake but it was hard to say no in the moment. It's only the fourth time we've seen each other so it seems pretty early.

 

While we were being intimate I asked him if he wants to be exclusive and he said "yeah" and asked me if I did and I agreed.

 

I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling in my gut. Again, this may all be in my imagination, but....

 

I got a strange feeling that after we had sex he was less into me. Usually he sends me a text or something the morning after we see each other and this morning nada.

 

Something seemed subtly different in his demeanor...so subtle that it's hard to tell whether I made it up.

 

I have this bad feeling that despite what he said about the exclusivity this is more of a FWB thing than anything. Or he has no desire for a serious relationship. There are a few things I notice. One, he never asks me very personal questions unless it's directly related to what we're talking about. He's never asked me about my family, if I have any siblings, basic stuff. Which is kind of weird. He's also very non-verbal. Aside from that one burst of hyperbole I mentioned early, he's never said anything to indicate he really likes me. No compliments either.

 

It's possible this is just his style, as he's not very verbal in general. He's a bad writer, for example.

 

I don't know, guys. The last thing I want is to get involved with and attached to somebody who wants a half-assed relationship...or can't provide me anything in return.

 

But like I said since he's so non-verbal I could be totally jumping to conclusions. How do I find out where he stands? I don't want to scare him off by questioning the nature of our relationship so early on, but I feel that it's important. Any advice on what to say/do? I would really appreciate it.

[shadowplay]

Oh, he just sent me a text that said "heyy." And then "I've been so bored. I'm the only person who's been here all day (at the art building)."

 

Meh.

[donnamaybe]

Oh, he just sent me a text that said "heyy." And then "I've been so bored. I'm the only person who's been here all day (at the art building)."

 

Meh.

 

See. He's initiating conversation. If he were just trying to "hit it and quit it" he would be avoiding you right now.

 

You have GOT to stop being so negative and reading things into nothing at all! Just roll with it!!!!

 

If something happens and you end it, move on to the next! I remember seeing your pic. You're a very pretty girl. There will always be a "next."

[jw90063]

Something feels wrong all of a sudden. Like very wrong, but I can't tell if it's all in my head.

 

We decided to see each other last night instead of tonight, and we finally had sex. I'm worried that I made a mistake but it was hard to say no in the moment. It's only the fourth time we've seen each other so it seems pretty early.

 

While we were being intimate I asked him if he wants to be exclusive and he said "yeah" and asked me if I did and I agreed.

 

I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling in my gut. Again, this may all be in my imagination, but....

 

I got a strange feeling that after we had sex he was less into me. Usually he sends me a text or something the morning after we see each other and this morning nada.

 

Something seemed subtly different in his demeanor...so subtle that it's hard to tell whether I made it up.

 

I have this bad feeling that despite what he said about the exclusivity this is more of a FWB thing than anything. Or he has no desire for a serious relationship. There are a few things I notice. One, he never asks me very personal questions unless it's directly related to what we're talking about. He's never asked me about my family, if I have any siblings, basic stuff. Which is kind of weird. He's also very non-verbal. Aside from that one burst of hyperbole I mentioned early, he's never said anything to indicate he really likes me. No compliments either.

 

It's possible this is just his style, as he's not very verbal in general. He's a bad writer, for example.

 

I don't know, guys. The last thing I want is to get involved with and attached to somebody who wants a half-assed relationship...or can't provide me anything in return.

 

But like I said since he's so non-verbal I could be totally jumping to conclusions. How do I find out where he stands? I don't want to scare him off by questioning the nature of our relationship so early on, but I feel that it's important. Any advice on what to say/do? I would really appreciate it.

 

 

I have to say, asking him if he wants to be exclusive during intimacy wasn't the best of ideas.

[shadowplay]

I have to say, asking him if he wants to be exclusive during intimacy wasn't the best of ideas.

 

Yeah, I know. It was awkward. I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

[jw90063]

Yeah, I know. It was awkward. I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

 

Hopefully he does want something exclusive. I understand your concern. Also, would bug me that he doesn't ask you personal questions. The second thing bothersome would be not asking about your family. Some guys are just like that. It doesn't mean they are not truly interested in you. I've had guys do this sort of thing in the past, and I actually brought it up. I asked them why they never asked me personal questions or anything about my family. They just gave me some dumb excuse. Unfortunately, those were the guys that I never had a relationship with. I just could never trust their intentions enough.

[boogieboy]

Yeah you might be paranoid. Take a step back and give him a few days to make sure he isnt thinking of you as a FWB.

[shadowplay]

Yeah you might be paranoid. Take a step back and give him a few days to make sure he isnt thinking of you as a FWB.

 

How will I know, though? I mean we have plans for the weekend that we made two days ago, so either way I'd be hearing from him again.