Author shadowplay Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Good signs, particularly him asking you to have dinner tonight, within your previous date! IME, men who are interested, ensure they've got your time under lock and key, rather than gaming you with a delay of a couple or more days. Yeah, it's nice to date a guy who's clearly interested after dealing with some flakes in the past! This guy isn't playing any games either. As you and others have said, when a guy is genuinely interested you'll know it.
Ariadne Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yeah, it's nice to date a guy who's clearly interested after dealing with some flakes in the past! This guy isn't playing any games either. As you and others have said, when a guy is genuinely interested you'll know it. Yeah.....
threebyfate Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yeah, it's nice to date a guy who's clearly interested after dealing with some flakes in the past! This guy isn't playing any games either. As you and others have said, when a guy is genuinely interested you'll know it.Missile guidance system locked on target, with no deviation! That's a good way to put it, "genuinely interested".
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Ladies remember: when you have to come on LS and post to try to figure out how into you he is, the answer is always he is not. When a guy is into you - there will be no doubt in your mind. He will want to spend lots of time with you and all communication will be returned promptly. If you think "I have sent him a text and now it's 2 days later and he still hasn't responded.." I don't care how amazing your last date was, he isn't into you....
Star Gazer Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Ladies remember: when you have to come on LS and post to try to figure out how into you he is, the answer is always he is not. When a guy is into you - there will be no doubt in your mind. He will want to spend lots of time with you and all communication will be returned promptly. If you think "I have sent him a text and now it's 2 days later and he still hasn't responded.." I don't care how amazing your last date was, he isn't into you.... Absolutely!
Author shadowplay Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 I'm feeling like the pace of this courtship is moving a little fast for me. This is the last week of the semester and I'm swamped with work, so I don't have the time to see him that often. But he seems to want to see me almost every day. We haven't discussed this; it's just the sense I get. I really like him, but I wish we could see each other less this week so I get my work done. I also have trouble sleeping when I stay at his place. I guess I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed since I'm just getting to know him and we're already seeing each other so often. Maybe I'm overreacting. How do I communicate this without sending the message that I'm not interested?
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 The next time he asks you out: "I have an insane amount of work to get done in the next week or so and there's not enough time to get it done, so I'm getting totally stressed out. Can we push our next date out to [define date], so I can fully focus on you?"
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I'm feeling like the pace of this courtship is moving a little fast for me. This is the last week of the semester and I'm swamped with work, so I don't have the time to see him that often. But he seems to want to see me almost every day. We haven't discussed this; it's just the sense I get. I really like him, but I wish we could see each other less this week so I get my work done. I also have trouble sleeping when I stay at his place. I guess I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed since I'm just getting to know him and we're already seeing each other so often. Maybe I'm overreacting. How do I communicate this without sending the message that I'm not interested? Just be honest at tell him this (the bolded parts). As for trouble sleeping, I so get that. When I am with a new guy, I have trouble sleeping at his place or even in my own bed (with him in it). It's just that I have so many anxieties when it comes to relationships that I have trouble settling and relaxing. It will pass.
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Also, shadow you have the control over the pace of courtship. Feel free to set it to what feels comfortable to YOU. Do not feel like you have to please him all the time.
Stockalone Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 How do I communicate this without sending the message that I'm not interested? Well, you were the one who spent the night in his bed on the first few dates. You can't backpedal now. Seriously though, during a conversation, you could simply mention how much you have to do, finishing papers, or whatever your assignments are that are due this week. Then proceed to tell him that you really need to get this done and the time to do it has to come from somewhere. I am sure he'll understand if you can't see him everyday. School is very important. He probably needs to get some stuff done too. Besides, seeing someone everyday is a lot. It is not unreasonable for you to not want to spend every day with someone you are just getting to know. Some time apart is IMO needed to assess how much you like someone. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting lost in the new romance. Having trouble to sleep in another bed is also very common. That said, if you bring up both things at the same time, it can be misunderstood. It could send the message that you are not comfortable around him. Which isn't the case with you, but he doesn't necessarily know that. But this guy likes you. He won't mind waiting a few days to see you again as long as you make it clear that you want to see him again, but that you simply don't have enough time this week. Just tell him the truth. That you have so much on your plate (school) that spending time with him so often (and sleeping over often) is just a bit too much for you right now. I don't know if you both go home for Christmas, but you could offer to spend the last few days, before you go home, together. When you are both done with your assignments, you have one thing less to worry about and can be more relaxed and enjoy some time together before the break.
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 shadow, are you really into him or is all this attention freaking you out, whereby your schoolwork is almost an excuse to get some distance?
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 shadow, are you really into him or is all this attention freaking you out, whereby your schoolwork is almost an excuse to get some distance? This thought has occured to me as well.
Stockalone Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 shadow, are you really into him or is all this attention freaking you out, whereby your schoolwork is almost an excuse to get some distance? This thought has occured to me as well. I am sure it does freak her out a little. But I think if that is the case, it is understandable and normal. He is acting differently than her previous, flaky dates. A few days by herself can help her decide how she feels. Whether it's just some nervousness on her part or if she isn't into him that much.
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I don't disagree with you Stock. As long as she gives this a fighting chance to get off the ground, it's all good. In order to do so, if she's fighting something within herself, a pattern of historical behaviour, she has to acknowledge to herself that this is the root of the problem and reroute her thought processes. I don't know if you know shadow's attraction to emotionally unavailable men. But if this is something simple, like needing to get a little air, then some time will help her, which is why I posted my original post with what to say, in order for her not to push him away.
Author shadowplay Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Hey guys, I hope the below will answer your questions. We had another date last night. He, his brother and his roommates made a delicious sausage dinner. He seems more and more into me. During a moment of silence when we were kissing he blurted out "you're like the smartest, most beautiful girl in the world," which surprised me as he's not given to hyperbole. I started laughing as I was thinking to myself "Let's not get carried away here -- I'm not THAT great," but it was still cute to hear. He's remarkably patient and respectful with the physical stuff. I get the sense he actually enjoys taking it slowly, which is cool. I'm still not sure how I feel about him. I know that I really like him, but something's holding me back. It's like this wall of coldness inside. I was thinking about it last night and wondering if I'm just emotionally unavailable to men in general. I don't think it's anything about him. I've kind of felt this way with every guy I've been with. It's frustrating because from a distance, I can feel seemingly rich emotions towards guys I barely even know by weaving a fantasy. And there's all this anticipation leading up to finally being with them. But then when I am, the feelings suddenly evaporate. It's as if I'm so close to them, that I can't see them entirely, like I'm missing the forest for the threes. I really want to nip this in the bud before it becomes a problem. I don't want to let it ruin things with S because he's great. He seems very solid and healthy. Another thing is he's 22, which is 4 years younger than me. I can't overemphasize how mature he is for his age -- in fact more mature than a lot of guys in their late twenties and early thrities. but still I wonder if this will turn into a problem later on. He doesn't know how old I am. He's never asked, and he probably assumes I'm 21-22 like everybody does. But I don't know how to bring up my age. I'm worried it will scare him off. I guess I'm a little uncomfortable with the amount of attention. I do have a lot of work, but seeing him almost every day is becoming overwhelming. The sleep thing is becoming a real problem as well. Part of it is he likes to maintain physical contact even when sleeping. I like cuddling, but once I'm actually trying to sleep I can't have anyone touching me. This morning I was trying to sleep and he kept lightly stroking me. I didn't want to say anything, because I was worried it would send the wrong message. TBF, I basically told him what you suggested. I said that I'm swamped with work during the week but will be available later on at which point I can focus fully on him. He seemed totally cool with that.
Author shadowplay Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I just want to add that he's not clingy at all, so I hope my post didn't give that impression. His behavior seems normal for somebody who's very interested. I think I'm just used to flakes, so this was unexpected.
Author shadowplay Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I'm actually feeling a lot better about him now. I guess a little bit of time to reflect helped. I saw him today in the art building and he was on a computer looking at music shows in the city for us to see. I don't know it's weird. He's just so....normal. I don't mean in a bad way like boring. But he doesn't seem to have any obvious personality flaws. He seems mature and together. My only question is why he's not pushing for the sex more. He's really into it when we're intimate, but he's never asked if we can have sex or tried to, despite the fact that we've come very close. Oh another thing....I feel like we need to have the exclusivity talk soon. I definitely want to have it before we have sex. How should I bring it up? Honestly I'm still kind of in a state of shock that we're together. I think this is the first time I've admired somebody from a distance, felt this unspoken chemistry, and something has actually materialized.
Ariadne Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 looking at music shows in the city for us to see. (Omg).....
Author shadowplay Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) I told him earlier today that I would be able to see him after Wednesday, and he just sent me a text that said "Blahh...I'm gonna miss you." Wow, this guy really likes me! It's cool. Edited December 8, 2009 by shadowplay
Awesome Username Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Awwwww this is so great to hear! I'm glad you found a cool guy that really likes you! Looks like someone might have a squeeze for the holidays!
Author shadowplay Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 any advice on what I wrote in the longer post above?
the beholder Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 my only advice is you sld open up abt the age thing
torranceshipman Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Shhh lovely story! Shadow, your emotional wall sounds a lot like you bring petrified of the possibility of getting hurt because you know you could really fall for him. That's natural to an extent but please don't let it stuff up a great thing! Sounds like he isn't pushing for sex cause he is interested in you on a whole lotta levels, not just sexually (a sign he is really into you). Really give this one a chance cause guys like him are rare. He sounds just like my boyfriend....he makes me extremely happy and he is more gentlemanly, into commitment, sweet, thoughtful etc than most guys out there-I know he is an exception and a keeper! So just enjoygetting to know him. Don't let feeling defensive over the chance of getting hurt stuff it up before it's even started!
kizik Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 He's just so....normal. I don't mean in a bad way like boring. But he doesn't seem to have any obvious personality flaws. He seems mature and together. And obviously this is uncomfortable for you. Clearly you don't think you deserve or will find someone who isn't "flawed". I wonder if dating when your self-esteem is so low is a good idea.
donnamaybe Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But I've already been in his bed. Lol. We just didn't have sex. So how do I handle that now without being a tease? Just have the next several dates NOT wind up in his room. That way the issue doesn't come up.
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