Beebie Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 OK, I've had to phone H tonight for a matter concerning the house (honestly). Although he is still living at home, he is rarely here and I haven't had contact with him for over 3 weeks (he does work away for a few days a week). Tonight I phoned him regarding a problem with the house and I ended up telling him he's treating me like I don't exist. I'm afraid I broke down in tears. He seemed surprised when I told him this and said HE thought I was ignoring him. I've arranged a "face to face meeting" with him for next week to sort out a few issues. I've tried so hard to live a "normal" life these last few months, but it all got too much for me today and I feel rock bottom again. Deep down I know he's got a kind heart, and a conscience, and I'm hoping I can somehow reach that person inside. Am I being foolish? The divorce process is in the hands of my Solicitor right now. I still want to save my marriage. I'm broken inside and I'm in tears.
Gunny376 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 OK, I've had to phone H tonight for a matter concerning the house (honestly). Although he is still living at home, he is rarely here and I haven't had contact with him for over 3 weeks (he does work away for a few days a week). Tonight I phoned him regarding a problem with the house and I ended up telling him he's treating me like I don't exist. I'm afraid I broke down in tears. He seemed surprised when I told him this and said HE thought I was ignoring him. I've arranged a "face to face meeting" with him for next week to sort out a few issues. I've tried so hard to live a "normal" life these last few months, but it all got too much for me today and I feel rock bottom again. Deep down I know he's got a kind heart, and a conscience, and I'm hoping I can somehow reach that person inside. Am I being foolish? The divorce process is in the hands of my Solicitor right now. I still want to save my marriage. I'm broken inside and I'm in tears. The only absolute in all of this is ~there's no absolutes? What works and applies to one couple dosen't work for another couple. For us to be helpfull your going to have to be a little more descriptive as to what's going on between the two of you?
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 The only absolute in all of this is ~there's no absolutes? What works and applies to one couple dosen't work for another couple. For us to be helpfull your going to have to be a little more descriptive as to what's going on between the two of you? Gunny's right (as usual!) Beebie - Sorry you are suffering so right now. I am on day 15 of NC now and plan to keep it that way and never contact her again. It is the only way for me to detach. You could tell him that you are not ignoring him but doing it because it is the only way you can function, i.e., to detach. That is a TRUE statement - look what happened to you when you broke NC. My stbxw also has (had?) a good heart. But she is 47 and in the middle of a torrid affair with an 18 yr old child. (UGH! ) She will NEVER be "reached" by me while she is in this state (or fog) that she is in. I mean she believes she is "IN LOVE"! If your H is in an affair the only way he will ever consider the M again is to leave the AP or if it is hidden then it needs to be exposed and then he can make up his mind one way or another. Good Luck to you... PEACE!
seanocasey Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Beebie, I am right there with you. We are not as far down the road, we have not discussed divorce yet, but I see the writing on the wall. I have been doing almost everything people tell you not to do to "win" my spouse back. Absolutely nothing has worked except "not bringing up" tough subjects when we are together. However, for the most part I have followed my heart in my pursuits and no one can blame me for that. I think what I am trying to say to you is.....it is okay IMO to follow your heart and reach out again. Kindness and love, make us better. Sean
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Beebie, I am right there with you. We are not as far down the road, we have not discussed divorce yet, but I see the writing on the wall. I have been doing almost everything people tell you not to do to "win" my spouse back. Absolutely nothing has worked except "not bringing up" tough subjects when we are together. However, for the most part I have followed my heart in my pursuits and no one can blame me for that. I think what I am trying to say to you is.....it is okay IMO to follow your heart and reach out again. Kindness and love, make us better. Sean Beebie - I wish you the best. All I can tell you is my "face to face" meetigns with the STBXW always left me feeling worse than before. She was always cold and distant and cruel and determined to give me nothing as far as hope. I hope it works for you but it didn't for me. While your WAH is in this fog he is in I don't think anything can reach him. GOOD LUCK!!!
GoodDad Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 It's hard to know what to do when your heart tells you one thing and your head another and they get reversed. I wish I had the strength to figure out what to do in my situation too. One day I want to have hope, the next day I don't know what I want. Either way, good luck on your face to face meeting.
Author Beebie Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Thank you everyone for taking the trouble to reply. Your posts have given me much needed support. Gunny - Here's the history to my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205051/ I feel a little better today. It's that damned rollercoaster - when it hits me I find it very difficult to function because my emotions are all over the place. I've brought forward "that meeting" with H to tomorrow so I'm bracing myself for whatever comes from it. Beebie, I am right there with you. We are not as far down the road, we have not discussed divorce yet, but I see the writing on the wall. I have been doing almost everything people tell you not to do to "win" my spouse back. Absolutely nothing has worked except "not bringing up" tough subjects when we are together. However, for the most part I have followed my heart in my pursuits and no one can blame me for that. I think what I am trying to say to you is.....it is okay IMO to follow your heart and reach out again. Kindness and love, make us better. Sean Sean - I know exactly what you mean and thank you. I pray some of us on here who are suffering will have a happy ending.
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Sean - I know exactly what you mean and thank you. I pray some of us on here who are suffering will have a happy ending. As do I Beebie - i hope that if I can not have the ending I prayed for that some will. GOOD LUCK!
Author Beebie Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Thanks FL98. I think I've given up on my own happy ending now. See my post re. confrontation time. It's do or die tomorrow and I'm not looking foward to it but I'll take it on the chin. I can't see how this is going to work for me but I have to do it, for my own peace of mind. I've waited a long time to do this and I can't wait to see his face when I confront him with these pictures. Wish me luck, please!
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Thanks FL98. I think I've given up on my own happy ending now. See my post re. confrontation time. It's do or die tomorrow and I'm not looking foward to it but I'll take it on the chin. I can't see how this is going to work for me but I have to do it, for my own peace of mind. I've waited a long time to do this and I can't wait to see his face when I confront him with these pictures. Wish me luck, please! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. Best of luck. I agree more with JaneDoe, not Gunny. I think you'ill regret it if you don't. Gunny's post is assuming there is ZERO chance of fixing things. Once it is ALL exposed, maybe, just maybe the M repair can begin. But you should continue to work towards making yourself financially secure like Gunny says. I think you can do both. If today does not work, I say then initiate NC and then look out for YOU. PEACE!
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