Strawberrypeaches Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I know I am making assumptions, but many of you will probably scrutonize me because of this decision. Me and my boyfriend of 1yr (known him for 4, our second relationship as last one we were very young and made big mistakes) have decided to get engaged. Im nearly 17, and I know he is the person for me. Our relationship is very mature. It does not revolve around sex, or msn, or anything silly like that. I love him and see him everyday. Lately he has been planning the engagement and has become a little different, as I have seen him everyday for the past 8 or so months I knew this was not how he normally acted, so I gnawed at what was wrong and he finally said, when I was asking if he is sure of this he became slightly blank? As in deep down he knows he wants to get engaged but on the outside he feels as though he is not sure. We cried and cried and I told him not to do it because he is not sure, but he keeps telling me he is so excited and 100% sure he wants to on the day he planned even though he has this feeling. He is acting a bit distant now, unless its me, which Im suspecting it is. Im just worried. He got this feeling when we fell inlove, and now about the engagement, will he get this when we get married? if we have a family? I know its temporary but when he has it it makes me feel as though he has fallen out of love with me, which he says he has not at all, and it makes me worried as I dont want one of the best times in my life to not be perfect. SORRY for so much writing, any advice?
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I wouldn't mind waiting, and I want him to be sure, iv made so many sacrafices for him throughout the 4 yrs of knowing him, we have grown together and tbh I know I could prob handle being engaged at this age, but I dnnoo. Everyone says wait. But there is thoes people who marry their first girlfriend who they have been with from a silly age of like..12.
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I suspect your guy may have had a flash of the considerable responsibility that comes with marriage and experienced some cold feet. There's something to be said for being established in one's life (education, career, emotionally, etc.) before thinking about establishing a life with someone else.
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I would not want to marry yet, not till Im in my 20's but he really wants to get engaged, he keeps saying it makes him really happy, and he is excited, but why did he get the cold feet? Thankyou for comments and not being judgemental
hopeful1980 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I've been with my husband since I was 17 and like you I wanted to get engaged right after high school. For some reason I felt like it would make our relationship last or something. I don't know. Anyway, I decided to go to college instead. Best decision I ever made. I'm so glad I waited and had the experience and wasn't tied down with a bills and kids. I did what I wanted and traveled and lived my life by myself. And I still married my high school sweetheart. We found our way back to each other after all those college years. If it's meant to be, it will be. Live your life. You're way to young to make such a life changing decision. Once it's done, it's done and you can't go back.
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thankyou for all this advice, its helpful. I just do not understand why he has the cold feet? he keeps telling me how much he wants to do it and how he keeps planning it and it makes him happy, yet he said he felt like how I described in my first post. Its very confusing.
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Thankyou for all this advice, its helpful. I just do not understand why he has the cold feet? he keeps telling me how much he wants to do it and how he keeps planning it and it makes him happy, yet he said he felt like how I described in my first post. Its very confusing. He probably has concerns as to whether he's ready to take such a major step in his life, wondering if he's ready for such a huge commitment. Because the fact is that you're talking about more than romance and weddings, you're talking about a lifetime commitment. And make no mistake, marriage is hard work. It HAS to be, for the marriage to be successful.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Thankyou for all this advice, its helpful. I just do not understand why he has the cold feet? he keeps telling me how much he wants to do it and how he keeps planning it and it makes him happy, yet he said he felt like how I described in my first post. Its very confusing. I think that he may get caught up in the excitement of being together forever, hence why he is so pushy about getting engaged. Then reality sets in and he starts getting scared about having all the responsibilities of a husband, earning money, paying bills, ect. Is he 17 also? If he is then I don't blame him for getting cold feet, you guys are so young! I would tell him how you feel and ask him what's up. Tell him what you told us, that you love him, but feel that he is sending you mixed messages. You two need to have a serious discussion and be 1000% sure before you take such a huge step, especially at your age.
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I think that he may get caught up in the excitement of being together forever, hence why he is so pushy about getting engaged. Then reality sets in and he starts getting scared about having all the responsibilities of a husband, earning money, paying bills, ect. Is he 17 also? If he is then I don't blame him for getting cold feet, you guys are so young! I would tell him how you feel and ask him what's up. Tell him what you told us, that you love him, but feel that he is sending you mixed messages. You two need to have a serious discussion and be 1000% sure before you take such a huge step, especially at your age. I spoke to him today, sat him down and asked why he is feeling like this etc, he basically told me that the closer the date the more and more nervous he is, that he thinks its the fact that at first he didnt realise what a responsibility it is, that he will only get to do it once, so he can't mess it up. He keeps saying he is 100% sure, and that he only gets cold feat when I ask him why he gets them. For once he has me completely baffled. What should I do? I have no idea when he will propose, but I have an idea it will be soon.
JaneInVegas Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I have 2 words for you, Long Engagement I'm quite sure he loves you, but I think it hit him really hard what you guys are about to take upon yourselves. Stay together indefinitely, but I wouldn't marry for quite some time. Don't be in a big hurry, you guys have your whole lives in front of you! Long engagements are the best. Trust me on this one, please.
kampfy chair Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Thankyou for all this advice, its helpful. I just do not understand why he has the cold feet? he keeps telling me how much he wants to do it and how he keeps planning it and it makes him happy, yet he said he felt like how I described in my first post. Its very confusing. He has cold feet because you guys are 17 YEARS OLD! Seriously, don't do it! There is absolutely no reason you need to be thinking about marriage at that age. You may have a great relationship, but you are in no way prepared yet for the hurdles you will have to face as a couple. The two of you need to live your own lives for a while before you will be ready to make that commitment. Go to college or find a job, develop your interests, set goals and meet them. In short, become an adult. If you are still sure at that point that you want to get married, by all means go for it. But you will regret jumping into it this young, I can guarantee it.
betrayed2 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Aww hunny you are still so young, he is scared and afraid to tell you he is not ready. Tell him you love him too but you two should maybe graduate school first and get careers before you start planning a family.
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