soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 It's been about a year since D day, I've gone out a few times with a colleague (totally no strings, strictly casual) a few times but now people are starting with the hook up's. You know, the situation where you show up for dinner and they've managed to drag in a spare man to seat across from you at dinner type deal. The men I've met seem nice.. but my ex did too at one time, all I can think of when I'm talking to one of them is that if the relationship progresses I'll be expected to take off my clothing.. and that the guy might run retching to the bathroom at the sight of me like my ex did or I think, "yeah he seem's nice enough now but what about in 6 months when he's jerking himself off to 20 yr old porn stars and can't manage to get and keep an erection for you?" I just can't seem to shake the idea that any man who expresses even the slightest interest in me is either crazy or is an opportunist looking for a meal ticket, that no reasonably attractive professional guy in his 50's is going to settle for a broad in her early 50's.. not when they are so many divorced gals in their late 30's early 40's that he can easily date.
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Let me start by saying that if I was single, it's difficult for me to imagine being with a woman more than a decade of my age (47). The physical component is just one of several facets I would look for in a partner. For me personally, in no way would the fact that a woman is in her early 50s be a deal-breaker. And I don't think I'm unusual at all in this regard. So, the point I'm getting at is to give these guys a chance. Go out with some (or all. Hey, what the hell, right?) of them, have some fun, and get to know them. We just might pleasantly surprise you. You struck out with the ex-H. He sounds like a complete, irredeemable motherf*cker who should spend All Eternity in a red-hot cauldron of boiling monkey urine. I could see how that sort of thing could color your opinion of men. But I think you'll find that most of us are varying shades of "okay", at the very least.
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I've read a lot of your posts on LS, and I have to say you are truly underestimating yourself. There really are lots of guys who are interested in a woman their own age who has something intelligent to say. You come across to me as a real catch who any NORMAL man would be happy to find. I think that's exactly right, and thanks for pointing out the part I left out. SS, you might be underestimating men, but you're definitely underestimating yourself.
TinyLee222 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 It's been about a year since D day, I've gone out a few times with a colleague (totally no strings, strictly casual) a few times but now people are starting with the hook up's. You know, the situation where you show up for dinner and they've managed to drag in a spare man to seat across from you at dinner type deal. The men I've met seem nice.. but my ex did too at one time, all I can think of when I'm talking to one of them is that if the relationship progresses I'll be expected to take off my clothing.. and that the guy might run retching to the bathroom at the sight of me like my ex did or I think, "yeah he seem's nice enough now but what about in 6 months when he's jerking himself off to 20 yr old porn stars and can't manage to get and keep an erection for you?" I just can't seem to shake the idea that any man who expresses even the slightest interest in me is either crazy or is an opportunist looking for a meal ticket, that no reasonably attractive professional guy in his 50's is going to settle for a broad in her early 50's.. not when they are so many divorced gals in their late 30's early 40's that he can easily date. I felt that way for a long time too. My first husband was a serial cheater. One year was way too early for me to be thinking of a long term relationship. I did however date casually. Maybe you aren't ready? It still sounds too raw if you are thinking like this. Trust me there are still really nice and normal guys out there that don't jerk off to 20 year old porn. I found one after being divorced for 6 years and I was in my late 40's. Are you involved with any organizations or do you have any hobbies? I found surrounding myself with people who shared in my interests really boosted my self esteem. I was able to network and met my husband that way. Don't rush. Enjoy life now without that dead weight attached to you. You will find someone worthy of you. Lee
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 The men I've met seem nice Sounds good; go with that. They're probably thinking the same thing. You know, the situation where you show up for dinner and they've managed to drag in a spare man to seat across from you at dinner type deal. That sounds pretty fun. Great way to meet new people without putting yourself 'out there'. IMO, having a healthy social circle of friends is a great way to meet people, even incidentally (not specific invites like you described). I just can't seem to shake the idea that any man who expresses even the slightest interest in me is either crazy or is an opportunist looking for a meal ticket I can empathize. This is a belief which many men have regarding women. I think, if/when that belief doesn't rule you, progress towards openness and trust will begin. IMO, it's really OK at our age to not 'start over'; rather, just live life. There are millions of wonderful people in the world so boiling them all down to one doesn't have to be the goal. If it happens, cool
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 soserious, what kind of man are you looking for? Would monogamy be part of the relationship?
Author soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 soserious, what kind of man are you looking for? Would monogamy be part of the relationship? Good questions, I spend a lot of hours in the lab and I travel a lot, my life's passion is also my career so I think I'd like to meet people who are either in the same or related fields. Alternatively, someone who works outdoors or with animals, someone with a deep love for and curiosity about the natural world. Monogamy? probably not, marriage definitely not.
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Good questions, I spend a lot of hours in the lab and I travel a lot, my life's passion is also my career so I think I'd like to meet people who are either in the same or related fields. Alternatively, someone who works outdoors or with animals, someone with a deep love for and curiosity about the natural world. Monogamy? probably not, marriage definitely not.Stop and think about this. Have you ever noticed that non-monogamous individuals lean towards superficiality, since sex is a sport to them?
Author soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Stop and think about this. Have you ever noticed that non-monogamous individuals lean towards superficiality, since sex is a sport to them? I am not interested in pursuing sex as a "sport" but I am also not ready or interested in entering into an exclusive relationship. People do avoid monogamy for reasons that don't involve them being a scum bucket.
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I am not interested in pursuing sex as a "sport" but I am also not ready or interested in entering into an exclusive relationship. People do avoid monogamy for reasons that don't involve them being a scum bucket.Not once did I say that non-monogamous individuals were scum buckets. If they're honest about being non-monogamous, then I can respect that they're honest with themselves. Being unable to commit, doesn't always equal being non-monogamous. Look at people in open relationships, which truly work for them. Anyways, put some thought into the more prevalent aspects of non-monogamy and focus on superficiality. Have you looked into getting involved with a swinger?
Author soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Not once did I say that non-monogamous individuals were scum buckets. If they're honest about being non-monogamous, then I can respect that they're honest with themselves. Being unable to commit, doesn't always equal being non-monogamous. Look at people in open relationships, which truly work for them. Anyways, put some thought into the more prevalent aspects of non-monogamy and focus on superficiality. Have you looked into getting involved with a swinger? Entering into a sexually exclusive relationship based in large part on the idea that a monogamous man might be less apt to dump me because I'm too old to turn him on just strikes me as wrong on more levels than I can list here:) Having said that, I'm not interested in doing swinger's clubs or parties, I'd guess I'm looking for kindred souls who subscribe to the motto "ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies" people with whom I can enjoy time, life experiences without an agenda or expectations of "more.
threebyfate Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Entering into a sexually exclusive relationship based in large part on the idea that a monogamous man might be less apt to dump me because I'm too old to turn him on just strikes me as wrong on more levels than I can list here:) Having said that, I'm not interested in doing swinger's clubs or parties, I'd guess I'm looking for kindred souls who subscribe to the motto "ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies" people with whom I can enjoy time, life experiences without an agenda or expectations of "more.Hell no, you've jumped to another inaccurate conclusion about what I was trying to say! Non-monogamous individuals tend to try to stay in attractive shape, so they can attract as many individuals, as possible. They also tend to look for attractive individuals of similar mindset. This is common sense. You have a physical self-esteem problem, in that your ex mind-screwed you badly. So how can you make these two mindsets meet?
Author soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Hell no, you've jumped to another inaccurate conclusion about what I was trying to say! Non-monogamous individuals tend to try to stay in attractive shape, so they can attract as many individuals, as possible. They also tend to look for attractive individuals of similar mindset. This is common sense. You have a physical self-esteem problem, in that your ex mind-screwed you badly. So how can you make these two mindsets meet? I think the vast majority of people these days try to stay attractive and in shape, not just people who swing Yes, I have self-esteem issues based in part on my marriage but also based on the very hard reality that decent looking, reasonably educated single men be they swingers or monogamous in my age range prefer younger women. An eligible 55 yr old can date me... or he can date a 37 yr old.. the 37 yr old will win that contest 99.9% of the time Edited November 24, 2009 by soserious1
dazzle22 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 It's been about a year since D day, I've gone out a few times with a colleague (totally no strings, strictly casual) a few times but now people are starting with the hook up's. You know, the situation where you show up for dinner and they've managed to drag in a spare man to seat across from you at dinner type deal. The men I've met seem nice.. but my ex did too at one time, all I can think of when I'm talking to one of them is that if the relationship progresses I'll be expected to take off my clothing.. and that the guy might run retching to the bathroom at the sight of me like my ex did or I think, "yeah he seem's nice enough now but what about in 6 months when he's jerking himself off to 20 yr old porn stars and can't manage to get and keep an erection for you?" I just can't seem to shake the idea that any man who expresses even the slightest interest in me is either crazy or is an opportunist looking for a meal ticket, that no reasonably attractive professional guy in his 50's is going to settle for a broad in her early 50's.. not when they are so many divorced gals in their late 30's early 40's that he can easily date. I sympathize with you. I got divorced at 49 and got taken to the cleaners to boot because my ex had been in a mid life crisis for 11 yrs and hadn't worked, so I owed HIM alimony or a lump sum settlement! What you say is true. It is a TOTAL jungle out there, many women, fewer men. The men have the upper hand totally and there are so many ho tramps they can choose from where they can get sex with no strings attached. I think the key is to just go on with your life, living quite selfishly, doing everything you ever wanted to do for yourself, and not look. I mean that. DON'T LOOK. I found my husband when I was not even thinking about finding anyone. He is 12 years younger than me and gorgeous! He says no other women come close to me as far as being interesting, intelligent, funny, and he has had MANY women. Use this time to work on yourself. Do something that you are passionate about, work out, keep your endorphins up, cultivate friends, but make it clear to them you do NOT appreciate being set up, that it makes you look pathetic and desperate, and you don't want MEDDLING. And guard your heart, and don't sleep with ANYONE too soon. That is what it seems to be all about these days. Sleep with someone first, ask questions later. And there are so many men out there boinking numerous women at once, AND addicted to porn to boot that you have to be very careful...
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