I need all players stories

[minutebyminute]

I started a new thread, same content, but hope to find results I am looking for.

 

Okay here goes. . .Round #2,

 

The reason I feel better today is because I found this site. My mouth hung open when I read some of the stories. I don't stand alone.

 

I need to clarify a few things in the my other thread. I was in bed for three months-I didn't want to look for a job, I cried a lot, I took care of my kids fantastically as I have always done, but I was devistated.

 

I never saw it coming with this OM. He pursued me and then got his conquest. He always left his options open, but made me believe I was the one. He made me feel jealous, never had the opportunity to meet this evil emotion, but he also made me feel like a woman again, sexy and alive. He listened to me, something no one ever did, or was he listening only to know how to love me, as another player pointed out in a post.

 

My H never had time for me. I basically became the live in maid, lunch lady, caretaker etc from the beginning of our marriage. He manipulated me to go along with whatever he wanted out of his life-he distanced me from my family gradually and has never liked any of my friends.

 

The OM simply filled all the empty spots in my life along with love which I don't think I have ever felt. He lived through the pain I was going through side by side, or did he just need a job, money, sex when he wanted it.

 

My H finally listened to me he had to he was loosing me. I told him just a handful of things he had done to me that I could never forgive him for and devastated me. He said he never remembers any of them. He said he was going to win me back, it wasn't over. That hurt me that he hurt, but I was angry, why did it have to come to this for him to see me?

 

What were my chances with the OM. My H used my children by telling them things only we should have discussed. He cried in front of my kids telling them I was splitting up the family. After I left and ruined everyone around me, my kids would hate the OM & I shouldn't be doing it for the OM, but myself.

 

We were/are in crisis financially, how could I support the kids and be the supermom I have always been? All the family wanted to know, asking me to please consider everything most importantly our children make a choice, then go back and make it again. I've been used to living and working alone, but all the time married, taking care of all the details, so why not be happy, come home happy, do something for me for once and have love too!

 

Well, as things unfolded the only logical/moral thing to do was to move on with the H, keeping the kids happy and secure. My fantasy of what I could do by myself was just that, a fantasy. I never intended to end the affair, just wanted the dust to settle. The OM never ended it with me either, like I said he always kept his options open.

 

 

I was so afraid that I was going to lose my one true love sent to me just for me. Then the what ifs came. The OM and I vowed to always keep in touch.. forever. Slowly my friends stopped returning my calls, hey they have jobs, I have a lot of time, I understand. I was hurting so bad and needed to talk. I called the OM -Who was he with when I called him that day, how could I be replaced??How could he treat me like this? I felt betrayed, I was hot with jealously-I kept seeing him with another woman, the visions were too vivid I told him I couldn't believe the treatment, so I told him that he could go f**k himself-He shut me out. The only way I had to contact him was by phone and he wasn't responding. why did he turn his back on me when I needed him the most?

 

I did all the classic things, text, drunk dial etc.

He finally calls, but to tell me he is going on a trip with a much younger woman who claims to love him, how beautiful she is and gory details. They have known each other like 2.5 months. . .

That HURT! I don't think I have ever cried so hard. It felt like someone had died. Why, why WHY! Why did he tell me these things?Why did he tell me about his new sex life after we had a love affair and knowing how much he means to me and how up until now willing to still be with him?????

 

Then reality hit.Then I did a lot of reading. Now I need answers. In matters of the heart there is nothing like cold hard facts to get you back on track.

 

Someday this will be a memory,as my very wise old mom told me, but right now I need to find my way there.

 

As for my H & myself, we are taking it very slow. He tries harder, I can see that. He listens better, I can see him differently now. I will never ever let him talk to me or treat me the way he did in the past, not even one word i let him slip by me. As I am trying to let go of the OM, but still clinging to the fantasy that some day(boy I got it bad) I think maybe we could try over again. I don't know, but I do know I made a the best choice for our family right now.

 

I need a slap in the face better than the one the OM gave me so please

ALL PLAYERS GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT! Thank you

[jwi71]

I need to clarify a few things in the my other thread. I was in bed for three months-I didn't want to look for a job, I cried a lot, I took care of my kids fantastically as I have always done, but I was devistated.

 

Is this a continuation of the thread in infidelity? Because that thread wasn't written by someone who speaks English. It was a mess.

 

I never saw it coming with this OM. He pursued me and then got his conquest. He always left his options open, but made me believe I was the one. He made me feel jealous, never had the opportunity to meet this evil emotion, but he also made me feel like a woman again, sexy and alive. He listened to me, something no one ever did, or was he listening only to know how to love me, as another player pointed out in a post.

 

Got it. After years of a bad marriage he comes along and fills the holes. Which is aptly put btw. Why did he do it? Because he can.

 

My H never had time for me. I basically became the live in maid, lunch lady, caretaker etc from the beginning of our marriage. He manipulated me to go along with whatever he wanted out of his life-he distanced me from my family gradually and has never liked any of my friends.

 

Family business right? Let me ask you this. Did you simply work there like an employee or did you handle the accounting, strategy, legal, sales (outside), etc? I ask as there is a big difference in "manning the cash register" and actually "running the business". If you left the "running the business" part to your H...then I'm not sure YOU helped HIM other than saving the cost of a cashier. Don't take these literally...I hope you get my point here. A small(?) business requires TONS of time from those "running the business"...could that by why he was "gone"?

 

Basically, what you see as "gone" is really "busting his rear to provide".

Might that be the case?

 

The OM simply filled all the empty spots in my life along with love which I don't think I have ever felt. He lived through the pain I was going through side by side, or did he just need a job, money, sex when he wanted it

.

 

Good observation on "filling the empty spots". I happen to agree.

So, you hired this guy and began an A with him. Where was your H during this? Was he at the premises or was he out tending to the business? See where I'm going with this?

 

Now, for your OM's motivations...I think you already know. He needed a job, money and sex...all of which you provided. When he got laid off for screwing the owners wife, he moved on. That's not hard to figure out. Why? Because he can.

 

My H finally listened to me he had to he was loosing me. I told him just a handful of things he had done to me that I could never forgive him for and devastated me. He said he never remembers any of them. He said he was going to win me back, it wasn't over. That hurt me that he hurt, but I was angry, why did it have to come to this for him to see me?

 

Taken for granted. Been there, done that (giving and receiving). Its a horrible place to be - and even a bit of a twisted compliment. Cure?

Communication. Hard to do with H away (and/or taking you for granted).

 

I think MC for you both and IC would help. Maybe your M can be saved, likely not (I believe its almost impossible to truly recover). In any case, you need to figure out why YOU handled the situation as you did. That's between you and your IC. I would suggest a pastor, seeing as you indicate financial crisis.

 

What were my chances with the OM.

 

Right near zero. The vast majority end like this, rarely do they end up happily ever after.

 

My H used my children by telling them things only we should have discussed. He cried in front of my kids telling them I was splitting up the family.

 

How old are they?

Because Im not sure telling them what you did is "using them".

Don't your children deserve to know why their family is in such upheaval? Don't you think they deserve to know why the family unit is disintegrating?

After I left and ruined everyone around me, my kids would hate the OM & I shouldn't be doing it for the OM, but myself.

 

You left? Filed for D? Or have you already D your H? Did you move out? Did you move out to be with the OM? Can you elaborate on this?

 

We were/are in crisis financially, how could I support the kids and be the supermom I have always been? All the family wanted to know, asking me to please consider everything most importantly our children make a choice, then go back and make it again. I've been used to living and working alone, but all the time married, taking care of all the details, so why not be happy, come home happy, do something for me for once and have love too!

 

That sounds an awful like staying for the money. Which robs you, your children and your H of a happy life. Look, if you aren't happy...then leave. File for D and move on.

 

And staying for the kids is just as bad.

 

If you stay, you stay because you want to make an honest effort to reconnect with your H. Anything less is unhealthy. Divorce is NOT the stigma it once was.

 

Well, as things unfolded the only logical/moral thing to do was to move on with the H, keeping the kids happy and secure.

 

I do not think this is your best course of action. If you are staying "for the kids" or "for the lifestyle"...your life never really gets better. Why would you commit yourself to a M where there is no love, fulfillment or happiness? Look, your another A just waiting to happen.

 

At the very least, tell your H your plan. Have an open M so the empty spots in HIS life are filled by another.

My fantasy of what I could do by myself was just that, a fantasy.

 

Than take steps to make it a reality. Go to school. Look for a job. Life is what you make of it...so get busy weaning yourself for the "poor martyr, SAHM" routine.

I never intended to end the affair, just wanted the dust to settle. The OM never ended it with me either, like I said he always kept his options open.

 

Please, I beg you to get on your feet and D your H. You can, with work, get to a position where you are on your own and not dependent on your H. It sounds like a horrible way to live...and that WILL rub off on your kids. They, and you know this, can sense your emotional state. Don't subject them to that...day in and day out of being unhappy. Choose happiness.

 

Your OM? Well...he got what he wanted and moved on. You should be lucky he doesn't sue YOU. For wrongful termination and sexual harassment. He can you know...might even get money out of you.

 

I was so afraid that I was going to lose my one true love sent to me just for me. Then the what ifs came. The OM and I vowed to always keep in touch.. forever. Slowly my friends stopped returning my calls, hey they have jobs, I have a lot of time, I understand. I was hurting so bad and needed to talk. I called the OM -Who was he with when I called him that day, how could I be replaced??How could he treat me like this? I felt betrayed, I was hot with jealously-I kept seeing him with another woman, the visions were too vivid I told him I couldn't believe the treatment, so I told him that he could go f**k himself-He shut me out. The only way I had to contact him was by phone and he wasn't responding. why did he turn his back on me when I needed him the most?

 

Because you were a paycheck and "fun".

Don't believe me? How long did he wait to find a replacement?

Look, you loved him and he didn't love you. He used you. Why? Because he can.

 

Pining after him achieves nothing but more heartache. Let. It. Go.

 

I did all the classic things, text, drunk dial etc.

 

Disturbing is more like it.

 

He finally calls, but to tell me he is going on a trip with a much younger woman who claims to love him, how beautiful she is and gory details. They have known each other like 2.5 months. . .

That HURT! I don't think I have ever cried so hard. It felt like someone had died. Why, why WHY! Why did he tell me these things?Why did he tell me about his new sex life after we had a love affair and knowing how much he means to me and how up until now willing to still be with him?????

 

Because he DOESN'T care about you. I get the impression that he is annoyed by your calls. He told you this to get you to go away. TAke the hint and let him go. His ACTIONS prove his intent and lack of feeling. To hold on to this does you nothing good.

 

As for my H & myself, we are taking it very slow. He tries harder, I can see that. He listens better, I can see him differently now. I will never ever let him talk to me or treat me the way he did in the past, not even one word i let him slip by me.

 

Is he allowed the same rigor in testing your honesty and fidelity? Make this a two way street...not just you lashing out in anger at his past treatment. (hint, hint).

 

As I am trying to let go of the OM, but still clinging to the fantasy that some day(boy I got it bad) I think maybe we could try over again. I don't know, but I do know I made a the best choice for our family right now.

 

I doubt it. I also doubt you are doing any real favors to your family.

 

My opinion is for you and your H to go to MC. See if this M can be saved. Or had too much damage made that impossible. I am also of the belief that staying in a M for any reason other than love is prison. Don't shackle yourself like that.

 

Hey, I'm 38, D my WS and I have two kids under 6. My kids? Adjusting as well as possible. Me? Mostly good days with rare bad ones. And I even have a GF now. Life is looking up. Finally.

 

See...your life CAN be better. IF you stay, do so out of love for your H. NO other reason. If you leave, that fantasy can be reality. Life is what you make of it...so make it.

[hopeless4u]

Is this a continuation of the thread in infidelity? Because that thread wasn't written by someone who speaks English. It was a mess.

 

 

 

Got it. After years of a bad marriage he comes along and fills the holes. Which is aptly put btw. Why did he do it? Because he can.

 

 

 

Family business right? Let me ask you this. Did you simply work there like an employee or did you handle the accounting, strategy, legal, sales (outside), etc? I ask as there is a big difference in "manning the cash register" and actually "running the business". If you left the "running the business" part to your H...then I'm not sure YOU helped HIM other than saving the cost of a cashier. Don't take these literally...I hope you get my point here. A small(?) business requires TONS of time from those "running the business"...could that by why he was "gone"?

 

Basically, what you see as "gone" is really "busting his rear to provide".

Might that be the case?

 

.

 

Good observation on "filling the empty spots". I happen to agree.

So, you hired this guy and began an A with him. Where was your H during this? Was he at the premises or was he out tending to the business? See where I'm going with this?

 

Now, for your OM's motivations...I think you already know. He needed a job, money and sex...all of which you provided. When he got laid off for screwing the owners wife, he moved on. That's not hard to figure out. Why? Because he can.

 

 

 

Taken for granted. Been there, done that (giving and receiving). Its a horrible place to be - and even a bit of a twisted compliment. Cure?

Communication. Hard to do with H away (and/or taking you for granted).

 

I think MC for you both and IC would help. Maybe your M can be saved, likely not (I believe its almost impossible to truly recover). In any case, you need to figure out why YOU handled the situation as you did. That's between you and your IC. I would suggest a pastor, seeing as you indicate financial crisis.

 

 

 

Right near zero. The vast majority end like this, rarely do they end up happily ever after.

 

 

 

How old are they?

Because Im not sure telling them what you did is "using them".

Don't your children deserve to know why their family is in such upheaval? Don't you think they deserve to know why the family unit is disintegrating?

 

 

You left? Filed for D? Or have you already D your H? Did you move out? Did you move out to be with the OM? Can you elaborate on this?

 

 

 

That sounds an awful like staying for the money. Which robs you, your children and your H of a happy life. Look, if you aren't happy...then leave. File for D and move on.

 

And staying for the kids is just as bad.

 

If you stay, you stay because you want to make an honest effort to reconnect with your H. Anything less is unhealthy. Divorce is NOT the stigma it once was.

 

 

 

I do not think this is your best course of action. If you are staying "for the kids" or "for the lifestyle"...your life never really gets better. Why would you commit yourself to a M where there is no love, fulfillment or happiness? Look, your another A just waiting to happen.

 

At the very least, tell your H your plan. Have an open M so the empty spots in HIS life are filled by another.

 

 

Than take steps to make it a reality. Go to school. Look for a job. Life is what you make of it...so get busy weaning yourself for the "poor martyr, SAHM" routine.

 

 

Please, I beg you to get on your feet and D your H. You can, with work, get to a position where you are on your own and not dependent on your H. It sounds like a horrible way to live...and that WILL rub off on your kids. They, and you know this, can sense your emotional state. Don't subject them to that...day in and day out of being unhappy. Choose happiness.

 

Your OM? Well...he got what he wanted and moved on. You should be lucky he doesn't sue YOU. For wrongful termination and sexual harassment. He can you know...might even get money out of you.

 

 

 

Because you were a paycheck and "fun".

Don't believe me? How long did he wait to find a replacement?

Look, you loved him and he didn't love you. He used you. Why? Because he can.

 

Pining after him achieves nothing but more heartache. Let. It. Go.

 

 

 

Disturbing is more like it.

 

 

 

Because he DOESN'T care about you. I get the impression that he is annoyed by your calls. He told you this to get you to go away. TAke the hint and let him go. His ACTIONS prove his intent and lack of feeling. To hold on to this does you nothing good.

 

 

 

Is he allowed the same rigor in testing your honesty and fidelity? Make this a two way street...not just you lashing out in anger at his past treatment. (hint, hint).

 

 

 

I doubt it. I also doubt you are doing any real favors to your family.

 

My opinion is for you and your H to go to MC. See if this M can be saved. Or had too much damage made that impossible. I am also of the belief that staying in a M for any reason other than love is prison. Don't shackle yourself like that.

 

Hey, I'm 38, D my WS and I have two kids under 6. My kids? Adjusting as well as possible. Me? Mostly good days with rare bad ones. And I even have a GF now. Life is looking up. Finally.

 

See...your life CAN be better. IF you stay, do so out of love for your H. NO other reason. If you leave, that fantasy can be reality. Life is what you make of it...so make it.

 

Tough, straight to the point and very true advice as always jwi71!

I remember the advice you gave me on my 1st post, certainly hit the spot and brought me to my senses!

I totally agree.

[minutebyminute]

Thank you so much for not only replying, but dissecting my horrible thread into parts. I just spent an hour replying to you and was not able to post due to a faulty flex capacitor or something.

 

I'll try again.

 

We had an independent business that was successful. My husband has always made sure he had nights off as well as at least one full day if not two. I on the otherhand worked whatever it took, which is what you have to do if you want a successful business. My day started by getting the kids up, packing lunches, and driving them to school. I then went home cleaned up, fixed dinner and off to work. My hours would vary due to business volume and closed to my standards. anywhere from 8-16 hours a day. I would pick up the kids in the afternoon and I would go back when the H got home.

 

He never really watched the kids at first, he was too busy with his yard, drinking beer and smoking dope,(I do NOT smoke!) he would just tell the kids to play inside and come out if they needed something. He would feed them, put them to bed and leave ALL dishes, clothes, towels for me to clean up when I got home.

 

When he saw that the business was failing due to economic times, he tucked tail and hid. I worked harder, I laid people off and covered their

shifts. I was a one woman working machine. We were not going to fail! The H was forced to take on more responsibility with the kids for obvious reasons and there became a nice bond between the H and the kids. I liked that.

 

In walks the OM. He was a really hard worker, doing things he didn't have to do. He came up with all kinds of ideas to strengthen our business. My husband made fun of his ideas and continued to hide. He had already decided to surrender. The OM spent a lot of his own time marketing the business, took no check when I couldn't cover payroll etc, helped me do the manual work when I had to lay off the privelages of the business and helped cut corners with me. All the while my husband mocking him with a "it will never work attitude." I fell head over heals for this guy, if my H worked half as hard as this guy did, maybe we would still be in business.

 

Everything pointed towards total collapse. The H made me terminate him. The OM was extremely emotional about this. We loved working together and seeing each other everyday, he was sad that I wasn't going to get anything for my hard work. The OM displayed a somewhat of a mysterious side, made me jealous because he was probably a player and my gut told me this, but I still refuse to believe he played me (that's called stupid in your dictionary)

 

The business ended, I still saw the OM most of the time just for a hug or conversation, I could tell he was hurting but he hid it and never talked about it with me. He told me I had to stick it out for the kids, but never ended it with me.

 

My bro gave me a huge amount of money so we could relocate. Then he had a long heart to heart with me. He is a doc, has many flaws in his own marriage and is far from perfect, but he does deal with lots of people daily and can back up his words..He told me the most important thing in my life was not me, not the H, but the kids. Children need a father, I need happiness, I needed to set the rules and on and on.

 

I was offered three different houses in which I could live rent free by both my family and my H family until I got on my feet with a support system around me. I turned it down. My gut said what I needed to do and I am doing it right now. I believe I'm doing the right thing at this point. I am numb and cannot make good decisions about the future of our M.

 

He promised if I moved with him he would go to MC. We tried it in the past but IC worked better for us. We have little funds right now, so that is on the backburner. We talk now and we are starting to have a little fun together. We were together last night its been a long time, and I actually enjoyed it. I just cant let my guard down, I don't trust him with my feelings right now, Im too fragile.

 

As for the other man, I felt something for him I don't believe I will ever feel again. Maybe that is why I am so sad. I know what to do and how to execute each stage of the game, but like I said I need to let go which is hard for me right now for whatever reason so that I can start a new path to my happiness.

 

I suppose you are right about the OM and why he did what he did, he wants me gone.

 

Thanks again for your comments

[jennie-jennie]

Correct me if I am mistaken, but did you not decide to stay married and not go with the OM who was single?

 

In that case it looks to me like the OM did what is generally suggested here on LS. He moved on and found himself another love who was not married.

Edited November 24, 2009 by jennie-jennie

[fooled once]

Thank you so much for not only replying, but dissecting my horrible thread into parts. I just spent an hour replying to you and was not able to post due to a faulty flex capacitor or something.

 

I'll try again.

 

We had an independent business that was successful. My husband has always made sure he had nights off as well as at least one full day if not two. I on the otherhand worked whatever it took, which is what you have to do if you want a successful business. My day started by getting the kids up, packing lunches, and driving them to school. I then went home cleaned up, fixed dinner and off to work. My hours would vary due to business volume and closed to my standards. anywhere from 8-16 hours a day. I would pick up the kids in the afternoon and I would go back when the H got home.

 

He never really watched the kids at first, he was too busy with his yard, drinking beer and smoking dope,(I do NOT smoke!) he would just tell the kids to play inside and come out if they needed something. He would feed them, put them to bed and leave ALL dishes, clothes, towels for me to clean up when I got home.

 

When he saw that the business was failing due to economic times, he tucked tail and hid. I worked harder, I laid people off and covered their

shifts. I was a one woman working machine. We were not going to fail! The H was forced to take on more responsibility with the kids for obvious reasons and there became a nice bond between the H and the kids. I liked that.

 

In walks the OM. He was a really hard worker, doing things he didn't have to do. He came up with all kinds of ideas to strengthen our business. My husband made fun of his ideas and continued to hide. He had already decided to surrender. The OM spent a lot of his own time marketing the business, took no check when I couldn't cover payroll etc, helped me do the manual work when I had to lay off the privelages of the business and helped cut corners with me. All the while my husband mocking him with a "it will never work attitude." I fell head over heals for this guy, if my H worked half as hard as this guy did, maybe we would still be in business.

 

Everything pointed towards total collapse. The H made me terminate him. The OM was extremely emotional about this. We loved working together and seeing each other everyday, he was sad that I wasn't going to get anything for my hard work. The OM displayed a somewhat of a mysterious side, made me jealous because he was probably a player and my gut told me this, but I still refuse to believe he played me (that's called stupid in your dictionary)

 

The business ended, I still saw the OM most of the time just for a hug or conversation, I could tell he was hurting but he hid it and never talked about it with me. He told me I had to stick it out for the kids, but never ended it with me.

 

My bro gave me a huge amount of money so we could relocate. Then he had a long heart to heart with me. He is a doc, has many flaws in his own marriage and is far from perfect, but he does deal with lots of people daily and can back up his words..He told me the most important thing in my life was not me, not the H, but the kids. Children need a father, I need happiness, I needed to set the rules and on and on.

 

I was offered three different houses in which I could live rent free by both my family and my H family until I got on my feet with a support system around me. I turned it down. My gut said what I needed to do and I am doing it right now. I believe I'm doing the right thing at this point. I am numb and cannot make good decisions about the future of our M.

 

He promised if I moved with him he would go to MC. We tried it in the past but IC worked better for us. We have little funds right now, so that is on the backburner. We talk now and we are starting to have a little fun together. We were together last night its been a long time, and I actually enjoyed it. I just cant let my guard down, I don't trust him with my feelings right now, Im too fragile.

 

As for the other man, I felt something for him I don't believe I will ever feel again. Maybe that is why I am so sad. I know what to do and how to execute each stage of the game, but like I said I need to let go which is hard for me right now for whatever reason so that I can start a new path to my happiness.

 

I suppose you are right about the OM and why he did what he did, he wants me gone.

 

Thanks again for your comments

 

God - where to start???

 

I think you are pissed as hell the the OM found someone. You are pissed and jealous that he has moved on from you. There was no 'open ended' affair. He MOVED ON. You can't accept that. You won't accept that.

 

As for you not trusting your H and not letting your guard down; how the heck do you think HE feels? You trashed your family. You chose to screw the hired help. You hurt your children, not him. YOU did that. Not him. You didn't expect him to be emotional when you dumped him for the hired help? Really? I didn't have someone on the side when I divorced my ex but he was very emotional about it. That is a pretty normal reaction. I can only image how badly your H felt that you were ready to chuck the whole marriage for a guy who was helping out - a guy he allowed to be an employee of his business. Nice of the guy to help himself to his employers wife.

 

Until you let go of the fact that this guy has moved on, you are going to continue to be twisted up inside.

 

Staying for the kids is the stupidest thing. Seriously. What are you teaching your children regarding what a marriage is? Are you showing them the correct way 2 people who are married behave? Are you showing them what love is?

 

I feel very badly for your H. He may have took you for granted; but no one can take advantage of you. You allowed it. Then you complained about it and chose to sleep with someone else.

 

You were offered 3 places to live free and clear and you turned it down? WHY? You talk about struggling financially - so why would you turn that kind of generous offer down?

 

Stop trying to be in the OM's life. He doesn't want you in it anymore. I agree, he gave you explicit information to shock you into leaving him alone. He doesn't want you contacting him anymore. Leave him alone.

 

Buck up - get some help - and either fully commit to your marriage or GET OUT OF IT. Kids can survive divorce. Kids adapt. I think you stay because you don't want to be alone. You stay because the OM didn't want you. You stay until you can find a replacement man to support you.

 

If family was ready to give you places to live rent free - ask them for money for counseling. You are doing so much damage to your children because you are so focused on the OM.

 

How long has the affair been over? At least 3 months - probably more - correct? How long was the affair?

 

I really think you need to ask family for money for counseling if you cannot afford it. You owe it to your children to be invested in your life and your marriage (if it is really what you want) and to stop obsessing on the OM. He played you. Accept it. Heal from it. Let go of it.

[minutebyminute]

THANK YOU, Sometimes people are so dumb, the answers in front of their faces. I feel so motivated by all the responses because yet different, all the same. Some of us are slow to listen (HA) I never even

considered myself in all of this. Tragic just to admit

 

Why did I do it, I thought what?? I did it because he, because I was. . .then it hit me.

 

Little by little the layers are coming off. Each hurts. Each heals. The more confirmation I get from all of you that have been there, the better I feel and the more I consider just what I have done and why and who I have hurt and what the damage is.

 

Read my first thread, what a mess, this is me. Read my last thread, (time limit unknown) it will be saying thank you, I am happy now.

[hopeless4u]

THANK YOU, Sometimes people are so dumb, the answers in front of their faces. I feel so motivated by all the responses because yet different, all the same. Some of us are slow to listen (HA) I never even

considered myself in all of this. Tragic just to admit

 

Why did I do it, I thought what?? I did it because he, because I was. . .then it hit me.

 

Little by little the layers are coming off. Each hurts. Each heals. The more confirmation I get from all of you that have been there, the better I feel and the more I consider just what I have done and why and who I have hurt and what the damage is.

 

Read my first thread, what a mess, this is me. Read my last thread, (time limit unknown) it will be saying thank you, I am happy now.

 

 

I'm so glad LS has helped you see clearer, it has me too. I'm still confused but at least now I can think about me:)

[dazzle22]

This guy caught you at an extremely vulnerable time in your life, and he, like a chamelion, became exactly what he knew you needed, and so he got his hook into you.

 

That is what a true player does...becomes an illusion that he or she knows the other person desperately wants or needs at the time to get their own satisfaction. He never was real. What he gave you wasn't real, he made it up and played a role, and you mistook the play for real life. Like some people start to believe that TV characters are real because they are such good ACTORS...