ON MY OWN Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 How long on an average does it take to get over someone you were extremely close to and with about 2 years and living together? ( the dumpee ) Just curious what ppls viewpoints were on this issue.
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Out of the blue or did you see it coming? If you have a secure attachment style, IMO it shouldn't take more than a few months, maybe six tops. If you saw it coming, likely towards the lesser end of that range.
deux ex machina Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I always heard the saying that it's 25% of the time you were together, on average. But it is an average, and it varies, plus I just heard it (folk wisdom) - so there you go, the disclaimer. So...2 years = 6 months to get past the worst of it? Such an individual thing, though.
EarthGirl Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Out of the blue or did you see it coming? If you have a secure attachment style, IMO it shouldn't take more than a few months, maybe six tops. If you saw it coming, likely towards the lesser end of that range. "secure attachment style" pffff...that has nothing to do with "love" ...we're not living in a laboratory here...I know a lot of people wish we were..it would be easier. If you really love someone you never get over them...I mean talking in all of time..to infinity and beyond (points to anyone who can tell me the movie that comes from), lol.. You can call that hopeless romanticism , I call it the reality of existence. And in the end a whole lot more psychologically healthy than made up words like secure attachment style. (I know that attachment can be a real psychological thing people carry into adulthood starting with how your parents treat you, good or bad or somewhere in the middle...but it's more I think about the style and struggles of love that people go through, than about the love itself) BUT...I do think, and I sincerely HOPE for myself that the PAIN fades more and more and more over time until you feel light and alive again. I think it can happen.
Printer Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 That's a bit worrying, it would take me 6 years to get over my lose!!! No seriously, I would not have a clue how long it will take me to get over my marriage breakup. It has already been 10 months and I still love her as much now as I did when we were married. It is very hard to move on when children are involved.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Crikey, no hope for me then, being dumped after 18 years! I always heard the saying that it's 25% of the time you were together, on average. But it is an average, and it varies, plus I just heard it (folk wisdom) - so there you go, the disclaimer. So...2 years = 6 months to get past the worst of it? Such an individual thing, though.
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 "secure attachment style" pffff...that has nothing to do with "love" ...we're not living in a laboratory here And you know this, how? Just because people attempt to explain behavior and emotion and you don't agree doesn't make the explanation invalid. OP, when you love someone, do you feel secure or insecure?
Ronni_W Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 How long on an average does it take to get over someone you were extremely close to and with about 2 years and living together? Unfortunately, it takes what it takes. I found that, during the process of "getting over', it was helpful to have a therapist to help me explore all my beliefs, thoughts and feelings around the relationship and its breakdown. I would strongly caution against using labels and theories to explain your personal experiences and 'inner world', or to establish generalized "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" when it comes to human behaviour and emotions. That is, just because someone says it "should" take this amount of time, or "shouldn't" take that, it doesn't mean anything. It's highly likely that your experience will differ...and whatever it is, your experience will be *perfect* FOR YOU. No need to base your own on anybody else's, and no need to get down on yourself cos you're not following the time-table set out by any theory. Hugs, and good luck with your personal, unique, one-of-a-kind process
HLP234 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think it takes as long as you let it take you. You have to try your best to forget it, realize what you or her might have done wrong, write that down, fold the paper and take it as experience, because in a way it has only made you better.
trueblue72ny Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 i don't think there is some kind of avg. you can use. sorry. don't think it works like that. it's really all about you and how you carry on.
EarthGirl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 And you know this, how? Just because people attempt to explain behavior and emotion and you don't agree doesn't make the explanation invalid. OP, when you love someone, do you feel secure or insecure? I know what I know.
EarthGirl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 p.s. I mention ed the "laboratory" idea in another thread however meant it in a completely different way. They are different contexts..so please don't get on me about that.
t0ri Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Individuals heal at different paces. There's no set equation of how long it will take your heart to heal, considering there are so many different variables to each relationship and individual. I dated my ex for just over 2 years, and it took me 8 months to be completely over it. The first 4 or 5 were the absolute worst.
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