BookerT Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Everyone's taste is slightly different. But I think the vast majority of people would pick a Jessica Alba look alike over a Rosie O'donnell, assuming the two women's personalities were the same. Or the same goes with a Colin Ferrel over an average Joe. Most average people pick each other because they don't have the option or the choice to get better. If however they did have the choice it's hard for that person in their own mind to trade down, when they have an option. It's not just exclusive to looks, it pretty much applies to everything in life. A person that has lived in a trailer park all his life isn't going to feel as bad about living there as a multimillionare that's lost all his fortunes and forced to live there. A kid existing on a 500 calorie per day diet and with very little to eat in Africa is not going to feel it as bad as a fat bastard from a first world country forced to starve along with the kid. Human beings find it hard to trade down. So back to the looks. An ugly person is used to dating ugly people, so they don't mind The attractive person is like the multimillionaire or the fat bastard, and would naturally find it much harder to find an ugly person attractive.
alphamale Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Human beings find it hard to trade down. indeed BookerT, indeed...
MeganDoll Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Of course people pick what they can get i agree with this post but my point was are they really attracted to that person just because theyre on the same level or do they just settle even with little physical attraction because its all they can get and always lust for that attractive person
deux ex machina Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Of course people pick what they can get i agree with this post but my point was are they really attracted to that person just because theyre on the same level or do they just settle even with little physical attraction because its all they can get and always lust for that attractive person They will settle, but for the rest of their days they will be unsatisfied, lusting after the beautiful people they can never have. A ghastly fate, to be sure. They are cursed.
Author BookerT Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Of course people pick what they can get i agree with this post but my point was are they really attracted to that person just because theyre on the same level or do they just settle even with little physical attraction because its all they can get and always lust for that attractive person I know your point. My point was to address the people that don't get a simple concept and say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, ok whatever. To answer your point I would say normal/average people ARE attracted to the other normal/average people they are dating. However given a choice, let's say they improved their personality or looks and they could start dating more attractive people. They will move on to better looking/richer/more outgoing people and very few people will look back. Just think of the number of average Joe's and Janes that move from the country to NYC or Hollywood and then have a problem dating their previous peers. It's the same deal. If you've always eaten at cheap resturants, you'll probably find the food there tasty. As soon as you can get better foods, you'll probably move on to the better food, and the original food will taste bad.
Coley S. Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Why do you think it is settling? Are you honest to god that shallow that you can't even fathom someone being interested in another person for any other reason then their looks. I don't mean to scare you, but one day you are going to get old and you are not going to be nice to look at.
PinkToes Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Of course people pick what they can get i agree with this post but my point was are they really attracted to that person just because theyre on the same level or do they just settle even with little physical attraction because its all they can get and always lust for that attractive person It's so sad, isn't it, that all the really average people in the world are forced to settle for whatever they can get, living day after day in quiet desperation... if only if I could attract someone better looking than I am... life would be worth living, and so many more worthwhile people would love me. So very sad. OK, let's take a poll: Anyone here ever "settled" for less than what they really wanted just because that's all they thought they could get? I'll start. Not me. Not once.
MeganDoll Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Why do you think it is settling? Are you honest to god that shallow that you can't even fathom someone being interested in another person for any other reason then their looks. I don't mean to scare you, but one day you are going to get old and you are not going to be nice to look at. You act like im the only person who puts tremendous value on looks[and other things of course] Think of relationships where for instance the girls mroe attravtive then the guy, if the guy causes any prolems at all in the relationship at all theyll say how could he complain hes lucky to get her and it will be aout looks alone Theyll mention how somebodies out of their partners league etc they dont judge league by personality they judge mostly on looks as long as social status is near the same its just how it is,we as a scciety dont think less attractive people deserve attractive people and we shwo it with our comments im far from the only one
Author BookerT Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Why do you think it is settling? Are you honest to god that shallow that you can't even fathom someone being interested in another person for any other reason then their looks. I don't mean to scare you, but one day you are going to get old and you are not going to be nice to look at. That's why in the OP, I said assuming the Jessica Alba and Rosie O'Donnell lookalikes had the same personality. I'm not saying these are my choices, I'm saying these are the choices of human beings. I like pointing out the ugly TRUTH. Most humans are selfish and shallow, that's the truth. If you could date Angelina Jolie's and Jessica Albas with interesting nice personalities whenever you wanted, you're ability to date a fat ugly woman with a nice personality goes down to zero. Edited November 24, 2009 by BookerT
Coley S. Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I do not disagree with that at all. All things equal anyone would go after someone who is more attractive. I was just disagreeing with the sentiment that it is settling if you are more attracted to someone who is physically less attractive.
whatever_nevermind Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I’ve heard the rule to always date someone one level down. They’ll put more effort in a relationship to keep the better looking person…but everybody has their own taste. Some people won’t like a certain type no matter how good looking just because its not their preference.
Coley S. Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I am not saying you are the only shallow person in the world. Just the most shallow person I have met in a long time.
PinkToes Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 All things being absolutely equal, anything that one person finds more attractive in another person is going to set them apart -- whether that's intelligence, sense of humor, physical appearance or something else. But which of those attributes we choose to prioritize says a lot about who we really are, IMO.
NopeNah Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 You act like im the only person who puts tremendous value on looks[and other things of course] Still No pic? I thought all you "hotties" enjoyed showing off? I also like how you never returned to your thread, "big girl".
PinkToes Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 OP, out of curiosity, how would you explain all the conventionally unattractive people who choose not to improve their appearance -- whether through simple things or plastic surgery? If people really did feel forced to settle for less than what they wanted in terms of a partner, wouldn't there be a lot more people having plastic surgery, for example? There certainly are plenty of unattractive people who could afford to make physical changes; how come they don't all upgrade their looks?
Toki Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 this goes back into the arena of "What do you perceive as beauty being" While you might see some guy or girl as a smoking hottie, I could on the other hand see her as a fatalistic, uninteresting, gold-digging, hoe-bag. This kind of unnattraction can easily go into the physical realm as well; I hate barbie wannabe's... Hate them... doesn't matter how nice they look physically, once you've dated one of em' you've dated all of em', gimme tattoos and black hair ffs over that mess. Now if we're talking morbidly obese, mustachio'd ladies, then we might have common ground... but that's the same with 90% of the rest of the male population.
Author BookerT Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 OP, out of curiosity, how would you explain all the conventionally unattractive people who choose not to improve their appearance -- whether through simple things or plastic surgery? If people really did feel forced to settle for less than what they wanted in terms of a partner, wouldn't there be a lot more people having plastic surgery, for example? There certainly are plenty of unattractive people who could afford to make physical changes; how come they don't all upgrade their looks? I think it depends on the culture and how accepted plastic surgery is. You go to Brazil and Korea and more than 50% of the women have had plastic surgery. I think in Korea it's actually 80%, mainly for eyes and breasts.
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Hmm... I wouldn't underestimate the value of attention. People often get drawn to the people who give them certain types of attention, and it doesn't always register what that other person looks like as long as it's the type of attention they want. Or interestingly, sometimes people will be attracted to the ones who get certain types of attention. Why is it that a woman will cheat with a man in a committed relationship, even though he may not be Adonis? Because he's committed! Because some other woman finds him worthy of her attention, and it makes both the cheating man and the woman who "seduces" him feel more special! Like they've won a prize.
b52s Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 let's say they improved their personality or looks . Lets say this is not even possible for some people?
Author BookerT Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Lets say this is not even possible for some people? Looks maybe not. There's almost room to improve personality. Most people just settle and possible happy with what they can get. All I was saying is that the reality is, when someone knows they have options then their standards go higher and they get pickier.
sedgwick Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 gimme tattoos and black hair ffs over that mess. YOU ROCK, says the tattooed girl with black hair.
C-i-C-u Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Everybody wants the "physically attractive" partner? Really? Really??? I find that those women who are only physically attractive tend not doing anything for me. I hate plastic people and most physically attractive people are just that. If you want to hang out with pretenders and fake people then fine, that's your prerogative. I, however, am very happy dating average Jane then what a plastic ever has to offer. Which is only looks until she loses them in a decade or less.
D-Jam Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think beauty is about perception...it's not totally based on what mass media claims is "beautiful". Plus with most people, they might be picking out possibilities based on looks, but the one they call their SO is the one who is a good combo of looks, intelligence, stability, and personality. Say you moved into a town that has a good size pool of singles. 1/3 are gorgeous people, 1/3 are average looking, and 1/3 are fat/ugly folk. Say the gorgeous people are all shallow, selfish, have little to bring to the table other than looks, and even won't easily put out (or are terrible in bed) and aren't very loyal. The averages are ok or decent at sex, want things to be equal, have much to bring to the table, but won't settle for less than who they are. The fats and uglys are totally kind, good to people, can hold amazing conversations, and would be totally loyal to their mates. Many will try for the gorgeous folk, but get disenchanted often when they find out these people are not good people...just good looking. Women will get tired of their gorgeous boyfriends cheating on them and disrespecting them, men will get tired of their gorgeous girlfriends cheating, disrespecting, and mooching off them. The averages will all get picked up simply because they aren't horrible people on the inside, but many might take on an average and hope or even cheat with a gorgeous. Others will pick the average not out of a "settling" ideology, but more because they might have gotten burned by enough gorgeous folk that they want something more than a "hot" mate. The fats and uglies will find love too...with other fats and uglies. Most of the time those folk get sick of rejection and ridicule by the "better looking" and thus find one another because they grew to see beauty in one's heart. I have several obese friends who all found love very easily and have it strong and good. I see them married for life and having happy children (hopefully healthy too). I know many "gorgeous" folk who can't seem to ever find love...because they're so obsessed with a Ken or Barbie fantasy and/or even so distrustful of the opposite sex that they can't seem to find reality in their quest for a trophy. This is not envy or hate or anything on "good looking" people...but more speaking reality that for all those who believe the quest is to find the hottest thing out there, you might be disappointed in the long run. It coincides when I see guys complain that every hot woman they meet is a skank, shallow princess, bitch, psycho, etc...while women complain how every hot guy they meet is a jerk, cheater, loser, etc. Nature works in funny ways like that.
soserious1 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 They will settle, but for the rest of their days they will be unsatisfied, lusting after the beautiful people they can never have. A ghastly fate, to be sure. They are cursed. It's an even worse fate being the poor SOB who's married to somebody who feels they" settled" for you.
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