SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 First post. Well hi everyone. I'm finally joining one of these sites because I can't take the risk of talking about my problems to people in my everyday life, only to have it wind its way back to my boyfriend. There is something I'm worried about... My boyfriend is very convinced that I am cheating on him. I am not; the thought or urge has never even crossed my mind. But he keeps insisting I am, especially during the evenings. He has schizophrenia and also PTSD. He says that all the other women he's been with have cheated on him or been with someone else at the same time. He used to flirt with other women right in front of me (one time he made innuendo and references to eating her out, then bragged about it later when I told him it upset me), but ever since that one incident he stopped completely, it seems. But now he is paranoid that I am cheating on him, and I don't know what to make of it. How do I show him that he is the only one who matters to me? I am so happy when I'm around him, he is the first guy to ever treat me decently. We go out and walk around together sometimes, and talk. And we've talked about having kids; he keeps hoping I get pregnant. He smiles at me when I act goofy and cheerful ...but sometimes he can grow cold, or very hard to read. He says it's because of his conditions, and that he's sorry. The last time he apologized for accusing me of cheating on him, said that he knew I wasn't, and that it was his fits of paranoid schizophrenia. I told him I understood and that I wanted to do whatever it took to support him. He's accused me again since then, and I've tried to show him that he's the only one I care about and that I would never do that to him... He says I'm young (I'm 23 and he's 27), and that he knows what people do when they're young. Any ideas - how can I support him? How can we weather this? He is in process of changing medications...
lkjh Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Are you sure this guy is for you? Usually when someone A) always accuses their SO of cheating and B) always talk about people of the opposite sex in front of their SO, they are very insecure and constantly need to show off and are always going to be insecure. If he is insecure you may want to hold off on getting pregnant and really evaluate who he is
Ody Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Any ideas - how can I support him? How can we weather this? He is in process of changing medications... If it's really his psychiatric issues driving these outbursts as you suspect there might be nothing you can do, in terms of logical or emotional reassurance. That's one of the hardest parts of these types of disorders - there's no a ryhme or reason to it that will make sense or that can be solved... But it sounds like you're doing the right thing in terms of being understanding and looking into medication adjustments. He's lucky to have you in that way. If the problems are serious you should be ready that you may be getting into a lifelong issue. Not that it's necesarily a dealbreaker, but best to go in with eyes open. Good luck.
Woggle Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Chances are he has been cheated on in the past and has seen ot happen to his friends. sadly you are paying the price for other women's mistakes.
Author SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thank you, everyone. It has been really hard. I think we need to make sure to keep on taking it carefully. I'm known to get really attached really fast, so I've been trying to hold back a bit and take my time. I need to make sure I'm healthy for him. It's true. There's nothing I can do about it-- maybe even nothing he can do about it. Schizophrenia is a very difficult condition; he needs to make sure he is taking care of himself and putting himself first. His health might be delicate, and being hurt by the other women must have really hurt him. How do I pay for their mistakes? It's hard to pay for something that's not mine, but I'll do it if it keeps us safe and lets him heal. Sometimes I think we care too much. We both have health problems, and we hate seeing each other in pain like this. He sometimes reorders his priorities - he's a very sweet person - and tries to put me higher, but I want to keep reminding him how important his health is. He is very special to me. I really should be careful. I don't want to hurt him, either one of us.
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