colorado1997 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Hi everyone. Im 39 one 12 yr old son, never married but was in long term relationship w/ GF. I have been seeing/talking to a friend "32 divorced 3 kids 7-12 yrs old" for a few months now, I've known her for about 8 years. We email each other every day a talk on the phone daily as well. We go hiking and riding 4 wheelers almost every weekend. She is VERY secure as my ex gf was not. So its kinda wierd for me. dont get me wrong I think thats what attracted me to her in the first place. I just get soo many mixed signals from her, "at least they seem mixed to me". I am lost for words when I want to tell her how I feel about her but I can talk to her all night about any other subject under the sun. She is my bosses daughter and my boss knows we are friends but just that. I know I know I should just come right out and ask but I just cant seem to till I know 4 sure how she feels. Stupid I know. I have my son full time and he, her and her kids get along great. I asked her if we could talk later this evening and she said "sure call me". I was going to try and give it a go but god i am soooooo nervous. I know there are alot of people out there thinking "quit being a p@#sy and ask her. But god it is soo hard 4 me. I have been reading these forum for a long time now but have yet to find something I can say to her to find out her true feelings. God im such a chxn.
jerseyboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 You want to turn an 8yr friend into a gf? Good luck there:) I wouldnt "ask" her. If it were me Id start changing the venues. Take her dancing. Chances are you dont have a lot of physical contact in the other things you do. You can always pick up a lot dancing with a woman, especially if you can salsa/merengue
boogieboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah invite her to different places, dinner dancing, whatever, but dont tell her how you feel. In fact you NEVER tell her how you feel. You just keep being fun and she will start giving you cues that she likes you. if that doesnt happen, then stop hanging with her.
hopesndreams Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Wait for the signals, strong signals that she is interested in you that way. Otherwise, you could lose a friend. Your feelings for her are getting stronger each day and soon, just being her friend wouldn't be enough for you, and if she isn't interested, then it would be best to let the friendship go. I think most women aren't shy when it comes to giving good strong signals of their interest. The hand on the thigh, touching your face, sly looks, extra giggling, lol...anyway, hard to do that while 4 wheeling or when all the kids are around. How often is it one on one interaction, face to face? If and when you are ready don't do it over the phone.
jerseyboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah invite her to different places, dinner dancing, whatever, but dont tell her how you feel. In fact you NEVER tell her how you feel. You just keep being fun and she will start giving you cues that she likes you. if that doesnt happen, then stop hanging with her. Its not about that, or rather never telling. Its jst theyve been in the friend zome for 8years. Asking her out of the blue if "Hey you want to be more now" as an out of blue proposal is pointless. She may even say yes, and save him a lot fo time lol, but it isnt the point. You need to guide her thinking some. Put it into her head, getting her thinking of you that way. Dancing is the best way to do it IMO. Even a romantic dinner can be awkward for them at this point and not accomplish much,e specialy as shy as he seems. But if you are holding her, your bodies pressed together, moving to the music, shell definitely be thinking about it afterwards if she wasnt before. I know I would lol. And dont be that guy watching everything ands everyone else while you are dancing with her. All yoru focus should be on her
NopeNah Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Its not about that, or rather never telling. Its jst theyve been in the friend zome for 8years. Asking her out of the blue if "Hey you want to be more now" as an out of blue proposal is pointless. She may even say yes, and save him a lot fo time lol, but it isnt the point. You need to guide her thinking some. Put it into her head, getting her thinking of you that way. Dancing is the best way to do it IMO. Even a romantic dinner can be awkward for them at this point and not accomplish much,e specialy as shy as he seems. But if you are holding her, your bodies pressed together, moving to the music, shell definitely be thinking about it afterwards if she wasnt before. I know I would lol. And dont be that guy watching everything ands everyone else while you are dancing with her. All yoru focus should be on her I agree 100%! make the call more about getting an actual date type setting in place, instead of moving full speed into relationship stuff. Then feel out how the "real dates" go and take it from there.
Author colorado1997 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Sorry for the confusion, I havent been friends for 8 years I have just known of her I guess. Before we got together lately Ive maybe at the most said 10 words to her in eight years. I have worked under her mom for that period of time. But the waiting part does sound VERY appealing. Only because im scared. What got us together was she heard i was going to cut some firewood and she told me she had a tree in her back yard she needed cut down. I went over cut it up she fed me dinner asked me what I thought of her kids and we talked for a few hours and I left. She called me about 2 weeks later and "what are the odds" the wind blew down another tree and if i would come and cut it up. I did we had dinner again and she asked me if i wanted to go see some petraglyphs "cave art". And from then on weve been seeing each other.
boogieboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Then like Jerseyboy said, you need to escalade the physical touch. Keep being fun, sounds like she was trying to make a situation to hang with you. Dancing is good for that too, but in conversation you can find reasons to lightly touch her, and its probably time for you to move in...youve been hanging with her for this long.
Author colorado1997 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks Boogieboy and every1 else. I havent called yet. I think I will hold off and wait. I dont dance but im sure she dosent eithier but im sure I can think of something. We live way out in the country no clubs/dancehalls just a few bars. Oh yeah any ideas what cues I should be looking 4?? I havent been dating in a long while.
boogieboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks Boogieboy and every1 else. I havent called yet. I think I will hold off and wait. I dont dance but im sure she dosent eithier but im sure I can think of something. We live way out in the country no clubs/dancehalls just a few bars. Oh yeah any ideas what cues I should be looking 4?? I havent been dating in a long while. No clubs is ok, if one of you cooks for the other, fire up the cable tv, look for slow songs music channel, turn the lights low, and start there.
Author colorado1997 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Posted December 10, 2009 Well, the emails and phone calls have stopped. She's blown me off 3X now. It was hard to except but I got the hint. It sucks cause I thought she might be the one and I really liked her. Well thanks for all your advise people I really appreciated it.
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Well, the emails and phone calls have stopped. She's blown me off 3X now. It was hard to except but I got the hint. It sucks cause I thought she might be the one and I really liked her. Well thanks for all your advise people I really appreciated it. Errmmm.. wtf happened.. you were friends hanging out. Now nothing.. just like that? Did you do or say something that could have made her uneasy or tipped her off that you liked her?
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