nimby Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 There are things your partner may be interested in that you are not inclined to share, so platonic friendships are important. That said, I think you need to be blunt about two particular situations. First, if your husband has a platonic relationship with someone he's already admitted to being sexually attracted to, I would ask him to break it off or risk his relationship with you. There are situations where a platonic relationship works very well because there is exactly zero sexual attraction on both sides. The nonsense with the exGF has to stop. The virtual stuff also has to stop. There is no way that an actual, real life commitment can compete with a fantasy. It's the emotional equivalent of junk food - it's addictive and has no nutrition in it. But it's time and energy that gets sucked away from time with you, his kids, or doing something else productive. It's always amazing to me that someone wouldn't dare stay on the phone for hours with someone of the opposite sex while in the house with spouse, but will think it's perfectly okay for spouse to stare at the back of their heads while they type away for hours, completely checked out on the most important relationship in their lives. You can't be each other's whole worlds. You need to have lives outside of marriage. But those lives can't include stirring up prurient interest in others, or the relationship starts to die.
KLmccaulley81 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Just go ask my ex. She does it so naturally that she's able to convince everyone that she isn't cheating. wow, sounds like my husband who is now wondering if our marriage is even "valid" based on all my past sins and not telling him about some stupid drunken sexual act (not intercourse) that I did in college before i was dating him. he claims he never would have dated me and therefore his whole life with me is a lie and maybe our marriage isn't "valid" in God's eyes. on top of this he became good friends with a woman at work and they talked on the phone up to 100 times in 2 months for long durations most nights. he swears he has no feelings other than friendship for her and that they are NOT having sex. but they text all the time and they meet up to "talk" and they still call eachother. he says he's doing NOTHING wrong and brings up all the crap I've done to justify this. he says God sees nothing wrong with it. (he's a "faithful" christian) he really thinks this is okay. just wait til he ****s her. then we'll see where myself and our 2 boys and new baby (due in may) will be. not here with him that's for sure.
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