james123 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 never really understood what it's about. is it just being close to someone else of the opposite sex while in a relationship?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Its basically being in love without having sex, or being in lust and pretending to be friends until you can get sex. It almost always leads to actual sex eventually.
cybersister Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I do not think it needs to lead to sex or hopes to, it is sharing part of yourself that should be shared with your SO, that undermines your primary relationship
A O Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 it is sharing part of yourself that should be shared with your SO, that undermines your primary relationship Agreed. It starts off with sharing one's inner-most-self (emotionally speaking) and then branches out to only ever doing this with the other person, henceforth emotionally starving one's partner....and then things often move on from there. More usually than not, all done in secret. .
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I tend to think of it as sharing things with someone else that your inner intuition tells you that you ought to share with your partner (and perhaps only your partner) instead. Or yes, being in love with someone other than your partner, preferring their company, not introducing them properly to your partner or honoring their role in your life... Trying to leave your options "open" so that you can net a different fish while still stringing along the one you've currently got... Or maybe imagining sex with another woman/man and cluing them in on your fantasies about them. Even more insulting if done in front of your partner's face. But in many ways, more hurtful if done behind their back...
whatever_nevermind Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I agree that it becomes “emotional cheating” when sharing one's inner-most-self (emotionally speaking) branches out to only ever doing this with the other person, henceforth emotionally starving one's partner. So is the only difference between a close (opposite sex) friendship and “emotional cheating” is if the partner is being denied this closeness? If so, doesn’t that seem like jealousy and/or insecurity of the partner play part.
A O Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 ^ ^ ^ I also mentioned, although I didn't do it in a particularly articulate manner, the element of secrecy. What can start out as something innocent and then turns into something serious, it'll be at the serious stage where the need for secrecy starts rearing its ugly head and often soon develops into total secrecy. Not unlike how traditional affairs develop. To engage in emotional liaisons, where the partner has full knowledge of proceedings does not constitute an affair nor cheating in my book. .
agentsmith Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 sharing things with someone else of the opposite sex which you should only with your partner
tryagaintoday Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Just go ask my ex. She does it so naturally that she's able to convince everyone that she isn't cheating.
VENUS1 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 tell me what you think: a few circumstanced that have a occurred in the last few months. My hubby's grandma was very ill and needed to visit her (out of state/his hometown). We both couldnt go due to short notice and work - so he went alone. His buddy had a party while he was there, invited his ex gf. Fast forward 4 months~I asked him about a girl on his FB. It was this same ex. I asked him why he friended her the response was I was curious. I asked if they had been talking thru FB, he said no. I asked him if he saw her while out of state - I got the deer in the headlight look and he unwillingly said yes. A few days later, i asked what his FB username/pass was which he gave me. I checked and low and behold - not only were they talking on FB, there were conversations of "where are you? I tried to call". So, not only were their conversations thru FB, but phone calls also. I started feeling I was being lied to so I started doing more research on what he was up to. He had been playing Final Fantasy for about 5 years. The last 2-3 he had been playing at least 4-5 nights per week 6pm - ??. He was also playing during the day most days (works from home). Found out that he had several female players that he was especially close to~several that he would send private linkshell msgs to with the line "love ya darlin" . . Then find several emails from one player where she sent him several naked pics of her character topless & wearing a thong with the titles "enjoy" and "open alone". One of the pics were of his character and hers standing together posing during the day while I was at work. I emailed her and she did admit to flirting with him and "it was just for fun". For the last few years, I have been dealing with all the kids school functions, going to bed alone. Funny how he would fequently speak of the guys he was playing with but never mentioned HER. He never mentioned the topless pics or his response of "I prefer when you wear the pink panties and nipple shots all day". He denies he did anything wrong and it was just flirting. On the website he belongs to, he was posting alot of porn pics and pics of his character and female characters in flirtatous acts - one he had the caption "she won't get off my jock". I feel he has totally crossed the line. He says its just flirting - nothing wrong with it.
VENUS1 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I was pissed at first, then felt like i was cheated on. We had discussed divorce. He says I'm being jealous and over reacting.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 He is saying you are jealous and overreacting because he wants to keep doing it, and he wants you to feel bad for getting on him about it. He knows what he is doing is wrong. He just doesn't want to stop.
VENUS1 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I didn't think I was over reacting - he stands by his answer of "it was just flirting, nothing more". And it was only online, not real life.
freestyle Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Bottom-line, he's investing his time and energy into communicating with another woman---while you're having to crawl into bed alone at night, cuz he's too immersed in his "flirtation". This is emotional cheating, you're getting short-changed on attention, because he's giving it to someone else........ And when you add in the fact that he's been secretive about his activities, I see that as evidence that he knows full well that what he's doing is wrong. Painting you out to be jealous and overreactive is a form of gaslighting, look up the term on Google, if you're not familiar......................
You'reasian Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 never really understood what it's about. is it just being close to someone else of the opposite sex while in a relationship? There's no hard answer for this. It depends on the people involved in a relationship and there thresholds. Each person has different boundaries. Emotional cheating is maintaining an intimate relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, while maintaining another, close, committed relationship. For instance, one person may believe that playing tennis with someone of the opposite sex is too close for comfort and emotional cheating. The tennis player might think that the way his girlfriend grinds with men in dance clubs as too close for comfort and is emotional cheating. The tennis dude might think that being in a jacuzzi with a close friend of the opposite sex as emotional cheating. Tennis dude's girl might think that carrying on perverted banter with close lady friends as emotional cheating. Its good to find someone whose on the same page as yourself in terms of boundaries - differences can be worked out too - but get ready to invest time and deal with a little drama.
sugar_and_spice Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 There's no hard answer for this. It depends on the people involved in a relationship and there thresholds. Each person has different boundaries. Emotional cheating is maintaining an intimate relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, while maintaining another, close, committed relationship. For instance, one person may believe that playing tennis with someone of the opposite sex is too close for comfort and emotional cheating. The tennis player might think that the way his girlfriend grinds with men in dance clubs as too close for comfort and is emotional cheating. The tennis dude might think that being in a jacuzzi with a close friend of the opposite sex as emotional cheating. Tennis dude's girl might think that carrying on perverted banter with close lady friends as emotional cheating. Its good to find someone whose on the same page as yourself in terms of boundaries - differences can be worked out too - but get ready to invest time and deal with a little drama. +1 agree with this
You'reasian Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 +1 agree with this So what do you think about the open, honest, blunt approach - but delivered with tact? lol Explaining your situation to a degree that the other person knows what they are getting into, where you've been, what you are comfortable with...etc. I think alot of women are afraid to do this, maybe because many guys can't handle it?
A O Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Emotional cheating is maintaining an intimate relationship with a friend of the opposite sex' date=' while maintaining another, close, committed relationship. [/quote'] No it isn't. Emotional cheating/affair is a combination of investing one's emotional self in another, doing that in secrecy and withdrawing one's emotional self from your partner. These three factors need to present and in unison. A combination of just the one or two of these factors alone does not constitute an emotional affair. .
VENUS1 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 so, you agree its an "emotional" affair? That is how I feel. It totally ripped my heart out (especially the one thing after another here). He doesn't "get it" as to why I'm so very hurt. He has everyone around him believing it was just light flirting with a bunch of online friends - but he fails to mention that it was one in particular and it was continuous emails to/from the home email as well as LS and while playing the game. I found a post from one of his online friends on his gaming website that "he has this site locked out so the wife can't see it" in response to "how do you get away with that kind of stuff" question. He has since stopped playin - however, still communicates with his online "friends" via teamspeak and text msgs. Why can't he just stop??
A O Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Your situation Venus doesn't constitute an emotional affair based on what you've described thus far. It is however, highly inappropriate, especially, if not moreso, his reaction to your feelings. Why can't he just stop?? It doesn't matter what he does. You can't control others, you can only control your own actions. You need to work out how big a deal this is to you and the action (if any) you're willing to take thereafter. If it were me, I'd be far more annoyed with how he's reacting towards you than what he's doing with his female friends. He shows little regard for your concerns/feelings....I wouldn't have a person like that in my life for long. .
VENUS1 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 so, is it wrong for a 40 year old man to hold mistle-toe over a 17 yr. girls head and expect a kiss?
Waitress Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Excuse me for busting in here. I was hanging out with a guy friend the other day. His girlfriend called to see what he was up to and he totally downplayed what we were doing. We weren't doing anything wrong but he was kind of shrugging it off to her. It struck me kind of odd. Is this a red flag?
You Go Girl Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The definition of emotional cheating, or too much flirtation, may be difficult to nail down exactly. But I'll tell you what is exactly the same for everyone. If you wouldn't do it if your partner were standing there--then it's some form of deception, betrayal, or lack of respect. If someone is lying and hiding things from you---they're at a minimum cheating your intimacy! Oh and yes I certainly do believe that "lying by omission" is betrayal.
jerrytodd Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 There's no hard answer for this. It depends on the people involved in a relationship and there thresholds. Each person has different boundaries. Emotional cheating is maintaining an intimate relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, while maintaining another, close, committed relationship. For instance, one person may believe that playing tennis with someone of the opposite sex is too close for comfort and emotional cheating. The tennis player might think that the way his girlfriend grinds with men in dance clubs as too close for comfort and is emotional cheating. The tennis dude might think that being in a jacuzzi with a close friend of the opposite sex as emotional cheating. Tennis dude's girl might think that carrying on perverted banter with close lady friends as emotional cheating. Its good to find someone whose on the same page as yourself in terms of boundaries - differences can be worked out too - but get ready to invest time and deal with a little drama. That was very well put. It was a fundamental part of my now broken relationship. A girl at the office had a thing for me but then moved to Europe permanently for work. My now ex-GF didnt like the fact that I created a FB account to see the pics that she posted there. So I deleted the account. At the same time she would spend all sorts of time with her ex-hubby (separated, not divorced). I told her repeatedly that I was uncomfortable about it and to her credit she was at least honest that she liked him as a friend as well as the father to her daughter. But it wouldnt stop. It got worse. And I complained and she did nothing. She saw nothing wrong with it. Further, she would be quite a flirt while out, even let a guy grab her boob at a staggette once. It really comes down to "will you make a sacrifice to make your spouse/lover happy". Even if you dont think it is reasonable. Her reasonability standard would have been if I had had sex with another woman or told another woman that I loved her and that was likely the standard she wanted me to judge her by. And for some of us the answer is Yes for you I will, for others, nope.
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