1plus1 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Well it has been five days now since I have talked to (texted actually) my ex. To summarize our history, we dated for 1.5 years (lived together and worked together). He moved 3.5 hours away for a job two months after our breakup and got a new girlfriend. (We broke up 6months ago - yes, I know its a long time to still want somebody back). He will be moving back to our hometown in two months (it was always his plan to transfer back up here as soon as possible). During our 6month breakup I have talked to him or he has talked to me at least once a week EVERY week (fighting at first and then as friends). Except for one, two-week stretch that I went NC. After six months, I feel like we have gotten to be friends again. But, THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT. Geez, I was trying to get him back, not be his buddy. I think that him moving out of town really helped me step back and realize that he is who I wanted to be with. I realized how much I took him for granted and how immature I was being at times. The NC (of not physically being around each other) has really let a lot of petty things I was holding against him fade away. So I reccomend it to help let any animosity die down. I did not tell him that I was going to go no contact, I am just not going to call or text him, or respond to any of his attempts at contacting me (there have been none so far). My record for ignoring him is 16 days (yes I know - pathetic). So I am setting my new goal at 21 days. I just want to talk to him, its almost a habit. Does anyone else have stories about how long they have ignored their exes for? Did it result in getting over them? Getting them back? Becoming friends again? Is it stupid to think that a break-up could really be just because it was not the right time and not because it is not the right people? I have two months until he moves back (he makes sure to let me know everytime I talk to him that he is coming back), I just think going MIA will be a good strategy for seeing what his feelings are. So to summarize how I feel today: Day five - this is always the point where I start to give in and want to call. I am doing ok right now though. It would be nice to get a text or call from him so that I could ignore it and get at least a fuax sense of control. But I know that it will take a lot longer than five days for him to realize that something is up.
squishy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well, you've done better than me with the NC! I'm pretty sure my record was 6 days, how pathetic is that? Well that's texting anyway... I've sent him two emails and only seen him twice in person and it's been a month and a week. I think that's okay for no contact, I'm not sure. It's hard when you're so used to a person to stop talking to them completely. You're right, he won't realize anything is up unless it's been maybe two weeks or more. The goal of 3 weeks is really good, even if you don't make it the whole way it will have an effect. If he keeps making it clear that he is coming back that is a good sign, but you can't be sure since you've established the friend situation. I can't say that I'm successful in NC, I've broken every rule so far. At least it's still early on, I will be setting some goals as well. My one question is about this new girlfriend of his, is she moving with him as well? Don't give in! I like to do this strategy, type up the message (text mostly) then save it to my drafts. I tell myself that I won't send it until later. When later rolls around I realize it is a bad idea to send it and I end up deleting it.
Author 1plus1 Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 No, his new girlfriend lives about 2hours away from him. He actually called me after 9 days of NC. (I also ignored two texts and one call before I answered). He told me he wanted to get back together, and has since broke up with his girlfriend. No kidding. He still isnt moving back for another two months, so I will post updates on everything. and we are going to take things SLOOOOWWW. Which is what I have been advised to do. The NC (which for me was NOT SEEING HIM for 4-5months and having LC) allowed me and him to let the anger go. I got to settle down and forgive him and really see what my part in the ralationship was. I think that we never would have healed if I would have kept seeing him, because each time I saw him early on it was like ripping the scab off a wound; it never got to heal. The thing that sucks now is I want to SEE him so badly, but there is no way I can for at least two months because he lives so far away. I am curious to see if these feeling will last. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for your reply!
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