Treasa Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Just make sure you don't contact him again. No texting, no calls, etc. Hell, miss his calls a couple of times. But he'll probably try to contact you. I think the positives to take from this are that 1) you seem over Joe (is he bassf*cker?? ), and 2) you seem to have opened yourself up to the possibility of another man, not to mention increased self esteem. You didn't used to go out, so go you!
PinkToes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Don't be so perplexed. He took you to his bedroom to play drums because he wanted to have sex with you after you told him to hang out. Since that didn't happen, he wants to treat you coldly and charge you money so that you don't get ideas and avoid future awkwardness. My take. Totally biting my tongue on this one.
Treasa Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I still think he may like you, but maybe you came on too strong, so he backed off. *just re-read*
Author sedgwick Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 I still think he may like you, but maybe you came on too strong, so he backed off. *just re-read* You think so? I've been trying really hard not to, but then guys are often so easily spooked I don't know what's going to freak them out. But yeah, I won't contact him again. Hopefully he'll get in touch with me at some point. Missing one of his calls is not a bad idea, but then the whole playing-games thing drives me nuts. Why can't liking someone be easy, dammit?! And yes, Joe is bassf*cker, given that all he wanted to do was f*ck his bass.
PinkToes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I still think he may like you, but maybe you came on too strong, so he backed off. *just re-read* How so? I didn't see that.
Treasa Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I think it's funny that you're referring to him as bassf*cker now. It's about time. He wasn't good enough for you. Anyway, I'm not trying to get Sedgwick's hopes up, but the fact that he wanted to at least discuss payment over the phone, as well as charging her a reduced price, touching her, contacting her so frequently, etc. just seem like signs to me, but maybe Sedgwick just came on too strong. I could be wrong. At the very least, Sedgwick, while I agree about not playing games, I still think it wouldn't hurt to miss a call from him. You feel a little embarrassed, and hopefully taking a step back will help. Of course, maybe this guy is just a flake. I still think you're making tremendous leaps and bounds over where you were even a few months ago. At the very, very least, you had some fun with this guy, and seem far more over bassf*cker. I just don't think any of us, not a single one of us, wants to see you get hurt again, KWIM? Oh, by the way, I noted in another post that you like Lush. I discovered Lush a couple months ago and have spent WAY too much money there.
tkgirl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Damn musicians!! I'm not really interested in dating for fun. It doesn't mean I want a "permanent relationship" with everyone on whom I have a crush; I don't even know this guy well enough to want that with him yet. But when I think about just dating around, it makes me feel exhausted! I'd rather stay home with a good book until someone really worthwhile comes along. Counterintuitive, perhaps, but honestly I'd rather be alone and do my own thing than be some musician's time-passer. Is there anyone else in their late 30s/early 40s reading this who feels the same? yep.. that'd be me! and the musician thing... ditto! I've come to realize most of them are really bad at the relationship thing... fun to date, maybe.. but at our age we want more! oh, and as a knitter myself I say you let him know how long it takes to knit a pair of gloves.. he owes you at least 5 or 6 lessons! A lot of people that don't knit don't get it at all.. I've had a few people ask me to knit stuff like it's no big deal.. like "hey, I saw this cute scarf.. can you knit me one like it?"
Author sedgwick Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 (edited) tonight i went on a date with a guy i met online. why the **** not, i had to get it over with eventually. it was okay, he asked if he could call me again and i said yes. i was bumming because DB hadn't called, but had attempted to put it out of my head and just write it off. when i came home, he had sent me a message. here is the resultant chat: DB hey, let's talk tomorrow. i'm writing it in zee book now. Sedg cool is everything okay? DB yes. goodgood. a little out of it lately, depressed a bit, but it happens sometimes when i have a lot of time on my hands or should i say, i let myself have a lot of time Sedg ah i definitely understand DB but now, i'm off to bed, thanks for asking. Sedg thank you for telling me, i thought you were mad at me DB no no. in the future, just ask me if you're feeling that. cool? Sedg depression sucks but i will always make a valiant attempt to make you laugh i think you're cool and want you to be part of my world DB nice :) deal. Sedg go to bed. sweet dreams. DB g'nite Edited November 30, 2009 by sedgwick
Rudderless Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 He just gave you a major warning insight into his life in that last email, he's moody and introverted, don't expect his future behaviour to be anything else but frustrating. Take it from someone who's bought the t-shirt on being that person. You are wasted on him anyway, the way you acted at that party, girl throwing herself at crush and you just shrug it off, you have a cool mindset.
Author sedgwick Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 What does "wasted on him" mean? Also, I too am moody and introverted, so I'm okay with that. It means if I need to retreat and hide in my room for a few days he'll understand.
Rudderless Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 What does "wasted on him" mean? Also, I too am moody and introverted, so I'm okay with that. It means if I need to retreat and hide in my room for a few days he'll understand. I mean quite simply, the things you do are very attractive in someone and he's completely failed to notice. I'm pretty sure he knows you've got a crush on him, women do make it quite obvious! He should have noticed how cool you were being about some other girl chucking herself at him at the party. And retreating and hiding in your room is ok, many of us do that, but there's a big difference between that and ignoring someone's attempts to communicate then coming back with some story about how you've been depressed. It's just lame.
Author sedgwick Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Rudderless, I totally get what you're saying, and the one and only reason I'm okay with it is that he *was* out of town for the holiday, and was apparently helping his mom prepare for a big shindig with 30 relatives! That said, he called me today, and we have a date Friday night.
boogieboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 No more lessons and straight up dates? Good deal!
Ruby Slippers Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 That said, he called me today, and we have a date Friday night. You've been told by a friend that this guy has a reputation as a flake, and he has pretty much told you himself that he's a flake, so my advice is to keep it light and keep your expectations very low. Also, date other people. Don't make a flake a priority.
tkgirl Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 You've been told by a friend that this guy has a reputation as a flake, and he has pretty much told you himself that he's a flake, so my advice is to keep it light and keep your expectations very low. Also, date other people. Don't make a flake a priority. great advice! I wish I had got that when I was dating my flaky musician... not that I would have listened! your drummer guy sounds exactly like my old guitar guy.. the whole "retreating" thing when he gets down etc. At first I was like "oh, he's got that poor tortured artist thing and needs his space" which was true... but that got old real fast and now I look back and think "yea, and a little too self-absorbed" I just couldn't deal after a while... as much as I thought he was a great guy in other ways... hopefully drummer guy is a little different! I didn't mean to be such a buzzkill... I hope you have a great time friday night, I really do! but just don't get to caught up with his stuff and forget yours... cuz with guys like that it's very easy to do...
Author sedgwick Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Don't make a flake a priority. Believe me, after bassf*cker that will never happen again!!!
shadowplay Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Sedgwick -- if this is indeed a date, I stand corrected. I'm excited for you. What exactly did he say? Wht are you guys doing?
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